First thing’s first: I’m not making my novel draft deadline that I mentioned earlier this year. It’s frustrating and, trust me, I’m the one who’s most pissed off at not being able to solidify the crucial mechanics required for creating a fictional online video game and subsequently be able to translate said mechanics into something more digestible for a non-gaming audience. If it’s any consolation, yes, that desire to pursue that idea still lingers within me but I am mentally flagellating myself over it because I want the thing out of me like a mother-to-be at nine months. However, all of this failure isn’t without its merits—because I’ve got a new project that I’ve been slowly working on and I’d just like to talk about it briefly here.

See, as it seems to be the ongoing trend for summer blockbusters this year, the idea of the multiverse and string theory as a whole has got me thinking and feeling quite a bit much to my close friends’ detriment (people always tell me that the curtains are just blue but sometimes they can be more). Somehow, it’s got me wondering about the future in a different way—that is to say that I’m not lighting a cigarette before welcoming oblivion as I think of how we all probably have got seven years left to go on Earth before someone pushes a red button or we start considering Soylent Green amidst global food shortages. No, I’ve been strangely content in coming to terms with the freedom of knowing that nothing matters. And of course, when it comes to exclaiming that “nothing matters”, I feel obligated to throw in that one Friedrich Nietzsche quote like so:

“Whomever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.“—Friedrich Nietzsche, “Beyond Good and Evil” (146)

Freeze in fear or revel in knowing that there’s peace to be found in the flames of preconceived notions regarding earthly importance. Choose to blink or move as the void you peer into challenges everything that you knew before by means of complete obliteration. Y’know, nihilism and all that. But not the edgy, dark-eyed pop culture nihilism seen in movies—I’m talking about active nihilism. It is the contrary mentality which emboldens an individual to be free from fear, shame, and guilt from existing as opposed to the passive nihilist—the mindset discouraged and crippled from knowing that their being means nothing in the grand scheme of their universe and beyond. Boohoo to the baby-men weeping that realized that they weren’t the center of their universe, am I right? But I digress.

There’s peace to be had when applying this sort of enlightenment to something as close and intimate as mere family and friendships. Despite everything and nothing, there’s something beautiful in choosing to invest time with loved ones before our imminent ends—not lounging about because of obligation, mundane politics, or self-righteous pity, but simply being around folks as we all circle the drain of the abyss. So, if misery does enjoy company, then I suppose I’m glad to be miserable at this point in time.

With all of that said, this philosophy has led me to put the novel on hiatus in exchange for a much more lighthearted project (I mean, the thing is more or less an inbred in-joke). I’m writing an isekai comic/manga about a poor son-of-a-bitch who has to complete their PhD in a fantasy world.

I swear to god that I was still sober as I wrote that last sentence (but I guarantee y’all that I’ll be downing a bottle of Moscato before going back to work tomorrow).

Everything’s still in alpha stages if you will and I’m fairly certain that this will become my first collaborative work when I manage to finish the first draft and get to the editing stages for the thing. But, to be honest, I just hope that I can have fun with this project and get it done by the end of the year (and if everything goes well, y’all can expect to see some more news leading up to its completion and whatnot).

Hong Kong Gorillaz Nothing Matters and I'm Fine (No, Really) by Tyrone B.

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