Ann Friedman - Text the aunties more photos!

What a delightful deluge of replies to last week's newsletter on working to build community. Here's a chorus of your own advice:

Pass the share plate.
"One of my neighbors instigated a 'share plate.' It's a big plate with a tag on it saying to pass the plate on to another neighbor when there's an opportunity (with some sort of food on it). I have the plate now. One of my neighbors brought it with a cake on it to a party I was having - so now it's my turn!" -Arestia

Calendar reminders aren’t just for plans.
"If a friend tells me they have a big presentation/a stressful doctor's appointment/a funeral to go to/basically any Event, I mark it down in my calendar and set a reminder for myself to text them that I'm thinking about them first thing in the morning." -Dani. Emily said the same thing. This is an especially good tip for long-distance friends.

Send the aunties more photos!
"Yesterday, totally unprompted, [a long-distance friend] texted me photos of her 3-year-old in a leotard and tights, clearly about to go into her first ever dance class. I should add here that dance is a significant part of my friendship with the mom, so to have her share this big moment in her daughter's life was extremely meaningful to me. With my parent friends I am very understanding that I typically take on a much larger share of the responsibility in initiating plans and conversations— so something little like those surprise photos I received can be such a good reminder that the parents value my role in their kids' lives and in the story of their family." -Sophia

Seek out a pre-existing community that suits you better.
"I left the church along with my first husband just a couple years after college, but I visited my local Presbyterian Church this week because I'm looking for plug and play community where my toddler might get some sort of moral foundation (which he can then do whatever he likes with) and someone might bring a hot dish if we get sick. The pastor preached on the importance of loving everyone and the separation of church and state, so I'm much more optimistic about it than any church I've visited so far." -Amy

Make an 8-minute call.
Taeva bumped this NYT article (gift link) on the power of a short check-in. I would add that if it feels onerous to schedule a phone call, try a long voice message.

Thank a teacher.
"Teachers are the modern 'aunties' for the majority of families in 2024. They attend birthday parties, worry about your health, know the intimate details of your family structure, celebrate your wins, challenge your shortcomings (as kids and parents) and have deep vested interest in your child becoming a better version of themselves." -Annie

Feel your friendship feelings.
"I’m a recovering social reject and definitely fall into the trap of one-to-one math: if I’m always the one initiating plans, do these people even like me? When people cancel I get all up in my head, and usually they’re just tired and need downtime, and often are honest about that. Still, I am nearly fifty and I feel like I’m just beginning to have real girlfriends for the first time in my life. Throwing out the math is really hard, and it’s my greatest hurdle." -Laura

"Recently, one of my bffs mentioned to me that she and her husband will probably start trying for a baby, and I started mourning our friendship. I sort of just thought we'd be child-free besties forever (even though we 1000% talk about having kids, lol. I think I was in denial). It was helpful for me to read this newsletter today to give myself a bit of a reality check and get excited about all the ways I can continue to support her and eventually be an auntie to her baby." -Dani

Form a seasonal club.
"My friend group has a 'supper club club' that started when we all at various times moved back to Dubuque. We meet once a month at a supper club, which makes getting together feel like an event. The supper club club also has a season which makes it feel fresh again every fall when we restart.” -Kristin. Honestly, this one is my favorite because it just sounds so fun. I love the idea of an annual, seasonal club. 

Even if I didn't quote you here, thanks for replying. I never get tired of learning how other people do community.

"This election isn’t just about Amber Thurman. Every day of my lucky, breathing life is about Amber Thurman. Because the only thing that separates us, is one of us bled out under the right Supreme Court." Bess Kalb on raising federal hell about living in a country that has condemned women to death for creating new life in the wrong state. [Bess Kalb] Related: Hitha Palepu offers some ways to practice US citizenship right now.

Kathryn Joyce wrote the feature I've been waiting to read on the brewing schism in the Catholic church, in which an extremely conservative faction is into a pretty icky combo of the very old (Latin Mass and lace mantillas) and very new (influencer marketing). With cameos by Shia LaBeouf, Russell Brand, Jordan Peterson, and “Old Testament Christ on a horse, cape dipped in blood, [with a] sword.” [Vanity Fair]

"The idea that books and information can change lives is not pollyannaish or liberal fantasy for me. It is a reality." Three incarcerated readers explain what it takes to get e-books in prison. [Lit Hub] Here's a list of prison book donation programs in the US, Canada, and Great Britain.

Dozens of U.S. university campuses have quietly implemented new “expressive activity” policies—effectively banning many forms of protest. Sophie Hurwitz reports. [Mother Jones]

“I probably have one of the best deals ever in modern music because I was like: ​‘Fuck you guys, give me what I want or I’m going to do this myself.’” Delia Cai profiles Chappell Roan and chronicles The Great Roaning of ​’24. [The Face]

It's simple: Your phone. +1 (323) 909-XXXX. Six rings. A short message from me. [A perk for paying members only!]

Scene: I am high (maybe too high?) and absolutely kicking my feet in delight because this has crossed my screen.

Anna Sale talked to the Daily Yonder about how to be "of many places at once," a good companion to my newsletter from a few weeks ago on the same topic.