Picture this: Your life, but with less stress. That’s our destination. But to get there, we’re embarking on a month-long journey with this weekly email series. Glad you hopped aboard.

Now that you’re here, let’s get to know another passenger on this trip: stress. Know her. Don’t love her. But gotta live with her. She’s that friend who keeps showing up uninvited. And has a knack for making her presence known. Particularly over the last few years. TBH, it’s impossible to stop stressing altogether. But you can figure out how to have stress in your life without letting it run your life. 

How this’ll work: We’ll send you four emails all about: what stress is and where it comes from (hint: that’s this one), setting boundaries (yes, you can do it), building a support system (of loved ones and maybe therapists), and learning techniques that can help you manage stress in the short- and long-term. We promise not in a woo-woo way. All with expert insight from psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein and therapist Haesue Jo. 

EXPERT INTERVIEWED

Although she can get a bad rap, stress can be good if you get to know her. 

Biologically, the stress response works like an alarm signaling that there’s a fire, she says. It’s an important adaptation that’s long ensured our species’ survival. Think: The human instinct to run, hide, or fight when faced with something dangerous, like a hungry leopard. (Don’t recommend that last one.) 

⭐ The good...

Today, the stress response helps us avoid modern-day predators. Like a BMW that cuts you off on the highway. If you encounter that kind of aggressive beast, your brain’s stress response should activate your nervous system and get your body to change lanes (and hopefully not flip the bird). Stress can also be there to push you to focus on productive things, like work that’s on deadline. Thanks, I guess?

👎 The bad...

Too much stress can be toxic. See: burnout. Which the WHO defines as unmanaged chronic workplace stress. And it’s a common problem, with 42% of women in one wide study saying they were burned out at work last year, and maybe as many Googling “quiet quitting” this year. It can involve feeling detached, exhausted, and like you’re not accomplishing things. And it’s more than just a workplace issue (cough, motherhood, cough).

🙅‍♀️ The ugly...

Beyond burnout, chronic stress can also be a major risk factor when it comes to mental health concerns like…

• Anxiety

When you have nonstop worries — which might include intrusive thoughts — that can get worse over time and lead to physical side effects. Think: nausea and raised blood pressure. “It’s like playing whack-a-mole with your brain,” Rubenstein says. “You’re having to constantly respond to stimuli.” And it’s something that a national panel of health experts, the US Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF), recently rec’d screening for regularly before age 65. The USPSTF’s draft recommendation also cited data suggesting that 40% of US women will face an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.

• Depression

When you persistently feel like things are dark or sad. And, no, you can’t just ‘snap out’ of it. Sometimes, those issues might not be obvious to others. Although anxiety and depression can coexist, they’re different: Anxiety can feel “activating,” while depression “kind of slows you down and makes you more lethargic,” Rubenstein says. Depression symptoms can include: losing interest in things you once enjoyed, feelings of emptiness, changes in appetite, and sleep problems. And a major red flag: suicidal thoughts. (Call 988 if that’s you or someone you know.)

We won’t lie to you: There are tons of external stressors out there. They can come with the demands of being a caregiver to children and/or parents (millennial women often do both). With managing the mental load of the household (which includes ‘invisible tasks’ that are required to make things go smoothly — like remembering to schedule an appointment or go to the store for milk). With moving up in your career while trying to close a still-very-real gender pay gap. With feeling financially strapped while navigating the added effects of inflation. And with any other number of potential work and life concerns you face daily. We realize we just named a bunch of stressful things, which perhaps isn’t helpful. 

But something that might be: When you’re experiencing stress, try to get specific on what exactly that means. Is your body responding to a specific stressor? And which emotions are you feeling? Answering those questions can help give you a new perspective on what you’re going through. “By putting words to what we're feeling, you tone down the intensity of the feeling,” Rubenstein says. In other words: ‘name it to tame it.’ 

Chances are you’ve complained about being ‘hormonal.’ But really consider how your hormone levels fluctuate during your menstrual cycle. Because those can impact your stress levels majorly. 

No, we’re not saying to blame everything on PMS. But when your estrogen levels drop and progesterone levels change — which can happen in the days before your period — that can cause you to feel more irritable and less equipped to handle stressors. Other body changes that could impact hormone levels and your ability to manage stress: being pregnant and postpartum, and going through perimenopause.

YOUR MOVE

Here’s something to check off your de-stress to-do list (because crossing off tasks feels good):

✨ Progressive muscle relaxation:

That’s when you create tension in different muscle groups in your body and then release it. Try starting with your toes, calves, thighs, and then go all the way up to your chest, shoulders, mouth, and eyes. 

WHAT'S NEXT

You know you should have them, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to make them stick. That’s where we come in.

Skimm’d by Carly Mallenbaum, Anthony Rivas, Karell Roxas, and Jane Ackermann

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