D.H. Lawrence wants to connect with you on LinkedIn

ATTEN-TION! That’s your sign to stand up straight and salute our bravest soldiers this Father’s Day: the old dads. ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

ATTEN-TION! That’s your sign to stand up straight and salute our bravest soldiers this Father’s Day: the old dads. A moment of silence for them all, and their vintage sperm. Just pretend you’re Beyoncé promoting a new album and say absolutely nothing. Get profiled in British Vogue with nary one on-the-record quote. Like the silent eavesdropper in your group chat, the person who doesn’t respond or react to any messages but still hasn’t left yet. What’s their deal? And how do you purify the group chat from such a pest? If only we could communicate with spirits, like that actress from awhile ago, Marilyn Monroe. ‘Memba her?? She’s back baby, and now she’s Ana de Armas with dyed hair (lifted like, seven levels). We also tip our hats to another niche celebrity from yesteryear, D.H. Lawrence. Even though he never wore a dress that Kim Kardashian would later borrow, we gotta admit: his travel book is great, especially his meal descriptions like his, “long slab of the inevitable meat cut into innumerable slices, tasting of dead nothingness and having a thick sauce of brown neutrality.” Relatable!

Gawker Salutes Celebs Who Became Dads in Their 60s

By Allie Jones

They did that

This Father’s Day, I’m thinking about my own dad, sure, but I’m also thinking about a special class of celebrity dad. The kind of dad who keeps producing heirs well into his silver years. The dad who becomes a dad for the first or fifth time in his 60s. It can’t be easy to do: The dad has to find a partner who’s roughly 30 years younger, for one, and he probably also has to do some foreign action films or Vegas residencies to make sure he can line the trust funds of his little tykes.

This kind of dad comes in many stripes. Here are just a few of them. Let’s salute their efforts. Continue reading

How to Banish Your Group Chat Ghost

By Fran Hoepfner

Exorcism 101

Welcome to Miss Type, a column about etiquette in the digital age. This week: How do you politely remove an eavesdropper from a group text?

Since the dawn of humankind, we have felt the need to connect double digit times per day in a chat bubble on iMessage in order to say stuff like, “have you guys heard about this new restaurant?” or send photos of vanity license plates. A wedding outfit crowdsourcing session, a Tinder profile screenshot, some industry-specific gossip — all of this is classic group chat fare. The group chat is often an Eden of laughs, camaraderie, and fellowship. This is why we are born: to log on and talk to each other.

Like our fair but suffering planet, a group chat is not a perfect place, and issues arise, growing out of control before anyone is aware (the only downside to technology is its accelerative properties). There is one issue that occurs with great frequency, a dangerous presence that grows in darkness and defiance of all that the group chat holds holy, and that is the group chat ghost. A group chat ghost can rupture intimacy. A group chat ghost, like those beetles that ruined the trees in the Midwest, will swarm in and kill the vibes almost overnight. Part of what is so tricky about eradicating a group chat ghost is that we don’t know everything we need to know about them: they exist off-site, off-line, off-world, in the twilight zone of texting. Fortunately, new strides are taken every day in science and technology and etiquette and confrontation, and knowing what we know about how group chat ghosts operate (passively) and behave (weirdly), there’s a way to get them out. Continue reading

Beyoncé On Her New Album: [Quotes Not Found]

By Olivia Craighead

In a new British Vogue story, the singer says... nothing at all

A new Beyoncé album means a new press cycle where she says absolutely nothing at all, and we all just pretend it’s an oasis in the middle of the desert. In conjunction with announcing her seventh album, Renaissance, Bey is on the cover of British Vogue and the accompanying “profile” is basically just a diary entry.

British Vogue editor-in-chief Edward Enniful wrote the cover story, in which he recounts what it was like texting Beyoncé and going to her house one time. After eating a meal of “ribs, cream corn, peas, and mashed potatoes” (you can take the girl out of Texas…) Enniful got to hear some of the new album, and describes it as such:

Instantly, a wall of sound hits me. Soaring vocals and fierce beats combine and in a split second I’m transported back to the clubs of my youth. I want to get up and start throwing moves. It’s music I love to my core. Music that makes you rise, that turns your mind to cultures and subcultures, to our people past and present, music that will unite so many on the dance floor, music that touches your soul.

Ok… Does she have anything to say about it? Continue reading

Ana de Armas (Brunette) is Marilyn Monroe (Blonde) in Blonde (Movie)

By Fran Hoepfner

First look at Andrew Dominik's Marilyn Monroe biopic shows the actress sad, then happy, then sad again :(

A slow, stripped-down version of a song we all know, a woman looking at herself crying in a mirror, not enough footage to know if it’ll be good or bad — yeah, I’m thinking the teaser trailer hour is upon us.

This fall, Ana de Armas IS blonde — sorry, I mean — Ana de Armas is in Blonde, Andrew Dominik’s long-awaited adaptation of the Joyce Carol Oates novel based on the life of Marilyn Monroe. Have you ever seen the words “JOYCE CAROL OATES” in big letters in a teaser trailer before? Well, now you have. Continue reading

D.H. Lawrence's Ego Unbound

By Ryu Spaeth

'Sea and Sardinia,' the writer's 1921 travel book, is bursting with impatience and irritation. That's what makes it so much fun.

In 1921, D.H. Lawrence visited the Mediterranean island of Sardinia, a short boat ride from his home base in Sicily. He went to escape, not only from “these maddening, exasperating, impossible Sicilians,” as he would write in his account of the journey, Sea and Sardinia, but also from an almost claustrophobic sense of stasis. “Comes over one an absolute necessity to move,” he declares in the book’s opening sentence, just the first of many volcanic utterances that litter the Lawrentian landscape. Actual volcanoes and sunsets and coastlines are featured throughout this slim travel book, but none of these quite compare to the spectacle of Lawrence himself.

“Comes over one an absolute necessity to move” — a sentence that is head over heels with impatience, as if he is already half out the door. Lawrence has no patience at all, not for those maligned Sicilians, certainly, nor for much else. Bad food, high prices, loud children: they all lodge under his thin skin, to be dwelled on with mounting fury, like an itch that has been scratched so much it bleeds. The first meal he takes on the boat to Sardinia with the q-b — short for queen bee, his nickname for his equally tempestuous wife Frieda — is not the rustic deliciousness a modern reader might expect. “Bash comes a huge plate of thick, oily cabbage soup, very full, swilkering over the sides,” he writes. Next course: “a massive yellow omelette, like some log of bilious wood.” And then: “a long slab of the inevitable meat cut into innumerable slices, tasting of dead nothingness and having a thick sauce of brown neutrality.” Anthony Bourdain, this is not.Continue reading

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06/08/12

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