I Started Using a Bidet in Quarantine, and My Butt Is Never Going Back

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- The Editors at Men's Health

The TUSHY Classic Bidet Cleans My Undercarriage—and My Conscience

There's a singular form of enlightenment a man experiences the first time his butthole is blasted by an icy-cold jet of water. It's a baptism of sorts, allowing him to transcend the naiveté of his past and set off on a new path toward self-discovery. If cleanliness is, indeed, next to godliness, then I'd like to believe our Lord and Savior uses a bidet.

When I told my wife that I planned to install the TUSHY Classic bidet attachment in our bathroom, she looked at me first with bemusement, which quickly gave way to grave concern. This was toward the beginning of self-quarantine and her patience with my cooped-up sense of humor was already wearing thin. "How does it work?" she asked, her voice teetering between abject terror and morbid curiosity. "More importantly...why?"

I had anticipated her skepticism and rattled off a list of prepared reasons why now was the right time for a bidet: no more fist fights with strangers at Costco for the last pack of Charmin Ultra; we'd properly protect our butts from disease and infection; if we really gave a damn about climate change, we'd acknowledge that bidets are better for the planet. But my most important reason, which seemed to convince her, was "Why not?"

- Spencer Dukoff (Men's Health Deputy Editor)