Masculinity Ode

I used to think my body craved 
annihilation. An inevitability, 
like the slow asphyxiation 
of the earth. Yoked to this body 
by beauty, its shallow promises 
I was desperate to believe, 
too fearful to renounce my allegiance 
even with its hand closing 
around my throat. When I chose 
myself, I chose surrender. God 
is the river that remakes me 
in its image. I didn’t know what 
was waiting on the other side. 
I swam through it anyway. 

Copyright © 2024 by Ally Ang. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on July 16, 2024, by the Academy of American Poets. 

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“I contemplated transitioning for many years before I took the leap, but I let fear—of violence and rejection, of how I would be perceived, of my own masculinity and masculinity in general—hold me back. This poem is a celebration of the divine and liberating act of choosing one’s happiness despite that fear.”
—Ally Ang