Ann Friedman - Is this me?

A writer named Aaliyah, who is early-ish in her writing life, recently emailed to ask me, How do I know when I come across my voice and how do I inhabit it? I guess I am looking to really identify my own metrics for success in the things that I do, and it all seems shaky. 

I responded to her in a writer-to-writer kind of way, but her question echoes a common uncertainty that comes up in interviews for my adulthood book (I have done about 80 so far!). Especially at big decision points or in moments of turmoil, we're always wondering: Is this me? Am I being true to myself?

Anyway, here's what I told Aaliyah. I think it applies to adulthood as well as writing:

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think writers have a singular voice that they land on and then stick with for all of eternity. My own writerly voice changes depending on who I'm writing for, or in what format. My newsletter, a magazine assignment, Big Friendship—they all have different voices. I think of them like different outfits I put on. I am the same person underneath, and I have my tastes and signature style, but the tone and the sensibility can shift quite a lot, depending on the outlet and the day. I think the best way to figure out the boundaries of your voice is to try different things. To put on different outfits, if you will. To see what feels like a consistent throughline, and what feels temporary. 

I don't think the question is which of these voices is the best. The question is, which do you enjoy the most? Or, which feels most freeing and expansive? Or, which really captures your essence? It's ok if you don't have answers to these questions yet. The point is to ask them, to try new things, to challenge yourself and then step back to notice how you feel about the resulting words. 

The most important thing is to keep writing. Sometimes I read a book and I can just tell it's one that the writer has worked over and over and over. The sureness of voice that you seek, I think, is just the whiff of experience that comes from someone who has put millions of words on the page over the course of their writing life. 

I guess I'm trying to say that the feeling of success seems shaky because it is, but if you keep writing, the words add up to something. You will find a voice you love to inhabit, and then rightfully enjoy that as a success ... until you decide to challenge yourself by inhabiting a different voice. Again and again, for many years if you're lucky. The striving is how you stay true to yourself.
 

We are truly all on different internets, reading different information: Reporter Marianna Spring proves it with five different phones, each calibrated to a different "voter profile" and therefore its own algorithms. Sophie Culpepper interviewed her about it. And on a related note: Naomi Klein on what her unhealthy obsession with her doppelgänger taught her about misinformation.

"My dietary quirks have more in common with those struggling with menopause, pregnancy or being a teenager than those who happen to be male ... So, if scraps of biscuits and cheese constituted ‘girl dinner’ for TikTok, what was ‘boy dinner’ then?" Alex Loveless on sex, HRT, and meat.

What happens when bodily autonomy varies greatly, state by state? Jamelle Bouie compares antebellum efforts to limit the movement of free or enslaved Black people with modern legislation on abortion. And on the ground level, Andrea González-Ramírez tells a tale of two abortion clinics.

"Nobody normally thinks about dust, what it might be doing or where it should go: it is so tiny, so totally, absolutely, mundane, that it slips beneath the limits of vision," writes Jay Owens. "But if we pay attention, we can see the world within it."

Writing fellow Vera Blossom is visiting the West Coast, where she's snacking in parking lots and in a polycule with the ocean.

A few playlists: Mukta Mohan's ethereal music for cocooning, and Numero Group's compilation of spoon-fed serotonin.

I interviewed the Chaka Khan for the new issue of The Gentlewoman! I'll let you know when the full profile is online, but consider preordering a print copy in the meantime. Just gorgeous.

"The newsletter popping into my inbox is an immediate sign to get a cup of tea, sit in the sun streaming through my cedar tree, and savor every moment of your lovely compilation." -Katie. I never tire of hearing about your newsletter-reading rituals.