The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

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HIGHWAY COWBOY: A rascally steer escaped his enclosure and wandered onto I–75 near Detroit. Luckily, an experienced cowcatcher named Ricky Littlejohn was around to hop on his horse, lasso the steer in the middle of interstate traffic, and bring him home. Talk about a road trip.

LUXURY WATCH APPRAISER: In 2021, an original Omega Speedmaster watch from 1957 sold for a record $3.4 million at auction. But it’s been revealed to be a fake: Omega claims that three former employees Frankensteined the watch using parts from other vintage timepieces.

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ISO NEW SEAWEED HOOKUP: Get ready for nori seaweed prices to skyrocket because the ocean crop had its worst harvest in 51 years. Annual demand for the product in Japan is near 7.5 billion sheets, but 2022’s harvest (which ended in May) only brought in about 4.8 billion sheets.

FOUND—3 CRANIA: A delivery driver for the Anatomical Gift Association (AGA) of Illinois claims that after he complained about corpse storage protocol, he arrived at work to find three severed heads in plastic containers in his office. The AGA denied it was retaliation, saying a desk full of skulls is just part of the job.

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ULTIMATE BUG SPRAY: Scientists in Israel invented a “chemical camouflage” they say will stop 99% of mosquitos from biting you.

BLACK-MARKET SIRENS: While a Wisconsin man was awaiting trial for stealing a police car, he passed the time by…stealing another police car. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, lock the cruiser doors.—MM

This billboard in New York City promoting the release of the Diablo IV video game was maybe a little too spot-on, when smoke from Canadian wildfires turned Northeastern cities into hellscapes.

Lulu Cheng Meservey, an exec at Diablo-maker Activision Blizzard, denied that the wildfire smoke was an elaborate marketing stunt. “I would like to clarify that Blizzard has no affiliation or partnership with the wildfires in Canada. In fact we are firmly against wildfires and condemn them in the strongest terms,” she tweeted.

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even eat a meal prepared by a robot.

Robots learned how to make salads through observation. Get the Kardashians in here because a robot just made some salads. Researchers from the University of Cambridge programmed what looks like a bionic arm with eight simple salad recipes that it was able to identify and recreate by watching video footage of a human chef making them. The robot also picked up on a new recipe just from observation and noticed double portions and human errors, too, according to the researchers. This development shows how video could make automated food production easier and cheaper.

Uncovered burials set the record for most ancient funeral. New excavations of South African caves revealed that extinct apelike human relatives were burying their dead at least 100,000 years before Homo sapiens held what were previously thought to be the first funerals. The research team that discovered the symbol-engraved burial sites of Homo naledi—a smaller-brained precursor to Homo sapiens—say this could change our understanding of human evolution. Scientists previously thought funerals were exclusively a big-brain behavior.

A female croc “virgin” birthed a baby. Ladies, we’re getting closer: Scientists just confirmed that a female crocodile in Costa Rica gave birth to a 99.9% genetically identical offspring after being in captivity without males for about 16 years. Self-reproduction or “virgin births”—scientifically known as facultative parthenogenesis—have been observed in some birds, fish, and other reptiles, but this is a first for crocs. The fully formed fetus, laid in an egg in 2018, was unfortunately stillborn, but this is still a big discovery that suggests some dinosaur ancestors might also have been able to self-reproduce.—ML

The Gulf State became the Golf State this week as the Saudi-backed LIV Golf league merged with the PGA Tour. Pro golf will now be synonymous with a new joint venture bankrolled by the Saudi government’s massive piggy bank, the $650 billion Public Investment Fund (PIF).

But what amounts to a purchase of an entire sport is not a one-off impulse buy: The oil-rich kingdom is splurging to style itself as the ultimate hub for elite sports, world-class art, and luxury leisure.

All these investments are part of Vision 2030, an effort by the country’s de facto leader, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (aka “MBS”), to diversify its fossil fuel-dependent economy. And a major prong of the plan is convincing the world that Saudi is no longer an ultraconservative theocracy.

Where’s all the cash going?

Most notably, Saudi is going all-out to achieve sports superpower status.

• Cristiano Ronaldo is already scoring for Al Nassr FC in Riyadh, while legendary French striker Karim Benzema recently announced he’d also join the Saudi Pro League.
• Beginning in 2021, Formula 1 stars started competing annually at a state-of-the-art racetrack in Jeddah for the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix.

And it wants more: The kingdom is reportedly eyeing investments in boxing and cricket. Meanwhile, some speculate it could come for the NBA (which recently allowed sovereign fund investments) or even the NFL (which currently forbids foreign ownership).

It’s not neglecting the arts either: Saudi is hosting an Andy Warhol exhibition in the desert this year, and plans to build a contemporary art museum in partnership with the world-renowned Paris-based Centre Pompidou.

Both cinemas and music festivals were banned there until 2017, but last year it hosted the star-studded Red Sea International Film Festival featuring some LGBTQ programming (while it still outlaws homosexuality). The same month, Post Malone and Bruno Mars performed in front of raving crowds at the Soundstorm music festival.

But it remains to be seen if the image rehab will work

Experts say that the glamour of its cultural calendar is meant to distract from the fact that Saudi Arabia is an absolute monarchy with abysmal women’s rights, virtually non-existent religious freedom, and troublesome labor practices that one human rights advocate described as “modern-day slavery.”

