War-Life Balance in Kyiv

I am from Kyiv, born and raised, and I have spent most of my life in the capital. I was in Kyiv at the start of the invasion and made a rather intuitive (or maybe counter-intuitive) decision to stay for as long as it is still possible.

During the first month of war, my life here was mostly about moving from my flat to a bomb shelter and back. Most nights I stayed awake anticipating possible rocket strikes while tweeting and posting about the war or writing to my colleagues abroad to provide them with information. We all focused on donating to volunteers and gathering funds somehow. All the while I bore in mind the possibility that things might escalate even further at any moment as the Russian army was in close vicinity of Kyiv.

Within a couple of month after they had left the Kyiv region, life here went more or less back to a familiar rhythm: some businesses reopened, many people returned to their homes. However, things are definitely not the same as before and probably will not be in the foreseeable future.

My everyday life now balances between doing creative work for some clients, creating war-themed digital illustrations, short comics and charity prints. I’m also doing educational work on social media and help fundraise for the people who support the army and medics or are serving in the Armed Forces themselves. I have taken up a short course on first aid, too. In between, I run daily chores, meet with friends, and sometimes even make plans for the future – even if those plans pan out differently, they help me regain a sense of agency. In the evenings, I run through my routine: deciding whether to sleep in the bedroom or on the futon in the hallway where there are no windows, double-checking to ensure all my devices are fully charged, and keeping my emergency bag within reach.

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This depiction of my ‘war-life balance’ may sound strange for people who are not directly affected by Russia’s invasion. I have noticed some people online complaining about Ukrainians going shopping, going to parks in the city or pursuing some other ‘peace time activities’. Even if it may look weird, this is actually how you survive in the middle of a war. People still need to earn money to get by and we all need to support the army. The state needs taxes to stay operational.

Buying from small local bakeries or coffee shops has become an expression of support beyond the usual consumerist act. And many coffee shops and small businesses now also serve as community hubs. There are piggy banks and QR-codes to encourage donations to the defenders. People can order ‘pending coffees’ for soldiers. One of the more popular Kyiv bars is holding charity concerts on an almost daily basis.

This sort of ‘war-life balance’ is only possible in cities relatively far from the frontline, but even here we still need to be cautious all the time – rockets can reach anywhere.

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At the beginning of the invasion, my emotions were kind of blurred and subdued by survival instincts. It’s still a bit like that now, but I regained my ability to acknowledge and process some of these emotions in early April, when the Russian forces withdrew from the Kyiv region. When we finally discovered all the atrocities committed by them in nearby towns and villages, it was extremely painful.

Today, as the war goes on, I experience an emotional see-saw on a daily basis – from adrenaline-induced optimism to a kind of burnout. I guess this is true for many people around me. Let us not forget that the war has been going on since spring of 2014, when the Crimea was annexed and later the war at Donbas started. Many of my friends are internally displaced people who had to flee their homes in Crimea or cities in eastern Ukraine because of death threats from Russian-backed criminals for their pro-Ukrainian position. Eight years of conflict has left many Ukrainians traumatised.

It is almost impossible to not be personally affected or have some friends, colleagues and acquaintances who are affected by this war. My significant other, many of my friends and colleagues are serving in the army now. One of my colleagues has joined Hospitallers, the largest volunteer organisation of military paramedics in Ukraine. Some of my friends lost their homes in Irpin to Russian rockets, others fled Bucha in the middle of ongoing battles. I have heard many stories about Mariupol from the people I know. This is how the war becomes a shared experience of an entire nation.

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If there is one message I’d like to share with your readers it’s that Ukraine must and absolutely can win this war. Prof. Timothy Snyder brilliantly outlined why this victory is crucial not only for the region, but for democracy across the world. This is a war of liberation, a battle against an enemy that wants to persuade the world that we as a nation never existed. That’s how high the stakes are for us.

We have to dismiss all those colonial lies about how the Russian and Ukrainian nations were ‘brothers’; how Ukraine did not exist up until 1991; that the world cannot go without Russian gas; that all the Western weapons won’t make a difference; or that it’s simply illogical to resist when Ukraine could just cede some territories. It is important to counter these lies.

In case you’re looking for trustworthy information about Ukraine, please check The Kyiv Independent or Euromaidan Press for quality journalism in English; Stratcom Centre UA, @vinokcollective, Maksym Eristavi, Sergey Mohov on Instagram and Twitter. And if you want to help Ukrainians, these are trusted, local charity initiatives: Come Back Alive, Serhiy Prytula Foundation, United 24, Hospitallers.

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I want to leave you with an analogy that involves a short story by Ursula K. Le Guin who influenced me so much. It is called The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas and it describes a wonderful, prosperous, democratic, utopian society whose prosperity depends on the perpetual suffering of a single person. There are the ones who just continue to live in willful ignorance, and then there are the ones who cannot accept the truth and decide to leave.

I think now more than ever it’s becoming evident that there is terrible suffering occuring in some parts of the world that has been accepted or ignored by many for too long. It’s as if there is an unspoken agreement that certain countries and their people are simply destined to suffer, that there is no way to avoid it. But it does not have to be this way. We can decide to open our eyes – to see the suffering. It will make us uncomfortable, question our worldview and test our morals. But it’s the only way to live a life in truth.