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[Image description: Text ‘Considering My Crushes Guest Post’ on a lilac background]

This guest post series is a space where other writers in my community think about their own fruity memories and fantasies from back in the day.

Check out ‘#56: Guest Post – Considering My Crushes’ for Justine Myers’ piece on his school boy crush on fellow pupil Harry, and actors Maxwell Caulfield, Clive Owen and Will Smith; ‘#53: Guest Post – Considering My Crushes’ for Peter Apps’ piece on his crushes Princess Jasmin, children’s TV presenter Katy Hill, J-Lo and the character of Cassie form the Animorphs book series; and ‘#50: Guest Post – Considering My Crushes’ for Karla Marie Sweet’s essay on her crushes on Aladdin, footballer Paul Ince, Spice Girl Mel C and lots of sexy actresses from film and TV.

And earlier on in this season of ‘She Dares To Say’ I wrote ‘#57: #57: Considering My Crushes – No. 03’, revealing the people whose voices I found sexy as a teen; Rupert Everett, Alan Rickman, the guy who raps in the Michael Jackson song ‘Black or White, Matt Bellamy’s singing voice, Gorillaz rapper, Dylan from Bodyrockers in ‘I like the Way’ song, Adam Yauch from Beasties Boys’ rap verses in ‘Ch-check It Out’, Timbaland, Ying-Yang twins whispering filth.

In ‘#46: Considering My Crushes – No. 02’, I described my early 00s crushes on Sirius Black and Kingsley Shacklebolt from Harry Potter; Harvey, Romeo and Asher D from So Solid Crew. And in ‘#40: Considering My Crushes – No. 01’ I went back to the mid/late 90s, to my first crushes who were Peter Pan, Damon Albarn, Billy Kennedy, Ernst Robinson and US President Bill Clinton.

‘Considering My Crushes’ by author Oli Lipski (AKA ‘The Queer Sensualist’) who also writes the Substack ‘Pleasure Anxiously’

My bisexual crushes: celeb 

If I can trace back to my earliest celebrity crushes, it would probably be Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They were the first band I saw live with my best friend at the ripe age of 12. I have a horribly hilarious photo of us, me lanky with braces and glasses, wearing a bright green headband and red bangles, and does anyone remember shag bands? For those who don’t, they were plastic bracelets that you gave your crush, and if or when it broke you would have to ‘shag’ the person who gave it to you. 

Anyway, back to Anthony Kiedis, controversially known today for his teenage girlfriends, despite being in his sixties (shock horror). As a young teen, I read his autobiography, Scar Tissue like it was my bible. I paraded it around the school at break times, obsessed with the fact that he was also a Scorpio, and loved sex, drugs and rock and roll. 

I must have been around 13 when I read it, as I distinctly remember him describing the time he lost his virginity at 13 to his dad’s girlfriend – reflecting back I know how deeply disturbing this is. But at the time, I felt like I knew him intimately, and reflecting back on what he represented during my budding sexuality, I was enlightened by his love for exciting sex and playful nudity (see socks on cocks). 

[Image description: Anthony Kiedis is naked, except for a large sock over his penis, on stage singing into a microphone]

I adored his voice and loved his songs, and spent my teen years (I lie, I still do this), learning as many chilli’s songs on guitar as I could – and to this day it’s still my dream to set up a Red Hot Chilli Peppers tribute band. I feel like this crush era represents how I wanted to form my identity as a teenager through my own desires. 

From rock’n’roll to emo punk, my obsession with Kiedis was rivalled only with my love for lead singer of Paramore, Hayley Williams. That bright flame of orange hair, her belter of a voice, her punk-pop songs (lest we forget crushcrushcrush) that left me craving for more. To the point at which I literally went to the hairdressers and showed them a picture of her. I had caramel coloured hair with blond highlights under my emo fringe, with “feathered” ends that I wax-sprayed to shit. It was a look that I do not regret. 

[Image description: Music video still of Hayley Williams who has red, orange and yellow feathered hair]

I finally got to see her live at Reading Festival in 2010, where me and my bestie (the same one I went to Red Hot Chilli Peppers with, in fact), got to crowdsurf to the end of her set which was honestly one of the highlights of my teenage life! And I’m so glad she’s made a comeback. pArAmOrE 4EvA rAwR xD.

Two blond bombshells were also the topic of my teen fantasy crushes, which interestingly, I perhaps modelled myself upon as I have been blonde ever since (until this year, where I finally let my natural brown hair grow through, also known as recession brunette – it’s expensive upkeep). 

First up is the gorgeous Sienna Miller. She piqued my interest when I first watched Layer Cake. While my mates were pining after Daniel Craig, I was in awe of her seductive acting, and distinctly remember the scene (mainly as I’ve watched this film over and over for this moment) where she is rubbing her phone on her couch telling Daniel that she’s rubbing it on her “fanny”. 

That scene, along with the dancing eye flirting scene and the scene where she is getting dressed in her lingerie for him were the pinnacles of sexy for me. And thanks to that, I ripped a poster of her face out of a magazine and stuck it on my bedroom wall to drool over. 

