Ann Friedman - The phantom timeline

I'm just a middle-aged woman, standing in front of the New York Times, asking—no, begging—it to stop holding me to a 60-year-old standard of American adulthood.

In her piece about millennials in middle age, Jessica Grose does a great job explaining that the divorce-and-sportscar midlife crisis was really only a thing for a subset of wealthy white guys in the late last century. We all know that the "standard adult" timeline—college degree, marriage, kids, homeownership, multi-decade career (for men) or full-time caregiving (for women), midlife crisis, retirement—has not been the norm for decades. And yet it's still—still!—framed as something most people expected to experience.

We're stuck in a loop. Back in 2010, the Times was fretting about "young people taking longer to reach adulthood" and examining Gen X's "refusal to have a midlife crisis." Every single one of these articles is aware of the ruts, but still sliding into them. Assuming we're late to the party, rather than accepting that the party ended decades ago. We are all milling around outside, waiting for someone to tell us where to head next.

Most people I've interviewed for my book—Americans who come from many different backgrounds and have made very different choices—describe themselves, over and over again, as falling behind and failing to keep up. "Am I doing this right?" is a question in every single phase of adult life. I get it. They, like the Times, are thinking about the "standard" timeline, even as they never expected to align with it. We are all desperate for a relevant standard, a new way to mark our progress through adulthood that makes sense for the cultural and economic reality of our times.

Right now, all we can hear is the echo of our own questions. And the faint reverberations of the last century's norms. When do we stop saying the adult timeline is "changing" and simply declare it changed? The problem is not that we're failing to meet the old standard. It's that we're failing to imagine a new one. 
 

Rebecca Solnit asks, what if climate change meant not doom—but abundance?

I loved this piece about a doctor's personal quest to figure out the cause of hyperemesis in pregnancy. It's almost de-gaslighting (is that a thing?) in that it reveals what we all know: women's suffering is simply not important to the medical establishment. But it also made me feel hopeful. A real "one person can make a difference" story.

What's it like to have your childhood turned into social-media content? Fortesa Latifi on the kids of influencers.

Edward Ongweso, Jr. on the recent venture-capitalist tantrums. And Planet Money has a good explainer on the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank. 

Should you buy from a thrift store if you can afford not to? Sophie Benson on the intricacies of class, taste, and environmentalism.

Tim Fernholz with a really great piece on Buzz Aldrin (still alive!) and what it really means to have sent someone to space and brought them back. 

My whole-album kick continues with new Kali Uchis and new Fever Ray. 

The notes app is the window to the soul.

"Happy newsletter birthday @annfriedman, thank you for 10 years of dearest remote companionship" -Aline Flor.

"Grateful to be on the journey with you." -Alicia Stewart. 

I appreciated your many newsletter-anniversary wishes! Thanks for being here with me, week after week.