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Good morning and Happy Memorial Day. Today, the Brew is doing something very different. Like, verrrry different.
Fiction.
Because the coronavirus has completely taken over our lives since March, it’s hard to imagine a world without it. But we think it's important to at least try. For this special edition, the Brew writers asked ourselves: “What would we be writing about on May 25, 2020, if a global pandemic never happened?”
That means none of the news stories you are about to read are true—they are our best approximation of what Morning Brew would’ve published today in the absence of a pandemic. We hope this edition not only makes you laugh, but gives you an opportunity to reflect on how much our lives have changed in less than 90 days.
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NASDAQ
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10,144.44
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+ 13.06%
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S&P
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3,512.27
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+ 8.72%
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DJIA
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30,750.53
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+ 7.74%
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GOLD
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1,393.00
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- 8.36%
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10-YR
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2.650%
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+ 73 bps
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OIL
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63.37
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+ 3.50%
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*As of market close. If only there was this much green in real life.
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Markets: The U.S. stock market is off for the holiday—but investors are probably itching to return to the trading floor. The three major indexes all set fresh records on Friday after Fed Chair Jerome Powell said the economy was “hitting on all cylinders.”
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Trade: President Trump will head to the U.K. tomorrow to sign a historic bilateral trade agreement with British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.
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Justin Sullivan/Getty Images
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We know about 114,000 tech workers who will have time to level up their breakfasts this summer. Yesterday, Google CEO Sundar Pichai said the company’s entire workforce will be able to work remotely on Fridays from June 15–Labor Day.
- Well...almost the entire workforce. Some engineers work on servers they can only legally access from Google buildings, so they’ll keep commuting. We’ll keep an eye out for embittered-looking coders on the NYC subway.
- Silicon Valley’s smaller startups have embraced flexible work arrangements in the past, but Google is the first household name to really dive in.
Why? The rosé industry needs Summer Fridays. But also, research has found that remote work leads to greater productivity and improved business performance. And taking commuters off the road significantly reduces CO2 emissions...which Pichai managed to mention several times in his call with reporters.
(Here’s some research on both. If you sell it right, you can get your boss to think it was her idea.)
Plus, the tech world’s slate of shiny perks to attract top talent has evolved from nap pods and sushi to work-life flexibility and sushi. Google wants to hold on to its perks-for-days reputation—especially in this historically tight labor market.
But WFH isn’t likely to catch on outside Think Different-land
Buttoned-up insurance, finance, and law firms tend to be more conservative about flexible policies. Chalk it up to culture...and the fact that those sectors are squirrelly about relying on outside networks to transmit sensitive information.
- At a security conference yesterday, JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon said, "I like Sundar a lot, but in my estimation he's got this one wrong. In-office interactions are critical to innovation."
Bottom line: Remote work has clear benefits, but most experts think it’ll be many years, if not decades, before it spreads to the more by-the-book corners of the biz world.
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Giphy
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Apparently not. Fast and Furious 9 set fire to the box office this weekend, breaking every basic law of physics along with the record for highest-grossing Memorial Day debut at $121 million.
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Fun fact: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End previously held the Fri-Sun MDW record with $113 million.
F9, which is on its way to becoming the highest-grossing movie in the 19-years-young franchise, is the latest success story in the spring box office season.
A recap: Since March, live-action Mulan turned in a predictably strong Disney performance, while Trolls World Tour, Onward, A Quiet Place Part II, and the latest Bond flick, No Time to Die, all topped expectations.
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Up next: Top Gun: Maverick and Lin-Manuel Miranda's In the Heights are sure to keep butter fountains flowing.
You can keep your Netflix n' Chill
AMC, Regal, and Cinemark can set aside fears that streaming-exclusive movie premieres are convincing young'uns to skip the box office in favor of home viewing. As it turns out, witnessing cars with 10,000x the average rollover rate is better on the big screen—for now.
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You’ve got five years to get that Tupperware cupboard in order. Earlier this week, NM Sen. Tom Udall and CA Rep. Alan Lowenthal finally snuck their bill banning single-use plastics through Congress, and it’s got big implications for your corner taqueria.
What’s in it: The bill bans nonrecyclable single-use plastics (like utensils and plastic bags) and requires recycled material food containers. If you want tacos to go, you’ll have to pay a fee.
- The bill’s sponsors encourage states to let consumers BYOContainer: “If people can bring a thermos into Starbucks, they should be able to bring Tupperware for their sandwich," Udall said.
The changes go into effect in 2025, but industry groups are already saying it’s a death knell for local restaurants, arguing the extra costs will unfairly penalize owners and force them to use “inferior products.”
Zoom out: In the absence of federal legislation, states and cities have been passing bans on plastics and styrofoam containers. Eight states have single-use plastic bag bans after New York’s went into effect in March.
