How to engage with someone you disagree with

+ Latin hip-hop mixes pain and faith with demands for change ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

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I know I’m guilty of jumping straight to “persuasion mode” when I realize I’m in a discussion that’s actually a disagreement. Public policy scholar Julia Minson, from the Harvard Kennedy School, points out that it’s a natural reaction to “put forth the strongest argument for your own – clearly superior – perspective in the hope that logic and evidence will win the day.” To no one’s surprise, this is rarely effective. Partisan divide, anyone?

But with her colleagues, Minson has figured out how to engage in more productive ways to communicate than just hammering away at your point. Using computational linguistic analysis, they identified a communication style that makes people feel their counterpart is thoughtfully engaging with their own perspective. People feel heard when they're talking to someone who demonstrates what these researchers call “conversational receptiveness.” And it’s not a hard technique to learn to use yourself.

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Maggie Villiger

Senior Science + Technology Editor

Showing you’re listening is a critical part of fraught discussions. Thomas Barwick/DigitalVision via Getty Images

To have better disagreements, change your words – here are 4 ways to make your counterpart feel heard and keep the conversation going

Julia Minson, Harvard Kennedy School

Researchers have identified ways to have more productive conversations – even when you’re talking to someone who holds an opposite view.

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Ethics + Religion

  • Street scrolls: The beats, rhymes and spirituality of Latin hip-hop

    Alejandro Nava, University of Arizona

    Latino artists have been forging their own paths in hip-hop for decades, giving voice to young peoples’ pain, faith and demands for change.

  • What is Theravada Buddhism?

    Brooke Schedneck, Rhodes College

    Theravada Buddhism is the dominant religious system in several parts of South and Southeast Asia, but there is a rich diversity of beliefs and practices in this tradition.

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