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The issue with decisions

Swimming in a sea of choice. Or choosing not to.

Pete Harbeson

Aug 4

Photography

Word of the day

The word “literally” comes from the Latin “literalis’ (pertaining to letters) and its (ahem) literal meaning is “word for word” or “exactly”. You most often see it used in sentences like this: “After getting that promotion I was literally walking on air!” Now, it’s very close to literally true that the speaker was not literally walking on air, right? It’s not unusual for usages like that to be scoffed at because it’s very common — arguably more common — for “literally” to be used to mean “figuratively”, which is, at least in a sense, its opposite.

But there’s really nothing wrong with that usage — “literally”, like many other words, has two meanings. In this case, the meanings are contradictory. “Literally” isn’t unique in that regard either; the word “permit” can mean to allow, and it can also mean to punish. LIkewise, the word “cleave” can mean to separate, and it can also mean to come together.

Complaints about the figurative use of “literally” often assume that not only is it a mistake to use the word that way, but it’s a recent development. That’s not true either. “Literally” first appeared in the early 1400s in something called “The Mirour of Mans Saluacion,” where it was used in its literal, not figurative sense. But by the 1600s John Dryden was using “literally” to mean not “word for word” but as an intensifier: “my daily bread is literally implored”. (He meant he had to beg for food.) Then by 1769 you can find “literally” used figuratively:

“He is a fortunate man to be introduced to such a party of fine women at his arrival; it is literally to feed among the lilies.” -Frances Brooke in “The History of Emily Montague.”

That usage is technically metaphoric, by the way, because Brooke is quoting the “Song of Solomon” in saying “…to feed among the lilies”. But the figurative use of “literally” is even plainer by 1801 in the book “The Spirit of the Farmer’s Museum and Lay Preacher’s Gazette:”

“He is, literally, made up of marechal power, cravat, and bootees.”

And just to drive the point home that “literally” has also meant “figuratively” for centuries — and hasn’t been a mistake — leading authors including Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, James Joyce, and Vladimir Nabokov have used the word that way.

Anything can be overused, of course, or even used badly. But there’s literally nothing amiss with using “literally” figuratively — that’s what it means.

Tales from the forest

“Ferret, why did you just spit on the ground?” asked Hare.

“I had no choice,” said Ferret, “I had to do it.”

“What do you mean you had no choice? It’s a deliberate thing, spitting on the ground like that. And it’s rude,” said Hare, who was slightly offended.

“It’s Raccoon’s fault,” said Ferret. “She ummed so I had to spit. Like I said, no choice.”

“What are you talking about?” sputtered Hare. “Raccoon ‘ummed’? What does that even mean? You need to apologize.”

“Raccoon said ‘um,” said Ferret, “so I had to respond by spitting. That’s procedure.”

“I’m, um, not sure I’m quite following this,” said Raccoon.

Ferret spit on the ground again.

“Stop doing that,” said Hare.

“Talk to Raccoon,” said Ferret. “It’s her fault.”

“How can it be Raccoon’s fault that you’re doing something disgusting?” said Hare.

“Well it’s not my fault,” said Ferret. “I’m just following procedure. I had no choice in the matter.”

Hare blinked.

“Um…” said Raccoon.

Ferret spit on the ground.

“Okay, I’ve had enough of this,” said Hare. “Ferret, explain yourself right now, or I’m never giving you another tea cake.”

“That’s not fair,” said Ferret, who loved Hare’s tea cakes.

“I’m waiting,” said Hare, tapping his large foot.

“It’s like this,” said Ferret, “procedure is that whenever Raccoon says ‘um,’ the proscribed response is spitting on the ground. I didn’t make the rules.”

“How is that a rule?” asked Hare incredulously. “It’s just stupid.”

“Rules are rules,” said Ferret, not looking Hare in the eye.

“That’s stupid too,” said Hare, “and anyway, even if it were a rule — which it isn’t — you have to decide to follow a rule. When you decide something, Ferret, that means you make a choice. Or are you just a mechanical ferret? Because you know,” Hare went on, “mechanical ferrets don’t get tea cakes. Ever.”

“When I signed up,” said Ferret, “I agreed to follow the rules. So okay, I decided — back then — and after that, I have no choice.”

“What are you talking about,” said Hare, thoroughly confused, “what did you sign up for?”

“Ferret Scouts,” said Ferret. “Look, here’s my badge.” He took something out of his pocket.

“That’s a rock,” said Hare.

“Badge,” sniffed Ferret, and put the rock…or badge…away.

“All right, never mind that,” said Hare. “So you’re claiming that you can make one choice, and after that you just become a mechanical ferret that never decides again?”

“Not a mechanical ferret,” said Ferret, thinking about the tea cakes. “But you’re right about the one choice. When you agree to follow the Ferret Scout rules, you have to — otherwise you’d be letting down your sister and brother Ferret Scouts.”

“Wait a moment,” said Raccoon, who was still there. “I remember you talking about Ferret Scouts before — you were helping your friend Smudo, the Ferret Scout who’d been caught stealing acorns.”

“Ferret Scouts stick together,” said Ferret.

“But isn’t there a Ferret Scout rule about not stealing?”

“Of course there is,” said Ferret. “But a Ferret Scout stands up for their brother and sister Ferret Scouts. That’s an unwritten rule.”

“Says who?” asked Hare. “And how do you know what a rule is if it might not even be written down?”

“You just know,” said Ferret. “If you’re a Ferret Scout.”

“Let me get this straight,” said Hare, “you do something disgusting and duck your responsibility because of Ferret Scout rules, but when a Ferret Scout breaks the rules you support them because of another rule that’s more important than the ‘don’t steal acorns’ rule, but that other rule is not even written down. Is that about right?”

“You’ve got it,” said Ferret.

“Um…” said Raccoon.

Ferret spit on the ground.

“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” ranted Hare. “Um! Um, um, um!”

Ferret just stood there.

“Ferret! I just said ‘um’ four times in a row! Where’s your disgusting spitting?” yelled Hare.

“There’s no rule about hares saying ‘um,’” said Ferret. “Just raccoons.”

“I am so done with this,” said Hare. “Come on, Raccoon, let’s go over to my house and have some tea cakes. Ferret, you’re not invited. Goodbye.”

Hare and Raccoon stomped off in the direction of Hare’s house.

“Figures,” said Ferret. “That’s why we Ferret Scouts have to stick together. Nobody else understands.” He reached into his pocket and caressed his rock…or badge.