The entertainment glow up is intended to appease critics at home and abroad. Geopolitical risk consultant Sami Hamdi told Morning Brew he sees it as a way to buy the loyalty of the nation’s youth. He describes it as a social contract between MBS and Saudis, which Hamdi calls “a simple one: ‘I will let you party… I’ll let you wear a bikini on a beach. But in exchange, you will not ask me for civil rights.’”

Foreigners might still be wary

For companies doing business in Saudi Arabia, Hamdi warns that besides the obvious reputational risk, there are also issues with transparency and the rule of law. He says that for companies starting projects there, “the position of their [local business] partner within the political structure of Saudi Arabia” means more than official regulations.

And even all those billions might not convince elites Saudi Arabia is truly the place to be. It’s rumored that Lionel Messi’s wife’s reluctance to move to a country that only recently allowed women to drive was a factor in his decision to reject an eye-popping offer from a Saudi team.

Looking ahead…despite the kingdom’s apparently bottomless pockets, it might eventually run out of cash for shiny-toy projects. Yale School of Management professor Jeffrey Sonnenfeld pointed out that the price of oil (its main export) has declined and that some of MBS’s other big investments haven’t panned out.—SK

Meal prep: Whip up this blueberry-pecan galette (a foolproof pie) for summer dinner parties.

Book rec: TV writer, comedian, and relatable queen Samantha Irby has a new essay collection, Quietly Hostile. Read if you, too, covet fancy soap and have an affinity for Midwestern lore.

Feeling nostalgic: The cast of Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide reunites in this new podcast.

Music rec: Ireland’s national treasure Niall Horan released his new album on Friday, and it’s full of bangers (no mash, though).

Art rec: Artist Anna Fusco, aka Lordcowboy, is the antidote to an increasing number of GRWM TikTokers. Her work is slow, heartwarming, and often out of stock—waste no time securing a print.

No hands: With Lionel Messi moving to the MLS, soccer could become even more popular in the US. The Grace on Football newsletter gives you quick hits so you can KUWTK (Keep Up With The Kickers).

Treasury trove: Think beyond the traditional savings account. With Treasury bill yields at a 20-year high, Public can help you lock in a 5%+ yield in less than 30 seconds. Buy Treasuries.*

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It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

A shuttered Colorado restaurant featured in a 2003 episode of South Park is getting a revival thanks to…the creators of South Park.

Casa Bonita was a beloved Mexican restaurant in the Denver area that went bankrupt during the pandemic. But Colorado natives Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the duo behind South Park, knew this place was too special to gather cobwebs. So, in 2021, they paid $3.1 million to buy Casa Bonita, and then spent up to $40 million (!) renovating it ahead of its reopening, which is set to happen in the next few weeks, the NYT reported.

What made Casa Bonita so iconic? It certainly wasn’t the food, which diners often complained about (there were no ovens or ranges in the antiquated kitchen, so every dish was steamed, Stone told the NYT).

But the entertainment value more than made up for the rubbery pollo. Casa Bonita was a kid’s version of Las Vegas: It had a maze patrolled by skeletons, puppet shows, and divers plunging into a pool every 20 minutes. South Park captured the chaos in an episode from its seventh season centered around Casa Bonita.

In their renovation of the restaurant, Parker and Stone tried to keep as much of the original kitsch intact while upping the food quality. They’ve hired a six-time James Beard Award-nominated chef, Dana Rodriguez, to run a 110-person kitchen and reimagine the menu.

Who knows whether the South Park guys will ever recoup their $40 million, but the hype for Casa Bonita 2.0 is off the charts: More than 100,000 people have signed up on its website for a reservation. You can get in line here.—NF

Last week we asked: What is the most niche theme for a party you’ve been to or thrown? Here are our favorite responses.

• “I’m currently planning a soup party with a ‘New York Stock Exchange’ theme where everyone must dress like a stockbroker and bring their best soup stocks (chicken, beef, veggie, etc.) to trade.”—Justin from Brooklyn, NY
• “My older sister hosted a funeral for her car that had been destroyed by rats. Everyone dressed for a funeral and brought their favorite road trip snacks as they mourned ‘Frank the Sonata.’ She printed out pictures of famous rats (like Remy from Ratatouille) and X’ed out their eyes in solidarity with the car.”—Emme from San Antonio, TX
• “My aunt and I share a birthday, and we just happened to turn 64 and 27 the same year. That year we had a cube-themed party with foods served in cube shapes.”—James from Washington, DC
• “A group of my college friends hosted an organ donor-themed party. There were no costumes, decorations, or anything special, but a person at the door checked IDs to see if you were an organ donor. If you were, you got a $5 keg cup and walked in. If you weren’t, you were questioned about why you didn’t sign up to be an organ donor when you got your driver’s license, had to pay double, and also had to swear you would sign up to be an organ donor.”—Anonymous

This week’s question

On Monday, Apple introduced its $3,500 VR headset that lets you check your email while pretending to hang out with your family. What’s the best use case you can think of for yet another pair of expensive goggles?

Matty’s answer to get the juices flowing: “I’m wearing these bad boys to any future high school production of Rent or Anything Goes that I have to attend so I can just watch King of the Hill reruns when I get bored.”

Share your response here.

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