I think a lot about how the built environment influences—makes easier or makes harder—doing ordinary things. One of the things I think about specifically is being a parent/having kids, and how, say, having to buckle two or three kids into car seats and drive everywhere for every single outing is a profound cost imposed on families. It’s one of the things in the back of my head that I dread when we have kids. It’s a reason (of many reasons) why driving less is something I try to do even now.

But since we moved into our new house, I’ve been thinking about something like this in regard to home interior finishes. Specifically, our beautiful wood floors (they came with the house), and our incredibly durable quartz countertops (they also came with the house.)

Neither of these are things I would ever install myself, not least because of the cost. But before I owned them, that would have been my main reason. Now, I see all the ways in which they’re less convenient, and less friendly to accidents. And therefore less friendly to children, and to having them.

The wood floors are loud to walk on. They’re uncomfortable to walk on. You can’t sit down or lie down on them. If you fall, you’ll get bruised. Carpet is softer, quieter, comfier. The only real advantage of wood, as far as I can tell, is aesthetic. Yes, I know they can be cleaned more easily, but so can carpet if you keep on top of it. And besides, you can see the dust on the wood! I’m not sure that’s an advantage.

I see that my behavior in the house is less casual and less relaxed, because the floor is less welcoming and less comfortable. Now if we had kids stamping around on the wood, falling on it and getting hurt, scratching it up with toy cars or pilfered office equipment or what have you? In other words, being kids? I might just rip the damn stuff out and put down carpet.

The quartz countertop? It’s one of the most expensive countertop materials. (And superior to granite, in my book, because granite has to be resealed every year. They don’t push that in the advertising, do they?) It’s easy to clean, and resistant to scratches and chips. That’s great. The thing that gives me pause, however, is just how hard it is. There is absolutely no “give” to it whatsoever, to the point where when I’m chopping on a cutting board I can feel the knife striking the rigid surface underneath. Heck, I can almost feel it shaking my bones. I’ve already almost chipped bowls and broken glasses, because fumbling something from just a few inches, or tipping it over, could easily break it.

As with my wood floors, which prevent me from running or sitting down or rolling around with the cats, my countertop forces me to behave more carefully and deliberately in the kitchen. It’s a more functional kitchen than my old one. It’s unquestionably fancier. I like it. But the fact is I don’t quite enjoy working in it as much. It makes me more apprehensive. It causes this constant mental process to run in the back of my head, making sure I don’t break anything.

And who drops and tips things over a lot? Kids. The difference between “Oops, let’s pick your water glass back up” and “You broke another water glass” is the countertop material.

I guess I’m realizing that on some level, the stress of maintaining nice things can outweigh the joy of owning them.

And I’m also realizing—or, really, just sort of observing curiously—that the stuff you’re likely to buy if you have money and expensive tastes also imposes a certain cost on having kids. They make kids appear inconvenient and destructive. They make a design issue (with themselves) look like a behavior problem (with your kids). I’m not sure if that’s obvious, or profound, important or not, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about.

And I guess I’m not the only one. The other day I saw this tweet from an account focused on traditional architecture:

That’s part of why I dislike a lot of modern décor. It’s all so flat, so blank, so unwelcoming, so resistant to being worn down elegantly. It’s for looking at, not for using.

Readers who are parents: how have you dealt with this sort of thing, if you have? I suppose I’ll figure out how to make it work when it’s my time, but I guess I’m getting ready, and I also just find this all conceptually really interesting. Leave a comment!

Related Reading:

More on Pro-Family Urbanism

The Opposite of Home Improvement

You Wear It Out Well

Nooks and Crannies

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