The Cut - I Was Told No One Wants Fat Girls

The first time I recall a boy commenting on my body was when I was in the fifth grade. I must have been ten. “Fat little Kate-lyn,” Jack said, apropos of nothing, during a PE class. Everyone else giggled as I felt frozen in place with shame. It is unlikely to surprise you — and in most ways, it hardly matters — that at the time I was a pretty average weight, barely even chubby. And yet with that comment, my gaze — previously trained outward on the ball, or my classmates, or (most likely) the horizon — turned sharply on myself. I saw myself through the lens of Jack’s contempt, even disgust, in that moment. And I felt myself monstrous in size and diminished in social stature. (Note that apparently paradoxical word “little,” and the use of the diminutive — “Kate” is my full first name.)

I was a figure of fun. As I grew older and bigger, that would become a routine occurrence.

Dive into all our stories on style, self, culture, and power. Subscribe now to save over 60% on unlimited access to the Cut and everything New York.

If you were expecting more from the Jeffrey Epstein “client list reveal,” you’re not alone. Did you know there are more than 157 levels in Tetris? New York could become the first state to offer paid leave during pregnancy (as opposed to after the child’s born). And pretty hurts.

Sign up to get Brooding, a biweekly newsletter interrogating modern family life, written by Kathryn Jezer-Morton.