😡 Everything is bad everywhere all at once

It’s funny when the inflation report comes out as if it’s a big reveal that prices have gone up. Yeah, we know. We’ve been out here trying to buy stuff. I’m reading that headline while eating $27 chicken fingers, but thanks for the “news.”

What’s really confusing to me though is how everything is going wrong in every direction all at once…

The economy is reeling
but also
we need to slow it down.

Companies are laying people off
but also
no one can find workers.

Wildfires are out of control
but also
it’s snowing in Mexico City in June.

There are homeless people everywhere
but also
home sales are through the roof.

At this point, I’ve accepted that everything is going to hell. But it'd be nice if we could agree on one clear direction for getting there.

It all makes me want to fly somewhere nice and just go to the beach
but also
there are no flight crews and no lifeguards.

🔪 Hidden appliances

Any time I visit someone with a newish kitchen, I need a sherpa to help me figure out where things go. Because nowadays, the goal of fancy foodies is to pretend appliances don’t exist; so kitchens wind up becoming a David Blainesque extravaganza of misdirection: “This isn’t a shelf, it’s a refrigerator. And this isn’t a cabinet, it’s a dishwasher!” Well, I just opened seven drawers, finally gave up, and put my dirty silverware in the trash so I hope you’re happy.

It’s all extremely hostile to visitors. My .02: Just let appliances apply. Let your fridge be a fridge. Let your oven be an oven. These tools serve a noble purpose and should not have to pretend it’s Kitchen Halloween™️ 24/7.

You make food in here and we all know it. Anyone who owns eggs needs to keep them cool. That’s fine. You don’t have to engage in some coverup like you’re the Uvalde police department.

🐻 Grin and Bear it

Speaking of kitchens, I really came around on The Bear. It was quite a 360 though. The first episode or two were so filled with so many absurd plot holes. (Who are these costumed freaks lined up outside the restaurant who are fine with gun shots? How will switching from beef to pasta 20mins before opening speed things up? Trust me, I could go on.)

And it’s all so loud and grating that my initial impression was the show was created for former restaurant workers who want to subconsciously relive their trauma. As my buddy Rex put it: “It’s Uncut Gems for the Eater set.” Also enjoyed this comment on it (via Mike Recine): “It’s blue collar p0rn for the college educated.”

But by the hot dog ep, I was a buyer. There are some great monologues, legit funny moments, Chitown vibes (warning: the accents are trés inauthentic), it’s shot beautifully (the penultimate ep ends with an incredible tracking shot that bleeds claustrophobia – literally), and the soundtrack is filled with interesting choices.

If you love it, you’re right. And if you hate it, I totally understand. Also, this is how I talk during sex now: "Behind! Corner! Heard! Yes, chef!"

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Quickies

🎯 Bunch of former weed dealers gonna start selling abortion pills. The corner is about to get painted pink.

🎯 Cops should have to return all that hero p*ssy they got from 2001-2010.

🎯 No one actually supports anything anymore. We just unite around a common enemy.

🎯 The key thing dating apps must offer is the illusion you're just about to meet the right person, without ever actually delivering on it. They maximize engagement by making sure users never actually get engaged.

🎯 By the end, Trump’s team – Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, the MyPillow Guy – was basically the political version of Howard Stern’s wack pack. All that was missing was Beetlejuice and High Pitch Eric.

🎯 Bees must think they’re scamming flowers but the flowers know the truth.

🎯 It’s the golden age of performative activism:
"I signed a Change.org petition to remove Clarence Thomas from the Supreme Court!"
"Great, I've always said the best place to take a political stand is alongside people who want to bring back Wendy's Spicy Chicken Nuggets!"

🎯 Prostitution is a real quid pro ho.

🎯 I hope all these “authentic” cookbook authors are giving a commission to their grandmothers for those recipes they keep stealing.

🎯 Comedians now: “everyone put your phones away…or be sure to tag me.”

🎯 Video games are such a perversion of masculinity. Men have evolved to fight wars, farm land, and conquer foes. Yet what do we do with this energy now? Crouch over tiny screens to stack boxes, hit buttons to collect coins, & cheer when we score faux touchdowns. Our stifled bodies have created our lost minds.

