The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

AMAZON LOOKING FOR ITS REMY: The company has been trying to improve its image in France with a PR campaign called “Ratatouille,” Bloomberg reported. The project is inspired by McDonald’s successful effort in the late 1990s to make the French hate it less.

GLAM INVESTORS: Kim Kardashian’s private equity firm is hiring, despite the fact that it seems like nobody wants to work these days.

HELP NEUTER MOSQUITOES: Argentina is dealing with one of its worst dengue outbreaks in years. Scientists are combating the threat by using atomic radiation to sterilize and alter the DNA of male mosquitoes. If you see any glowing bugs, no you didn’t.

Personal

REVENGE BEST SERVED WET: A Korean Airbnb host was stuck with a $640 utility bill after two guests left the water and gas running during their booking. The host said he believes they did it on purpose because he didn’t let them cancel the 25-day stay after they reserved it.

TSWIFT TRADE: A pizza shop in New Orleans is offering free pizza for a year in exchange for Taylor Swift Eras Tour tickets. Is it worth it? If you take the deal and order a Bambino pizza (one of the most expensive pies on the menu) every day for an entire year, that’s $9,125 in value (without a tip). But hearing Taylor say, “Are you ready for it?” live? Priceless.

For sale

OLD ROYAL BEER: Some brew that was intended to be served at Edward VIII’s canceled coronation in 1937 will be available for purchase. The beer, which is 12% ABV, has notes of fruit and declining empire.

PERFECTLY PRINTED 4 UR PALM: Formify will 3D print a mouse that fits the shape of your hand. It costs $142 and is the ultimate tech gift for a parent because there’s no learning curve.

ROUTERS WITH TEA: A new report found that only five out of 18 secondhand routers that came from corporate owners were properly wiped of business secrets and login info. That’s why we smash everything when we’re done using it.—MM

People, meet Starship. Starship, meet people.

The towering rocket blasted into the sky on Thursday morning in its first orbital test launch. Less than four minutes later, the rocket was no more after undergoing a “rapid unscheduled disassembly,” which is how you say “it exploded” without saying it exploded. Still, SpaceX said Starship’s maiden voyage exceeded its expectations, and the company is gearing up for another test run a few months down the road.

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even stack your portfolio.

Can ChatGPT beat the market? If you’re looking for investing tips, you may want to turn off CNBC and open ChatGPT: A new study found that the AI has some chops for predicting stock movements. In the study, ChatGPT was able to accurately determine whether news headlines would be good, bad, or irrelevant to a company’s share price. Meanwhile, in a separate study, a pair of researchers at the Fed found that ChatGPT can also correctly suss out whether Fedspeak, the purposely vague statements made by central bankers, is bullish or bearish.

This ecosystem is garbage. It’s probably not great that there’s a 600,000+ square mile clump of plastic and other trash floating around the Pacific Ocean, but a study published this week shows that even in the microplastic wasteland, life finds a way. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch has become home to dozens of species of coastal creatures, scientists found. That these species can thrive and reproduce so far from shore, and, er, in a massive pile of trash, is surprising since they wouldn’t typically live in the open ocean. But it’s not necessarily a boon for marine life, as these animals could become invasive species on new coasts. For now, though, the critters are “having a blast,” study author Matthias Egger said.

Stem cells are going to space. Exploring the cosmos and investigating the benefits of stem cells may sound like unrelated branches of science, but one problem with using stem cells for medical treatments is that it’s hard to grow enough of them—in part because gravity holds them back. That’s why Cedars-Sinai researchers will send some of the cells to the International Space Station next month for astronauts to turn into pluripotent stem cells (the kind that can become almost any type of human cell) to see if microgravity helps. Stem cells have been flown up to the ISS before, but this will be the first time astronauts try to create them there.—AR

India better put on some shades or risk being blinded by the spotlight. It’s due to surpass China as the most populous country on the planet this year, according to a UN report released this week. And word on the pundit street is that it’s poised to get bigger in another way—by rivaling China and the US as a major economic superpower.

• India has already eclipsed its former colonizer, the United Kingdom, as the world’s fifth-largest economy, and it’s projected to nick Germany’s No. 4 spot by 2025, according to the Wall Street Journal.
• The International Monetary Fund (IMF) expects India’s GDP to grow by 5.9% this year, more than any of the other 30 largest economies.

India’s domination of the global economy is far from guaranteed. Let’s explore why India’s future looks bright, and some of the obstacles on its path to international economic stardom.

The India “buy” case

India has a lot going for it, including a massive labor force. There are 900 million(!) working-age people in India. And that number is increasing—unlike in most major economies, where an aging population is sapping economic growth.

At the same time, India’s government has shoveled cash into infrastructure improvements and nixed some burdensome regulations to lure foreign investment. It’s paying off: Companies looking to diversify their supply chains away from China have embraced India as an alternative manufacturing hub. Apple recently began assembling its new iPhone in the country, and Volvo signaled it might start building EVs there.

But India also has plenty of homegrown success stories.

