Willy Wonka's guest Veruca Salt famously sang, I want the works, I want the whole works. Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises of all shapes and sizes. And now. Don't care how, I want it now. The Oompa Loompas used the demand as an opportunity to blame parents who raise spoiled brats. The fulfillment team at Amazon saw the urgency as one more customer preference that could add to the revenue stream. A lot of purchasers want what they want right now (or at least same day). Do you really need what you ordered to arrive that quickly? Probably not. But customers love fast delivery and fast delivery brings repeat customers. Hence, the race to fulfill your every fulfillment center desire. In the NYT, Jordyn Holman takes you into one of Amazon's same-day delivery centers to track the progress of a product even Veruca Salt could have waited on: An emotional support pickle. You Want That Gift to Arrive Today? This Is What It Takes. "While I watched, a screen directed Keri Simon, a fulfillment center associate, to grab particular items off the pod — a bottle of shampoo or a 2025 New Yorker calendar — and place them in a gray cubbyhole. On the other side of the cubbyholes, Isabel Isais packed the items into one of three different sleeves: two sizes of brown paper and one plastic option. The computer in front showed which packaging to choose. Using these sleeves is faster than loading up boxes. Then a machine spit out a shipping label, which Ms. Isais put on the package. All of this took seconds." (That's pretty good. Until they find a way to make it faster.)

2

AI Curious

"My friends, more schooled in these matters, reminded me that a breakup text was better than being 'ghosted,' a practice that, when I learned of it, seemed worth bringing the guillotine back for. One friend asked if I had a 'breakup plan.' A what? I found a worksheet on Etsy, seemingly modelled on a birth plan, only instead of 'I may want a walking epidural,' the options to numb the pain included 'start a side hustle.' Before I knew it, I was lost in a corner of the Internet populated by breakup coaches, heartbreak dietitians looking to replace the classic pint of ice cream with anti-inflammatory popcorn, and get-over-him getaways." The New Yorker's Jennifer Wilson on The New Business of Breakups. (With ice cream and popcorn by your side, who needs love?)

+ Some people are tired of the risks of human relationships. Or at least they're AI curious. The Verge (May Require Sub): Friend or Faux. "Millions of people are turning to AI for companionship. They are finding the experience surprisingly meaningful, unexpectedly heartbreaking, and profoundly confusing, leaving them to wonder, ‘Is this real? And does that matter?'" (I've never tried this. But I'd be shocked if it beats ice cream.)

3

Where's the Beef?

You know how turkeys feel around Thanksgiving? Well, that's how chickens feel all year 'round. And the feeling is growing. WaPo (Gift Article): Chicken sustains fast-food chains as cost of beef rises. "Chicken Big Macs. Chicken al pastor burritos. Free chicken sandwich Sundays. Cantina-style chicken menus. It’s not your late-night cravings talking — it’s a takeover of fast-food menus. The fast-food industry’s years-long chicken craze accelerated this year as companies from McDonald’s to Chipotle rolled out specialty products for budget-conscious, protein-craving consumers ... 'If I’m a restaurant or a chain, I’ve got to put a meal in front of people they can afford ... If I want to put something on a menu to reduce my costs, it makes a lot of sense to put a chicken item out there.'"

4

Pen Mightier Than the Untoward?

"It is a very ominous thing if our leading forums for discussion of public affairs are already feeling the chill of intimidation and responding with efforts to appease. I write these words very aware that I’m probably saying goodbye forever to a television platform that I enjoy and from which I have benefited as both viewer and guest. I have been the recipient of personal kindnesses from the hosts that I have not forgotten. I do not write to scold anyone; I write because fear is infectious. Let it spread, and it will paralyze us all." David Frum in The Atlantic (Gift Article): The Sound of Fear on Air. "It is an ominous sign that Morning Joe felt it had to apologize for something I said."

+ "Today, the divide between the 'mainstream' and the outsiders is not about reach. Sixty-three percent of American adults get at least some of their news from television, 42 percent from radio, and 26 percent from print publications, according to a 2024 Pew report. But 54 percent get at least some of their news from social media—meaning that, alongside established outlets, they’re relying on sources such as Infowars videos, Facebook memes, and posts on X." Helen Lewis: The ‘Mainstream Media’ Has Already Lost.