🎯 Insight from Forbes! 👇

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Hire me

FYI I do freelance writing, video production, and more for cool companies who “get it.” Some details in case ya wanna throw cash at me…

Writing
I write! You know that. Details on my freelancing, experience, and samples at my writer-for-hire site: Fort Pelican. Potential deliverables include interviews, think pieces, manifestos, case studies, newsletters, or whatever else is needed. Here's a neat piece I did with Unsplash's CEO to give you a taste:

Madison Avenue, we’ve got a problem. Creative is dead and the spreadsheets and algorithms murdered it. The bots have triumphed and the result is mind-numbingly dull. “Nobody gets fired for buying IBM,” they used to say. Now, nobody gets fired for buying Facebook ads.

Video production
I also create custom videos for companies with our Vooza production team. Examples: Promo videos for MagicBell (here’s a look at how we did it), CommonBond, and lots more.

Speaking
I can come to your conference, company, or wherever and give a talk that’s funny and/or legit interesting.

Other
Wanna start a podcast? Need your current site copy reviewed? Something else? Happy to figure out the best fit that works.

Just hit reply or email mattruby@hey.com to start a convo about any of this.

Standup

Check out my latest comedy clips over at my Instagram or YouTube.

5-spotted

1) Naval: Play Long-term Games With Long-term People.

But essentially if you want to be successful, you have to work with other people. And you have to figure out who can you trust, and who can you trust over a long, long period of time, that you can just keep playing the game with them, so that compound interest, and high trust will make it easier to play the game, and will let you collect the major rewards, which are usually at the end of the cycle.

2) Ed Yong’s got a new book that explores perception in the animal world and the limitations of our own senses. On Fresh Air, he explained how bees didn’t evolve to see the colors of flowers. Instead, flowers evolved to be seen by bee eyes.

One of my favorite things about the relationship between insect vision and flowers is that if you took all the colors in all the flowers that were out there, and you asked ... what kind of color vision is best at discriminating between these colors? What you get is an eye that's basically almost what a bee has, an eye that is maximally sensitive to blue, green and ultraviolet. And you might think then that the bee eye has evolved to see the colors of flowers really well. That's exactly the opposite of what happened, because the bee eye came first, the flowers evolved later. So the colors of flowers have evolved to ideally tickle the eyes of bees, and I think that's a truly wondrous result. It means that beauty, as we know it, is not only in the eye of the beholder, it arises because of that eye.

3) Us: “It’s a lie.” Them: “We don’t care!” Why? People want to be lied to. Jonah Goldberg on Lying Liars and the Marks Who Love Them.

A lot of people simply want to be lied to. They want it so bad that they get angry at the people who won’t lie to them. Liz Cheney is a villain because she’s telling the truth. And telling the truth threatens the supply chain of bullshit. I just hate being taken for a fool by liars so much, I can’t muster the emotional imagination to viscerally comprehend why Trump’s fans aren’t furious at him. Nor can I muster much sympathy for them, because at this point, to still believe that Trump isn’t the most glaringly obvious, self-serving, and oafish liar to dominate American life since at least the advent of mass communication is beyond me. I can only assume they want to be lied to.

4) Marisa Kabas on the weirdness of being an American Jew. (I’ll say.)

I often say that being an American Jew is, in a word, weird. In a popular Twitter thread last year, I called it “a mindfuck.” To some, we’re the epitome of successful white immigrants; to others, we’re untrustworthy ethnic minorities who will never be a part of the Christian elite. We exist at all times betwixt and between, never knowing when it’s safe to openly and proudly declare our religion. White supremacists marched through Charlottesville, Virginia in 2017 holding blazing tiki torches and shouting “Jews will not replace us!” We are all at once a massive target for hate-fueled violence and a footnote in larger stories of bigotry and oppression. We are lucky and cursed all at once.

5) A Q&A with Matt Labash, author of the excellent (and funny) Slack Tide newsletter. Here he encourages seeing the humanity of those you find disagreeable.

I would say that we all, of course, have our political predilections, our biases, our pocket lists of villains we think deserve to die slow, painful deaths. That’s natural. But our politics, held onto too tightly, inevitably ruin just about everyone.  If  you can never hear the music, or appreciate the humanity of the people you disagree with – and they almost all have something to recommend them - whether you’re a foaming-at-the-mouth Trumpster, or some tight-assed faculty-lounge wokester, you’re gonna miss out on the full human experience. You’re gonna live in your cramped, filthy hovel of a world with grievance and anger and resentment, which ain’t gonna affect your ideological enemies very much, but it will eat up your insides. So my advice would be get outside. Both physically – in nature, which is a balm – and outside yourself, as well. Your crap never smells as good as you think it does. So smell somebody else’s on occasion.

Thanks for reading. Tell a friend, subscribe, and go get drunk! 🥸

-Matt