November 28, 2022 | Read Online

The 5 Qualities of a True Friend

We need to spend time with those who matter most to us — keeping our circle tight and understanding that others are merely transactional.

During his many concerts, Frank Sinatra would sing a song written by Dean Kay and Kelly Gordan called "That's Life." It centers on being on top of the world one moment, at rock bottom the next.

During the 1940s, Sinatra was riding high. By the early 1950s, he was at the lowest point of his life.

On the night before Thanksgiving in 1952, Sinatra was sitting alone at his favorite New York City restaurant, "Patsy's." Owner Pasquale “Patsy” Scognamillo came over to his table to keep him company and listen to him lament about his fair-weathered friends, who only showed their support when the sun was shining.

Sinatra knew he was on the "don't-bother list." His career was in the dumpster. So he asked Patsy if he could have a table for the following day, not noticing the "Closed for Thanksgiving" signs on display in the dining room.

Patsy, far from a fair-weathered friend, obliged.

Patsy then asked a few of his staff members to bring their families to the restaurant. He would cook, and they would all celebrate the holiday with the singer.

When Sinatra arrived the next day, he noticed the restaurant was empty. Patsy never told him that he only opened it for him.

Over the meal, Sinatra realized what Patsy had done.

When many of us are like Sinatra, "down and out," we get 1,000 texts of concern in the first week because everyone is curious to learn "what happened." The next week, those texts are down to 250; the third week, maybe five.

But those five are your "Patsy" friends. We may have a zillion contacts in our phones, but we don't have a zillion friends. Being a great friend requires the following:

Mutual trust and vulnerability. Being able to have honest conversations with complete transparency.
Being willing to challenge each other with the truth.
Making time for one another: phone, text, face time.
Standing with them in times of trouble.
Being non-judgmental.

Once we read the requirements for true friendship, we realize it would be impossible to have that many who qualify. We need to spend our time with those who matter most to us — keeping our circle tight and understanding that others are merely transactional.

Once we understand the difference, we won't judge those who aren't around during our adversity so harshly.

And like Sinatra, we will value our "Patsy" friends even more.