• Over 100 unicorn startups call India home, and its $24 billion in venture capital investments last year put it in fourth place globally, ahead of Germany and Israel.
• A long list of Indian-born business talents has achieved great heights internationally, including Google CEO Sundar Pichai and Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella.

Meanwhile, its growing middle class is a gold mine for multinationals searching for the next big untapped consumer market. The first Apple Stores opened in the country this week, and in March, Dior went all out with a Bollywood-star-studded fashion show in Mumbai.

What’s holding India back?

Simply having a lot of people doesn’t mean that the workforce will be vibrant: India’s education system struggles to prepare job candidates for successful careers and strains the country’s social fabric. According to NPR, the unemployment rate in India for college grads is 20%.

A big rift between the rich and poor, still-deficient infrastructure, corruption, and waste management woes could give companies second thoughts about doing business in India.

Tough tariffs and messy politics might also act like a foreign investment repellant. Critics are sounding the alarm about the authoritarian tendencies of Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s government and warn that his heavy-handed tactics in dealing with political opponents are a red flag for businesses.

Nobel Prize-winning economist Abhijit Banerjee thinks India should look inward before it projects its economic ambitions abroad. He says tackling runaway inflation and focusing on societal health will go a long way in wooing international investors.

Zoom out: The UN says that India’s population could start declining in 2047. Its current window to become a world economic power is wide open, but won’t be for long.—SK

Meal prep: The best meals are easy, cheap, and low-key healthy. This bean-and-veggie burrito recipe is all three.

Book rec: Maggie Smith, author of the viral “Good Bones” poem, just came out with a memoir, and it’s topping the New York Times bestseller list.

What to watch: Drops of God, Apple TV’s newest drama, centers on a protégé and an heir feuding over ownership of a $150 million wine collection. It’s luxurious and thrilling, with major Succession vibes.

Band rec: If Nathaniel Rateliff and The Dirty Guv’nahs match your vibe, check out The Heavy Hours, who released their second studio album earlier this year. “Wildfire” will have you swaying while watching the sunset.

Life hack: This flight calculator will find a trip you can afford to buy using your tax refund.

Tech tip: When’s the last time you washed your Apple Watch? Probably not recently enough. Get in there with this how-to from Wirecutter.

Leadership lesson: Kick off your week with our free virtual convo on leadership with Davis Smith, founder and CEO of Cotopaxi. Register now and join us tomorrow at noon ET.

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It’s a big universe out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

Did you watch Starship blast off and think, “I’d love to do that, but maybe with less rapid unscheduled disassembly and more Chenin blanc”?

Well, there might be a voyage just for you. The French startup Zephalto announced that by 2025, it will send travelers to the stratosphere in luxury space balloons. A single ticket costs $132,000, so you might want to start stashing your cash in Apple’s savings account yesterday.

Did we mention that Zephalto was French? If not, then the details of the trip will leave no doubt:

• Passengers will be served a meal of fine French cuisine paired with high-end wines.
• The interior of the posh balloon has been decorated by the French designer behind the Balmain and Givenchy stores in Paris.

The trip will last six hours and hoist passengers 98% of the way up Earth’s atmosphere—high enough to see the curvature of our planet and spy on US military installations, but not high enough to experience zero gravity.

Zephalto is just one of several space balloon tourism operations set to take flight. American company Space Perspectives plans to launch its Neptune One luxury balloon next year.—NF

Last week we asked: What ancient internet community should be resurrected to share news?

Some of our favorite responses:

• “MySpace of course…Tom is waiting.”—Huron from NJ
• “Not sure if it counts as ancient, but I would love to see the embodiment of Vine read the news…‘Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?’”—Kyra from Chicago, IL
• “Anything other than Toontown is the wrong answer. Or Wizard101—I swear, as a kid, I collectively watched more commercials for that than any actual TV content.”—Ania from Washington, DC
• “The American Girl website, but how it looked in 2005.”—Ceci from Canada
• “I think PictoChat for the Nintendo DS is a perfect medium for these news organizations to pivot to.”—Aaron from Phoenix, AZ
• “Bring back the old telephone party line. Nothing like sharing your phone line with 8–10 families to get information out to the community! The party line is only one generation removed, so there will be someone to help navigate this revived form of communication.”—JL from Burton, GA
• “This is the moment Club Penguin fans have been waiting for.”—Mat

This week’s question

What not-necessarily-expensive item/service/etc. represents luxury to you?

Here’s Matty’s response to get the juices flowing: “To me, you are a one-percenter if you have refillable, unlabeled soap dispensers in your bathrooms. Yes, I realize you can get them at HomeGoods for $7.”

Share your response here.

IT pros know that having a solid cloud strategy is integral to their business. But what’s the right approach for your team? IT Brew lays out the options.

This February, venture capital firms hit their lowest funding total since 2020. Get the scoop on why VCs are spending less, and what it means for startup funding this year.

A premier marketing event in the heart of New York City: If you haven’t heard, we’ve assembled an all-star roster of marketing execs who will speak at The Brief on May 11. Get your ticket here.