Just when we thought we could put up our feet and enjoy a stress-free day of watching college basketball, another banking mess emerged.

Yesterday’s mayhem stemmed not from California but from Zurich. Shares in the Swiss banking giant Credit Suisse cratered to a record low yesterday after its largest shareholder, the Saudi National Bank, said it couldn’t provide Credit Suisse with any more financial support due to regulations. Investors already rattled by two major bank failures in the US sent bank stocks tumbling, and concerns grew that the fragile financial sector could fracture.

Credit Suisse said last night it will borrow up to $54 billion from the Swiss National Bank to shore up liquidity.

Are Credit Suisse’s problems related to SVB?

No. Credit Suisse has been in the Bad Place for years due to mismanagement and scandals. When many clients yanked their money out of the bank last year, Credit Suisse posted its biggest annual loss since the 2008 financial crisis.

And, unlike SVB, which catered to a niche client base of startups, 167-year-old Credit Suisse is a much more influential player with deep ties to financial markets all over the globe. It is considered a “systemically important financial institution” under international banking regulations.

But if you’re a bank, now’s not a time to show any weakness

Though SVB’s implosion did not lead to Credit Suisse’s current crisis, it did expose how banks everywhere are under pressure from rising interest rates. When rates were near zero, banks scooped up safe but low or even negative-yielding bonds. Now that rates are much higher, the value of those bonds has fallen, and banks are sitting on loads of unrealized losses.

In other words, SVB’s collapse woke up the mama bear, then Credit Suisse went and poked it.

Zoom out: Some finance leaders think a “slow rolling crisis” is coming for banks. BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, in his widely read annual letter, wrote that rapid rate increases have “exposed cracks in the financial system,” and he predicted “more seizures and shutdowns coming.”—NF

US demands TikTok be sold. The Biden administration has threatened to ban TikTok unless its Chinese owner ByteDance sells off the app. The company had been trying to appease the US by coming to an agreement to add new data safeguards to the app. But the government’s Committee on Foreign Investment in the US has now rejected those plans and demanded the sale. TikTok said it was “disappointed in the outcome” and weighing its options.

Exiled Chinese billionaire charged with $1b fraud. Guo Wengui was indicted yesterday for fraud and money laundering. He was reportedly one of the richest people in China before he fled potential prosecution, settled in New York, and became pals with Donald Trump’s former political strategist Steve Bannon. Prosecutors now claim Guo orchestrated a $1 billion scam that tricked his hundreds of thousands of social media followers into investing in cryptocurrencies and other businesses. One of the wildest ways he allegedly spent the money? Two $36,000 mattresses.

Abortion pills got a tense day in court. The Texas judge overseeing a lawsuit brought by anti-abortion groups seeking to revoke the FDA’s two-decade-old approval of mifepristone, part of a popular two-drug protocol for a medication abortion, heard arguments for four hours yesterday as he weighed whether to block the drug while the case proceeds. Those looking for clues in Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk’s questions noted that he seemed open to the idea that the drug hadn’t been properly vetted. The judge said he would decide whether to issue a preliminary ban “as soon as possible.”

Ryan Reynolds just proved he’s an entrepreneur first, Blake Lively’s arm candy second. T-Mobile announced yesterday it is buying Mint Mobile, the mobile carrier partially owned by the actor, for nearly $1.35 billion.

How do you go from Deadpool to owning a wireless provider? In 2019, Reynolds bought a stake in Mint Mobile, which sells budget phone plans for as little as $15 a month. He starred in a series of fun ads for the company—understanding, like any adult trying to monetize the skills they learned from the arts™, that marketing was his best way into the business world.

And marketing agreed with him: He is currently the chief creative officer of an ad tech company that’s made campaigns for projects he’s involved in, as well as companies he’s not connected to, like Peloton and Match Group.

• This isn’t the only successful sale of a Reynolds-backed business: In 2018, he became a co-owner of Aviation Gin, which he sold to Diageo in 2020 for a reported ~$610 million.

