I still clearly remember election night in 2020, in part because I wrote a book about that year. Early on, it became clear the race was going to be close. And then my stomach started hurting. And then I remembered my ironic relationship with presidential elections: each one takes four years off my life. And then, after what felt like a few hundred hours of watching election results trickle in, I curled up on the floor of my man cave and moan-cried for about thirty minutes. It was a combination of things. Part of it was personal: I spent so much time thinking, writing, tweeting, and distracting myself with this all-encompassing political story that I may have been momentarily overwhelmed. Maybe I was also considering how much dough I spent, entering my credit card details to support various races around the country—I don’t want to overstate how invested I was in these campaigns, but on election night when I heard an engine roar in front of my house, I was sure ActBlue had come to repossess my car. The bigger part was less personal: Trump had been the same guy the whole time he’d been president. And knowing this, tens of millions of Americans still voted for him.

Now here we are, four years and 91 indictments later, and we're right back in the same place with the same two candidates. The GOP is fully lining up behind their nominee, including Mitch McConnell who hasn't spoken to his latest endorsee for three years and described him as "practically and morally responsible" for January 6. Nikki Haley dropped out of the GOP race without endorsing Trump. But she didn't exactly unendorse him either: "It is now up to Donald Trump to earn the votes of those in our party and beyond it who did not support him. And I hope he does that." That would require erasing the memory of Jan 6, the countless betrayals of America, the nonstop lies, the sexual assaults, and relentless efforts to overturn an election. But don't worry, he has plenty of help doing just that. Meanwhile, North Carolina's GOP voters nominated Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson to be their Gubernatorial candidate, despite his history of (among many other things) antisemitism, calling gay people "filth" and defending Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby. It's all enough to make one curl up on the floor and moan-cry, and I invite you to do just that. But only for second. Then get up, brush yourself (and your credit card) off, and, whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, become a one-issue voter: that issue is democracy. Yes, this is a campaign between two elderly candidates, but the only age that matters in this election is 237 years. That’s how long our Constitution has been around. The goal in November is to make sure we get to 238.

2

Novel Approach

"Toward the end of his life, when his memory was in pieces, Gabriel García Márquez struggled to finish a novel about the secret sex life of a married middle-age woman. He attempted at least five versions and tinkered with the text for years, slashing sentences, scribbling in the margins, changing adjectives, dictating notes to his assistant. Eventually, he gave up, and issued a final, devastating judgment. 'He told me directly that the novel had to be destroyed,' said Gonzalo García Barcha, the author’s younger son." And yet, in a not uncommon twist, that very book is about to be published. NYT (Gift Article): Gabriel García Márquez Wanted to Destroy His Last Novel. It’s About to Be Published. (I have several novels that I've advised my kids to attempt to get published after my demise. They should learn to deal with rejection.)

3

When You Swish Upon a Star

"It averaged 3.39 million viewers, which was the largest audience for a women's regular-season game in 25 years, according to Sports Media Watch. And at its peak, 4.42 million viewers watched through the end of the game." Caitlin Clark is revolutionizing women's sports viewership. That's true on TV. And it's even more true in person. NYT(Gift Article): When Caitlin Clark Comes to Town. " Debbie Antonelli, an ESPN and CBS analyst who has been covering the sport for more than three decades, says that in women’s college basketball history, there’s no real comparison. 'We have never seen anyone like this, that has this draw to the box office,' she said. 'It’s remarkable.'"

4

As the Crow Spies

"The birds were not very appreciative, however. Many of them remembered when Jiguet had caged, manhandled, and banded them. Some had never flown into his trap, but still learned from their peers and joined in the cawing. Crows even recognized him when he showed up for work in a surgical mask, after months of working from home during the pandemic. Jiguet, a lifelong bird-watcher, was learning how it feels when birds watch back." Ben Crair with an illuminating article on crows and humans in The New Yorker: The Magic of Bird Brains. "Crows are smart enough to pick up trash. Why won’t they?" (I've asked the same thing about my kids.)

5

Extra, Extra

Junk Shrunk: "The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau estimates the new regulation, first proposed in February 2023, will save families more than $10 billion a year." Credit card late fees capped at $8 as part of Biden crackdown on junk fees.

+ Pacific Rimshot: In the California senate race, Adam Schiff will face off against Steve Garvey. And that's exactly how he planned it. Meanwhile, Biden lost one territory on his way to becoming the top Dem nominee. For some weird reason, American Samoa chose a guy named Jason Palmer who no one had ever heard of and who has never been to American Samoa.

+ An AI For Effort: "Teachers use it to run students' essays through ChatGPT, then evaluate the AI-generated feedback and return it to the students." We've read a ton about about students using ChatGPT. But teachers use it too. Teachers are embracing ChatGPT-powered grading. In end, there will just be AI programs grading the output from other AI programs.

+ Subway Stationed: "New York Gov. Kathy Hochul announced plans Wednesday to send the National Guard to the New York City subway system to help police search passengers’ bags for weapons, following a series of high-profile crimes on city trains."

+ Seat Filler: Who gets an Oscar invitation? Why even A-listers have to battle for the exclusive ticket. (There's still time to invite me. I've literally been training to be a seat filler my entire adult life, including right now.)

+ Not Dun Dun Da Dun Yet: Variety on a true legend in Hollywood: John Williams Faces His Legacy: 54 Oscar Noms, ‘Star Wars’ Mistakes and Changing the Movies Forever. "Harrison Ford can’t escape the two-and-a-half-minute fanfare that John Williams composed for his most famous cinematic hero, Indiana Jones. 'As I often remind John, his music follows me everywhere I go — literally,' Ford says. 'When I had my last colonoscopy, they were playing it on the operating room speakers.'" (That's not so bad. I was once forced to listen to Sexual Healing during a barium enema x-ray.)

6

Bottom of the News

"The fans reportedly drove a truck to pop star Karina's agency after finding out she was dating actor Lee Jae-wook. 'Is the love given to you by your fans not enough?' an electronic billboard on the vehicle demanded." K-pop star Karina apologizes after relationship goes public.

+ "According to the news magazine Spiegel, the man’s vaccine spree had sparked a criminal investigation against him for suspected fraud, after suspicions he had run a scam to sell the vaccine certificates to people who did not want to get the jab." ‘Hypervaccinated’ man reportedly received 217 Covid jabs without side effects.

This would be a good time for a new t-shirt or hoodie that proudly declares your party affiliation.