Finding a therapist can feel a lot like dating. Nobody tries to rush into a relationship with the wrong match. But it can happen. So take time to figure out what you want (think: non-negotiables like the kind of support you need or how often you plan to see someone) before putting yourself out there. |
This week, we’ll talk more about that. As well as how to get set for your first therapy session, how to get the most out of it (with expert insight), and what you can do to support your mental health if you find that therapy isn’t a fit. But first, here’s a quick recap of what we went over last week: |
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Sure, it's a good idea to keep your phone up to date regularly with the latest software. But you might not proactively install those updates until your phone starts freezing. In a way, therapy is like getting updates for your brain’s software. So it makes sense that you might not consider speaking to a therapist until your mental health gets bad enough to impact daily functions, like sleep, eating habits, and work. Or you experience a traumatic event.
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Therapy can be an option during those trying times. But it can also help to talk to a pro regularly to continuously manage your stress and anxiety (see: regularly updating your software on time). Either way, therapy can give you tools to deal with stressful situations in the future. And could potentially lead to long-lasting brain changes that positively impact your overall mental health.
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Before you begin your search for a therapist, there are a few things to sort out: |
If you have insurance, know that the law requires most plans to treat mental health like physical health coverage. Meaning: if you have a certain copay (or coinsurance) for a podiatrist, it should be the same for a psychologist. If you don’t have insurance (or use someone out of network), paying out of pocket could cost more than $100 a session. We hear that nervous laugh. So here are some other paths to consider:
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Kind of like a Brandy Melville dress, therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. So before you settle on a therapist, peruse the different types and determine which credentials and specialties are important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a therapist who focuses on neurodiversity, LGBTQIA+ topics, BIPOC communities, perinatal concerns, childhood trauma, or something else. And make sure they’re licensed. Specific therapy credentials depend on the state but look for letters like LCSW, LMFT, LPC, and LMHC. Or, for a psychologist, PsyD or PhD. And you can confirm their licenses online.
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Note: Most licensed clinicians can treat anxiety and depression. |
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What time of day do you want to see someone? If you’re sipping from a “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” mug, you might prefer evenings. If you can’t commit to a regular slot during the work week, maybe you want weekends. Also think about how often you’ll want to meet with them (many patients go weekly, but going to therapy biweekly can also be an option). And for how long you’d like to be in therapy (because treatment lengths can vary).
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Haesue Jo, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with experience providing mental health and behavioral counseling for kids, teens, and adults |
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Haesue Jo, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with experience providing mental health and behavioral counseling for kids, teens, and adults |
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^That’s how many psychologists received referrals for new patients in 2021, according to an American Psychological Association survey. Nearly double the number of psychs who’d gotten referrals in 2020 (37%). So if it feels like finding a therapist is a lot like your local dating pool (see: not many options), that surge in demand could be why.
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As a result, many therapists have waitlists and limited availability. But here are some ways to help you find ~the one~: |
Get a list of in-network therapists… Your insurance provider should be able to share one. Pro tip: Confirm with the therapists that they take your insurance because those lists aren’t always the most up-to-date. And note: It’s wise to reach out to several practitioners because chances are some will be fully booked and you might have to go on wait lists. Ask them to recommend another therapist if that’s the case. |
Ask for referrals... Talk to people in your circles about their therapists, and see if they can suggest anyone. Or go to your PCP for a rec. It doesn’t hurt to ask around. |
Consider teletherapy…
That way, you can choose from a list of potential therapists miles or even states away. And you talk to them from home. Teletherapy can include video chats, phone calls, emails, or texts with a medical professional (see: the online groups and apps mentioned earlier). Keep in mind: When using an app, you might want to update your privacy settings to limit personal data from being shared.
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Once you and a therapist have swiped right on each other, it’s time for your first meeting. And just like a first date, that can feel more like an interview. |
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Thing To Know:
Many therapists offer a free consultation before the first official, billed session. So take them up on the offer. See if you’re interested in the treatment they offer. And that you feel comfortable talking to them. But know that it’s OK to date around before you commit to one therapist. |
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Step 3: Know Before You Go |
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Here's what BetterHelp therapist Haesue Jo had to say... |
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🗣️ Talk to someone, even if it’s not a therapist Whether or not you decide to move forward with a mental health professional, your assignment this week is to talk to someone. We suggest: phoning an old friend. |
Although therapy can be a useful tool, it can’t replace the two-way support system of friendship. Which, studies show, is also important for your physical health. And yes, we’re saying pick up the phone instead of text, because voice-based media can make people feel more connected.
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Extra Credit: Feel free to just catch up during your call. But if you want to go deep, consider working these questions into the conversation: |
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- What’s your favorite thing about our friendship?
- Can you tell me about the last time you felt lonely?
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If you could change one thing in your life tomorrow, what would it be?
- How can I work on being a better friend to you?
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Breathwork is an important de-stressing tool that’s always with you. Let’s talk about how to use it effectively. |
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Skimm’d by Carly Mallenbaum, Anthony Rivas, and Karell Roxas |
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