RadReads​ - What’s your attachment strategy?

Our parents had three years to get it right.

That’s how long it took us as kids to establish our attachment strategies - our key relationships with our caregivers.

And these strategies — fear, avoidance, anxiety and even security — not only impact our relationships as adults, but how we parent our children.

This week on The Examined Life Podcast, we’re joined by meditation teacher and contemplative coach Jess Morey.

We ask the question:

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🎧 Or listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app.

My top 3 takeaways

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The key qualities for healthy attachment
​Do you show up in a consistent, reliable and present way? It’s simple, but definitely not easy. But if you can get these right 30% of the time, that’s good enough.

→ Watch the clip
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Five behavioral factors in relationships
​Jess distilled secure parenting into 5 behaviors:

• Protection
• Attunement
• Reassurance
• Encouragement to explore
• Expression of delight

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That last one gave me goosebumps.

→ Watch the clip​
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Ideal parent meditation

No parent is perfect. But practicing an ideal parent meditation allows us to imagine our ideal parent (or spouse or coworker). It soothes the pain by showing us what we’re missing — while helping us show up better in our relationships.

→ Watch the clip​

My favorite quote: Fullness comes from embracing our grief

Why this episode matters to me

I’m looking for a therapist or coach that can help me with a simple question:

As a kid, I would get messages such as “Don’t cry” so this emotional armor protected me.

Instead of feeling, I would turn inward and shut down. And ofc, I used to drink a lot.

More recently, grief has challenged me to strip away at that armor.

Grief has helped me learn how to feel.

And I want to go deeper.

If you want to dig deeper

The Attachment Project’s quiz will help you identify your attachment style, and Mettagroup helps students develop the skills for secure attachment through meditation

​Attachment Disturbances in Adults is a 750-page tome for understanding attachment.

Love letters from our fans

"Solid work, and solid ideas for us to consider."

Hope you enjoy the episode,

Khe

PS Did you read last week’s Post-Achievement Professional manifesto?​

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