Weekend: Good News for “Sad Beige Moms” 🥔

Folks, we didn’t think it was possible, but Martha Stewart has officially out-Martha’d herself. While America’s patron saint of domesticity has never hidden her zero-f*cks-given attitude (remember when she boldly declared mugs were “clumsy and ugly”?), she’s taken things to another, even more ridiculous level while on the press circuit for her upcoming documentary. Leading up to its release, the 83-year-old Queen of Sultry Thirst Traps (see: this Audrey Hepburn-inspired look) has dropped some bombshells. That includes the viral clip where she admits to cheating on her first husband (keeping it a secret was allegedly “very easy”) and new details about her time at Alderson Federal Prison Camp, aka Camp Cupcake, like when she was “dragged” into solitary confinement for “touching an officer.” Plus, Stewart shared her Halloween costume (we look forward to Buckingham Palace’s response), all the things she does care about (we never would’ve guessed she was so invested in Moo Deng), and the iconic reason why she’ll never go on The Golden Bachelorette (Joan has thoughts).

This is hardly the first time Stewart has surprised fans with her fiery hot takes (never forget when she came for Blake Lively’s “stupid” website, shaded Gwyneth Paltrow, or beefed with Bethenny Frankel). What is surprising, though? Her decision to kick off her press circuit on the heels of Ina Garten’s equally meme-worthy memoir tour. Purely coincidental? Maybe. But the timing raises eyebrows, especially given the headlines about what they both claim isn’t a feud. And while Stewart was all smiles at the documentary’s premiere, she reportedly isn’t happy with how it came out, according to The Daily Beast. (Among her complaints? The director “refused to change anything” and focused too much on “my stupid trial.”) But the good news for Stewart is that she may have a second chance to get her story right: Netflix has apparently asked her to do another film. In which case, Martha, we eagerly await your directorial debut. After all, if you want something done right, it’s best to do it yourself.