Veteran bankruptcy pro John J. Ray III, the newly appointed FTX CEO, said the collapsed crypto exchange was the worst corporate failure he’s ever witnessed. And he oversaw the liquidation of Enron.

Here’s some of what Ray wrote in an absolutely bonkers bankruptcy filing yesterday:

• “I have over 40 years of legal and restructuring experience. I have been the Chief Restructuring Officer or Chief Executive Officer in several of the largest corporate failures in history. I have supervised situations involving allegations of criminal activity and malfeasance (Enron).”
• “Nearly every situation in which I have been involved has been characterized by defects of some sort in internal controls, regulatory compliance, human resources and systems integrity. Never in my career have I seen such a complete failure of corporate controls and such a complete absence of trustworthy financial information as occurred here.” (Emphasis ours.)

Why such a dumpster fire?

How long do you have? Here are just a few examples of the chaos and mismanagement that went on at FTX, as described by Ray.

Lack of spending controls: FTX employees submitted payment requests through a chat platform, which were approved with personalized emojis. Some corporate funds were used to buy homes and personal items for employees and advisors, according to Ray.

Nonexistent records: Speaking of FTX employees, Ray said his team is having a hard time piecing together just who worked at the company because they couldn’t find an official roster. Furthermore, there are no records of major business decisions made by FTX because former CEO Sam Bankman-Fried allegedly made those using auto-deleting messages.

Finally, Ray really wants you to know that SBF has nothing to do with the company anymore. In his tweets and conversations with the press, SBF has continued to make “erratic and misleading public statements,” and he does not speak for the current iteration of FTX, according to Ray.

Think we could all use a cold shower after that story. Moving on…—NF

​ ​Pelosi to step down as top Democrat in Congress. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she will not seek a leadership position in the next Congress after nearly two decades serving as the party’s head honcho. Pelosi is a monumental figure on Capitol Hill: She was the first woman to become the Speaker of the House (in 2007) and she helped pass landmark legislation such as the Wall Street rescue plan during the financial crisis and trillions of dollars worth of stimulus during the Covid pandemic. She’s not leaving DC completely, though—she plans to continue representing San Francisco in Congress.

​ Ticketmaster was ratioed to oblivion. Ticketmaster, which became Public Enemy No. 1 this week for its mishandling of Taylor Swift tour tickets, said it was canceling its planned public sale of Swift tickets today due to extreme demand that outstripped inventory. But despite being criticized by fans and lawmakers, the company isn’t showing much remorse. Greg Maffei, the chairman of Ticketmaster parent Live Nation, told CNBC that the platform malfunctioned because it simply wasn’t built to handle the volume of people clamoring for tickets to Swift’s first tour since 2018.

🫡 Hundreds of Twitter employees chose not to be “hardcore.” Twitter suffered a mass exodus yesterday as employees posted saluting emojis in Slack that signified their choice to quit in the face of Elon Musk’s ultimatum to commit to an “extremely hardcore” culture or leave by 5pm ET. Critical engineering teams are said to have departed, and Twitter insiders told The Verge they expect the site to start breaking soon. Perhaps the best indication of a crisis was #RIPTwitter trending on the platform itself.

More than 2,000 unionized Starbucks employees staged a one-day strike on Red Cup Day yesterday. The walkout—which the union says was meant to get the company to bargain with workers in good faith—was nationwide, with more than 100 stores in 25 states participating.

Red Cup Day is the chaotic annual tradition where Starbucks gives out reusable, limited-edition red cups to customers who order a holiday drink. With loyalists lining up early to collect the cups before locations run out, it’s one of the chain’s busiest and most profitable days of the year. For Starbucks workers who voted to unionize in part due to what they claim is chronic understaffing during peak hours, though, it’s not exactly a day to look forward to.

And the success of the union drive has emboldened its members to take action. Since last year, 264 Starbucks stores have voted in favor of unionizing under the Starbucks Workers Union, but the company has not agreed to a contract with any of them. The union, which now represents around 7,000 employees, says Starbucks is dragging its feet in contract talks (a claim Starbucks denies).

Zoom out: The “Red Cup Rebellion,” as striking workers referred to the walkout, was the first nationwide action taken by unionized Sbux workers to disrupt the company’s operations.—MK

The FDA just approved lab-grown chicken for the first time, greenlighting products from startup Upside Foods for human consumption. If Upside gets USDA approval next, the company said it could start pumping out 50,000 pounds of “no-kill” meat products every year.

What is “no-kill” meat? Instead of raising animals for slaughter, Upside (and ~100 other startups in the space) takes a biopsy of a living animal and grows the cells into fat or muscle tissue. Cultivated or lab-grown meat’s big selling point is that it produces less CO2 and takes up less real estate than traditional agriculture. It also decreases the likelihood of foodborne illnesses.

Investors have been foaming at the mouth. Upside has snagged over $600 million in funding from notable names like Bill Gates and meat titan Tyson.

Meat substitute déjà vu: The FDA approval comes as the former “future of meat” title holders suffer through a major slump. After years of hype around its plant-based meat products, Beyond Meat announced it would lay off 19% of staff last month, and retail sales in the plant-based meat industry overall have dropped 10% in the past year.

Can Upside turn the tide? CEO Uma Valeti told us last year why he thinks Upside Foods stands out from its faux meat competitors.—MM

Stat: A new study suggests that declining sperm counts in men present a “looming crisis” that could “threaten mankind’s survival.” In an analysis published this week, researchers said that total sperm concentration has declined 62% between 1972 and 2018, and the rate of decline has only picked up pace since 2000. But many other experts have questioned the findings, saying that more data is needed to conclude whether this actually presents a problem for fertility or broader health issues.

Quote: “homer”

Just when we thought we were finally free from Wordle’s influence, the game has reared its ugly…crown? globe? thing? once again. Thanks to a confusing and US-centric Wordle puzzle back in May, “homer” was just named the Cambridge Dictionary’s word of the year. Referring to the slang for homerun rather than the first name of the Simpsons’ patriarch, homer was looked up on the dictionary’s website more than 65,000 times on May 5, when it was the Wordle solution.

Read: How a Milwaukee fire exposed two systems of justice—one for owners, and another for renters. (ProPublica)

The feeling of getting a 5/5 on the Brew’s Weekly News Quiz has been compared to standing over your clean bathtub.

It’s that satisfying. Ace the quiz.

Liam and Olivia hold their thrones: Here are the top baby names of 2022.

Unbridled enthusiasm: Watch the play-by-play radio announcer for the Minnesota Vikings call the ending to their epic game vs. the Buffalo Bills last week.

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Jigsaw: Pigs in a blanket? No, dogs in pig blankets. Recreate a pug in a bacon-wrapped costume in today’s Jigsaw. Play it here.

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