[Image description: Film still of Sienna Miller]

Alongside Sienna (‘cause we’re on first-name terms now of course), Gossip Girls’ (somewhat problematic) Blake Lively was a teen hottie I remember crushing on, alongside the (explicitly problematic) Ed Westwick.

Hilarious to be writing about these crushes, say 15 years after the fact, as I am midway through rewatching the series as a 30-year-old woman, and still feel the pang of teen lust for these characters – despite their terrible flaws.

[Image description: TV show still of Blake Lively]

[Image description: TV show still of Ed Westwick]

I also recall acting as a “baddie” in a play when I was 15, basing my male persona on Chuck Bass, and remember feeling so hot and powerful with my sock-packed crotch. Le sigh. 

I do wonder what these celeb crushes say about me, or perhaps at least about what types of people I was drawn to. Sexually confident and seductive. Mysterious (read: controversial). And of course, as all celeb crushes are: unobtainable. 

My bisexual crushes: anonymous 

Now here’s when things get a little more personal, and for fear of being exposed, I’ll make sure to be discreet about personal info. 

School 

Going way back to my primary school days, my earliest crush was my best friend. We were family friends and still are to this day. He knows who he is, mainly because I wasn’t very discreet at the time. Skipping around the school playground as a wee six year old singing “Olivia and [REDACTED], sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!” Our parents loved it! And I remember my mum holding mistletoe above us so I could kiss him. Unfortunately, it was unrequited but I’m grateful for the lifelong friendship this crush turned into. 

Towards the end of primary school, into early secondary, there was another boy I fancied. And my secret crush once again was embarrassingly exposed when I left a Valentine’s Card on his desk that read “from your secret admirer, guess who – turn over the flap to find out.” Yes, I exposed myself. This crush was really into football and so I joined the girls’ football team. He liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers, so I did too. And we’ve come full circle.

Moving into all girls’ Secondary School territory, when I was discovering my queer sexuality, I had one very big crush that was al-consuming and very confusing. She had my attention, and our friendship became very affectionate. While we would make out at parties (mostly in front of the boys, but then also behind closed doors), I spent years believing I was pining over a straight girl. Yet, fast forward to today, and just like many of my closeted school friends, she came out. I had to take a moment to grieve what could have been… However, I know it would never have been as fantastical as it was in my mind. #longlivethecrush.

Work 

Something I have learned in more recent years, is to not crush on people at your workplace. Things become very complicated very quickly. Though I think I now understand why crushes are necessary – to fill an empty void. 

I once worked in a big office, back before I became a freelancer, and found myself obsessing over two people at the same time. This quirky yellow-haired girl, and long-haired grunge-y boy. I had the most boring of jobs, which often involved stuffing envelopes, or photocopying things… while I would fantasise about dating them both, flitting from one life to the other. 

Eventually we started to all hang out as a three. And at one point she told me “he fancies you”. I was so shocked and scared of potentially jeopardising my fantasy with her, I blurted out “Oh, no, I fancy you, not him!” 

She was flattered, but that was about it. And I daren’t make a move for fear of rejection. Next thing I know, the pair are hooking up. Yes, with each other. 

Game over. 

A more recent work crush developed during the pandemic, where, on our team work calls, I would fantasise about another life. Running away to a foreign country and starting afresh with her. 

Safe to say, we are now close friends and I treasure our time together. So perhaps, the fantasy of a crush might not always lead to feeling “totally crushed” but blossom and shapeshift into something entirely wholesome. 

About the Author
Oli Lipsk is a Sensual Intimacy Coach, Pleasure Workshop Facilitator, and Sex-Positive Writer. She has dedicated her career to queering the conversation around sex and smashing taboos around pleasure. Since her degrees in the history of sexuality and queer theory, she has written for a variety of publications and business, before setting up her coaching practice; offering 1:1 support for people struggling with their sex and love lives, Oli guides them to create more fulfilling intimacy with themselves, their partners, and the world around them. 

Websites and socials

Pleasure Anxiously For my fellow anxious babes, join me, Sensual Intimacy Coach Oli Lipski, in the pursuit of pleasure and the journey of learning how to love when struggling with anxiety. By Oli Lipski

thequeersensualist.com | @olivlips

[Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’]

The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 30 October and will feature some material about the unconventional work that Oli does, including running a ‘Sensual Self-Touch Workshop’, which is a two-hour guided mindful body and vulva exploration at a venue in East London. 

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[Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’]

I’m Almaz Ohene, a Creative Copywriter, Freelance Journalist and Accidental Sexpert.

Commission me!

This content is not behind a paywall, but since it takes time to create and upload each piece, do please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’ to support this project. Paid subscribers get additional subscriber-only posts each month and continuous access to the full archive. Paid subscriptions are either billed monthly at £3.79 or annually at £34.99.

Upgrade to paid

If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal.

Support

You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting, restacking via Notes or just generally sharing 😃