Creative Wellness Letters - rude things my brain told me, v.2 🤬

Hi Reader, 

🧠:

“Getting your album funded isn’t going to work out.”

“…and it’s because you did a bad job at planning.”

“Nobody cares about your project.”

“X definitely hates you, because they didn’t support the project.”

“Everyone thinks you’re annoying for talking about your Kickstarter all of the time, and they resent you for asking for support.”

“Should you even be asking for money for something creative (AKA frivolous) when there are so many horrible things going on in the world right now?”

“Do you even deserve to get paid for your work?”

“Artists just can’t expect to be that financially successful." (This is a whole other topic to unpack later!)

“Why didn’t you just fund this thing yourself instead? Other people can do that.”

“This isn’t getting funded fast enough, so everyone assumes you’re going to fail.”

“You’re going to fail publicly, be ashamed, AND not be able to fund your project.”

OUCH, right?! 

It is WILD what our brains can come up with to protect us when they’re feeling threatened! 

It can be hard to handle, even when you’re fully aware of the reasons why.

Thanks for your patience with my getting this letter out - when I was trying to finish it last Monday, I was still over $1000 away from my Kickstarter goal with a little over 24 hours to go, and it was a little too tender to write this in a fully open-hearted way, when I didn’t yet know the outcome.

Thankfully, it all worked out! I met my goal with 30 minutes to spare - it was a real nail-biter. 😬😬

In July I shared Part 1 of “Rude Things My Brain Told Me”, of everything my brain said while I was compiling the track listing for the album.

Getting the project funded, showing samples, and trusting that I’d be supported by my community feels much more vulnerable, so I knew to expect some choice comments from my inner critics.

As I wrote then,

"When you find yourself in a vulnerable, self-critical moment while assessing your work, old or new, the first thing to remember is that your thoughts are not facts, and you don’t have to accept them without question.

My favorite disarming rebuttal is:

“Wow, brain, you are trying really hard to keep me safe right now!”, with at least a smile and shake of the head vibe.

Hopefully I can also respond with gratitude, if I can access it, like, “Thanks for trying your best to ensure my safety, but this isn’t super helpful right now.”

You can also acknowledge your brain’s worries by writing them all down as they come up, and then saving the useful comments for later, or throwing it all away, whatever feels right!

I’ve worked for a long time to think like that, including lots of therapy, and reacting with less fear is not always what happens. In case that thought isn’t accessible to you, reminder that you get to practice it!"

It is so hard waiting for an outcome that you can’t really control, even if you can influence it, with a strategy, data, and other tangible things.

As much as I really wanted to avoid those uncomfortable feelings, I know that there is no magic answer except sitting with them and/or not fully taking them to heart. Like Elizabeth Gilbert says in her amazing book Big Magic, the fear gets to have a voice but not a vote, and it is “absolutely forbidden to drive.”

Things that helped (AKA how to crowdfund without losing your mind)

• Remembering that I have done a successful Kickstarter before, so I can do it again.
• Asking for empathetic words from friends in creative roles - despite having a lot of good tools, I wanted to hear from someone else that it was going to be okay, even if I didn’t really believe them (yet). 😂 
• Remembering that my moods always go in cycles, and gearing up to ride the waves. Despair at one moment will surely not last, it will give way to more positive feelings eventually (and probably soon!)
• Taking actions, like posting on social media or sending personal notes to friends about the project, for a set period of time, and then stepping away from my devices. (Going for a 6-mile walk to the Berkeley Marina on Sunday was an A+ move, and so was stress-crying intermittently as needed.)
• Knowing that the weird cognitive dissonance of feeling anxious on the inside while needing to project a mood of optimism outwardly would be temporary.
• Increasing the time intervals in which I allowed myself to refresh the Kickstarter page, especially when feeling more emotionally tender about it.
• Focusing on gratitude - I saved all of the posts that friends shared about my project, so I had those kind words to look at when I needed them, and wrote thank you notes to supporters when I needed a positive action to focus on.
• Taking the support to heart - every kind word, social media share, and dollar is because people believe in me and my work, and creating a project with the support of my community is magical, and possible!

Next time you find yourself in a tender moment while sharing, funding, or trying to prove the value of your work to supporters, I hope this is helpful - wishing you fortitude in getting through it!

What are your favorite reframes when your brain is being unkind? I'd love to hear about them!

I'm always rooting for you, and my inbox is always open, so please feel free to reach out if I can help in any way - I love hearing from you!

Have a lovely week! ⁠

Rebecca

• The Interstitium - This Radiolab episode fully blew my mind. Apparently this body part was unknown to Western scientists until 5 years ago, and has huge implications for cancer treatment and explaining why acupuncture works - SO fascinating! (This companion piece, "an invitation to think differently about our relationship with the world at large" is also very cool.)
• Not Everything Has to Be Meaningful (NYT gift link) - I'm all for finding meaning wherever we can, but it's also nice to release some of that pressure of constant intentionality.
• Instituto Piano Brasileiro YouTube - I somehow just discovered this channel (a total gold mine), and was extra delighted by all of these short videos that add existing piano tune soundtracks to video games - so clever and fun!

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