‘How Do I Find Child Care Without Losing My Mind?’

Dear Emily,

Ever since my first child needed a day-care spot, I’ve found the process of securing child care to be extremely stressful. Spots are limited in my city and every time my kids need a new care set-up — preschool, before- and after-school care, spring break and summer camps, etc. — it throws our household into a drama spiral as we navigate applications and registration portals and waitlists. There’s (mostly in my head) tension with other families competing for spots, as well as tension in my marriage around division of labor and whose life gets taken over by the process (usually mine).

Recently, we received news that the program we’re in now won’t be running after this school year, so we’re back trying to find spots for two kids in the existing programs that won’t even waitlist us, or even really tell us how to apply. So my goal over the next few months is to find someone at those programs who will talk to me, and also be back on the child-care Facebook group (which I hate), and I’m also talking to a woman on our street who might provide after-school care. Will see what happens. I know something will work out, but it will be a lot of effort and stress before it does. How can I mitigate that stress and make this process work more smoothly for my family in the future?

Dive into all our stories on style, self, culture, and power. Subscribe now to save over 40% on unlimited access to the Cut and everything New York.

Sign up to get Brooding, a subscriber-only newsletter interrogating modern family life, written by Kathryn Jezer-Morton.