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SPONSORED BY THE MOTLEY FOOL
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For the past few weeks, experts from the Motley Fool have been walking us through the finer points of the stock market in what we’re humbly calling “The Ultimate Guide to Investing.”
In part three of our ultimate guide, we turn our attention to a place where not much of it is needed: low-attention investments.
Investment Analyst Emily Flippen takes us through some market tactics that don’t require a lot of work on your part. To be frank, we were grateful for the explanation. Before this, we had no Flippen clue what most of these terms meant.
So, without further ado, here it is: “Low Attention, High Reward,” the latest installment of Morning Brew x Motley Fool’s “Ultimate Guide to Investing.”
(Just to be clear, our guide is very real, and if we do say so ourselves, very helpful.)
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YouTube
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The anonymous bidder who dropped a record $5.3 million to have lunch with Warren Buffett has been revealed to be YouTuber MrBeast.
Who did what now?
MrBeast, aka Jimmy Donaldson, is 22 years old and has over 35 million subscribers on YouTube. He rose to popularity by giving away massive sums of money...which tends to make people like you.
You can’t find a much better contrast between the old and the new than Mr. Buffett dining with MrBeast.
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A sign of the times: A 2019 survey from Lego found that the top career aspiration for kids in the U.S. and U.K. was “Vlogger/YouTuber.”
Bottom line: Who knows what the two will discuss during the lunch—an annual event to raise money for charity—but Buffett will certainly be buying. Celebrity Net Worth shows MrBeast is worth $4 million, while the Oracle of Omaha’s bet on surging airline stocks has sent his net worth north of $100 billion for the first time.
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Do you have plans tonight? Yes? Cancel them.
LeBron James will be making his first appearance on a basketball court since suffering that gruesome ankle injury back in March.
LeReturn should provide a ratings boost to TNT/ESPN, which have already reported impressive viewership numbers during the 2020 NBA playoffs. After all, you can't make up these storylines...
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In the Eastern Conference Finals, the games have been fierce—but the trash talk? Next level. The Sixers and Celtics are tied at one game apiece.
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Over in the West, the Lakers desperately need LeBron back in the lineup if they want to topple the unbeatable-looking Clippers.
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More intrigue: After crashing out in the first round, Bucks superstar Giannis Antetokounmpo was spotted in a local Milwaukee coffee shop chatting with Matt LaFleur, the head coach of the Green Bay Packers
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+ While we're here: ESPN dropped another trailer for its 10-part Michael Jordan documentary, The Last Dance, during halftime of last night's game. It's set to break records when it arrives next Tuesday.
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- Airbnb picked a date for its IPO: June 12.
- Delta said it resolved a computer issue that disrupted dozens of flights in Atlanta during the busy holiday weekend.
- The SEC is reportedly investigating Elon Musk for his infamous April Fools tweet.
- Sen. Elizabeth Warren raised antitrust concerns over Disney's acquisition of Roku.
- White Claw introduced four new flavors of its spiked seltzer ahead of beach szn.
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None of the news stories you just read are true, but...they could have been if a pandemic hadn't upended our lives. Markets are not at record highs, tens of millions are working from home, movies and events (like Buffett's dinner) were all postponed, restaurants have relied on takeout to survive, and LeBron's ankle is just fine considering the NBA hasn't played a game in months.
Two quick notes:
- For clarity, the sponsored sections of this newsletter are 100% real.
- We know this edition was a bit different, so we'd love to hear from you: What'd you think?
Wait before you reply, because there's still some fun tips and a crossword coming your way.
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Returning to the workplace? WeWork’s got you. With enhanced sanitization, modified seating, and friendly safety reminders, your team can easily navigate the future of work in a safe, healthy environment. Discover how .*
PayPal has 300 million members—yet few know this tool. Honey instantly finds the best discount codes for over 30k sites and applies them straight to your online purchases—for free. Start saving today.*
Workout with the Brew's CEO: Tomorrow morning at 8:00am ET, Morning Brew CEO Alex Lieberman will be doing a live 30 min. kickboxing/HIIT workout with legendary fitness trainer Gina DiNapoli (@jabsbygina). You're all invited. and see you early tomorrow. Bring water.
Mesmerizing + informational video: A pretty good combo, if you ask us. Here's a very short guide to Union Glacier Camp in Antarctica.
*This is sponsored advertising content
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On Saturday, we mistakenly published two different Market Snapshots: one correct...one from one week ago. We can see how that was utterly confusing. We regret the error and thanks to everyone who pointed it out.
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Sample clue: Gold in Snowboard Superpipe, for example (9 letters).
Play the crossword to find out what it is.
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Quarantine newsletter → 
Retail newsletter → 
Business podcast →