black aphrodite entertains a mortal lover

^{for renee}

if you can remember nothing else
know I am happy in this ugly little house
I have a mustache          chapped lips
eat naked in front of dirty windows
I never worry about who may pass by
to witness the blessing of my flesh all
purple and growing    I am fat with love
freedom has made me bigger               I don’t
long to be adored        truth be told my wife
won’t worship me       my altars abandoned
my children half wild screaming demigods
my sisters refuse to know me    grimace thin-lipped smiles
as I pass by                  but I’m not sorry
you wouldn’t be either
listen                  I play marvin gaye the few days I clean
aretha when I rush my wife to bed
and in those few hours before Apollo rushes his chariot
dragging a belligerent sun to the sky
she holds all of me      vast and ordinary
no spells or runes to bind her            we grow our own religion
I am bored of these stories       that drag out my breathless allure
the way men whip themselves
into foolish frenzy for the pleasure of consuming a goddess
as if it were not a shopworn tired thing            what good is your desire
             I want to be known for nothing but me             a fat black happy
woman who gave no fucks    tell that history

Copyright © 2024 by Saida Agostini. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on March 18, 2024, by the Academy of American Poets. 

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“Who would I be if I knew nothing but love? This poem is one response to this question. In a time when Black women and femmes across the globe are so constantly reviled, ignored, or objectified, imagining a world that actively loves me as I am felt revelatory. It came in response to James Baldwin’s edict that we must always turn away from despair. This poem finds a fat Black woman reveling in her love and pleasure, turning from any gaze but her own. It is a prayer of sorts, a reminder to keep turning toward hope, a remembrance of the worlds we make for each other.”
—Saida Agostini