Big picture: Having acquired MetroPCS in 2013 and merged with Sprint in 2020 (the latter despite major pushback from regulators), T-Mobile is betting that Reynolds, who will stay on in a creative role, and his continued charismatic ad strategy will help the company’s now small army of budget carriers snag more customers.—MM

No one should be more worried about getting replaced in their job by OpenAI’s GPT-4 than GPT-3. It’s been just two days since OpenAI debuted the next generation of its famed AI engine, but users are already making the most of its talents.

What can GPT-4 do?

Like its predecessor, the updated system can write humanlike text and code. But it can also analyze images—and OpenAI says this version is more creative. Here’s some of what we’ve seen it do so far:

• It turned a hand-drawn sketch on a napkin into a functional website.
• One user had it generate recipes based on a photo of some groceries.
• Another said they got it to recreate code for the arcade game Pong in less than a minute.

And several companies have already “hired” the updated chatbot.

• GPT-4 will help Duolingo language learners practice their conversation skills.
• Payment giant Stripe has it advising developers on technical matters.
• Khan Academy was clearly impressed by GPT-4’s potential to get the top score on some AP exams: The education nonprofit is launching a pilot to have the chatbot tutor students and help teachers plan lessons.

Yes, but…despite the updates, GPT-4 is still prone to churning out BS in cases where a reasonable human would respond with a simple “I’m not sure.”—SK

Stat: Last year, for the first time in 31 years, the labrador retriever was not America’s most popular dog, according to the American Kennel Club. So, what breed scooted in on stubby legs with an adorable smushed-in face to take the top dog spot? The French Bulldog. About one out of every seven dogs registered with the AKC last year was a Frenchie, reflecting a rapid rise in the popularity of the breed—which, though guaranteed to pull in likes on social media, can also suffer from serious health problems.

Quote: “It’s your fault. Your contract is too big, so they can’t pay for the wi-fi.”

Playing for the New York Yankees comes with at least a seven-figure salary but apparently no free in-flight wi-fi. Per Sports Illustrated, it’s one of just two MLB teams that makes players shell out if they want to be able to play Fortnite in the sky (the other is the Cincinnati Reds). Still, the team’s jet is not entirely without perks: One former pinstripe wearer described it as “a pretty cool custom plane with poker tables and stuff.”

Read: How much a $100,000 salary is actually worth across America. (Bloomberg)

Dream on: How to lucid dream. Experts say it just takes practice.

Another early aughts trend is back: Watch the trailer for the BlackBerry movie to remember a time when typing with your thumbs was new.

Death star: NASA snapped a rare photo of a star about to go supernova.

Novel novels: 22 new books to read this spring, including one by Tom Hanks.

Cure your imposter syndrome: The Brew’s New Manager Bootcamp is a one-week online course that gives you tools and templates to confidently approach management challenges.  

These sidewalk robots rock: Serve’s delivery robots are already partnering with major brands like Uber Eats and 7-Eleven. Serve is taking on a potential $310b market by 2025. Hurry and invest in Serve before this opportunity ends.*

^{*This is sponsored advertising content.}

Brew Mini: Today’s crossword is shaped like a four-leaf clover. Try your luck here.

Three headlines and a lie

Three of these headlines are real and one is faker than a proposal on a reality show. Can you spot the odd one out?

1. Court rules Florida residents can’t sell rare, tropical fish that end up in pools after hurricanes
2. Japan is about to expel a YouTuber from its senate because he didn’t show up to work for 7 months
3. Newark accidentally enters into ‘sister city’ deal with fake city
4. This couple just got married in the Taco Bell metaverse

If you want to begin investing but don’t know how or where to start, Money With Katie’s free Investing 101 series is exactly what you need. Check it out.

You landed the best candidate for the job. Now, how do you keep them happy? Hint: It’s in the data. Join us on March 28 to learn more.

Technology is great…until it’s used against you. Fight back with insights and tactics you’ll learn at our free virtual cybersecurity event on March 23.