+ "Before he has even taken office, Trump has faced down two of the country’s most prominent newspapers, inducing them to back off longstanding, well-reasoned editorial opposition. That is terrifying." Harry Litman: Why I Just Resigned From The Los Angeles Times.

5

Extra, Extra

Crypto Bro Hug: Pro crypto lobbyists bet big on Donald Trump's election. And the bet is already paying dividends. Bitcoin price tops $100,000 for first time as Trump win fuels crypto fever.

+ Searching for the Healthcare Hitman: "The words 'delay' and 'depose' were found on a live round and shell casing, according to law enforcement sources. Authorities also found a phone and bottle of water that may have been dropped by the gunman." Manhunt for UnitedHealthcare CEO shooter stretches into second day.

+ On the Same Wavelength: "A powerful earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 7.0 struck off the coast of Northern California late Thursday morning local time, according to the US Geological Survey. A quake this strong is relatively rare, with officials reporting only about 15 around the world each year." It resulted in a series of tsunami warnings that millions of people received via texts, calls, and alerts. (I haven't been texted this much since the weeks leading up to the election.) Thankfully, the warning was lifted.

+ Ain't Pete: There are the personal reasons Pete Hegseth isn't qualified for the Sec of Defense gig. There are the professional reasons he isn't qualified. And then there are the weird and disturbing reasons. NYT (Gift Article): Pete Hegseth and His ‘Battle Cry’ for a New Christian Crusade. "Mr. Hegseth’s interest in the Crusades — campaigns that featured so many atrocities that many Christian leaders today view them as a shameful stain on the religion’s history — is linked both to his Christian beliefs and worldview. In his books, he says that if the United States cannot mount a successful defense against Islamist and leftist ideology, the nation will be destroyed and 'human freedom will be finished.'" While we're on the topic of appointees, there's this: "Mark McAfee, the California raw milk producer who has been at the center of several bird flu-related product recalls, says a transition team for Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. has encouraged him to apply for a position at the Food and Drug Administration."

+ Land Down Underage: "The ban won’t go into effect for another year. But how will Australia be able to enforce it? That’s not clear, nor will it be easy. TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram have become so ingrained in young people’s lives that going cold turkey will be difficult." Australia is banning social media for people under 16. Could this work elsewhere — or even there?

+ Wolverine in Creep's Clothing: "When the University of Michigan football team’s boosters announced on Nov. 21 that they had flipped the No. 1 high school quarterback in the country from Louisiana State to Ann Arbor, it sent shock waves through the sport. The on-field implications were only a part of the surprise. Just as stunning was how the Wolverines had pulled it off: with the help of a surprise donation from the world’s fourth-richest man, tech billionaire Larry Ellison. The strangest part was that Ellison, the co-founder of Oracle, had no known connection to the school." This is story about a mysterious donation. But it's also a broader story about what college sports has become. WSJ(Gift Article): The Billionaire, His Mystery Wife and College Football’s Wildest Recruiting Saga.

+ Seoul Survivor:"When the South Korean president declares martial law on Tuesday night, I am fairly drunk, as is much of the city. By sheer coincidence, I am working from Seoul that week, and I have just met up with my boss — also, coincidentally, passing through the city while on vacation — for drinks. My boss’s boss texts me at 10:49PM as I stumble out of the subway station and into a convenience store where I proceed to buy an armful of hangover cures. 'Did South Korea just declare martial law?'" Tech reporter Sarah Jeong experienced six hours under martial law in Seoul.

+ Avowal Movement: What's the best body hack for longevity? It might not be that complicated. Just move around a lot. (I wonder if moving one's fingertips along one's keyboard counts...)

6

Bottom of the News

"A man in Canada's far north leapt on to a polar bear to protect his wife from being mauled, police say. The unnamed man suffered serious injuries but is expected to recover, according to the Nishnawbe Aski Police Service." (Just when I was feeling good about resetting a tripped breaker.)

+ Mattel Sued Over ‘Wicked’ Dolls That Included Link to P-rn Website on Packaging.

+ Pantone's 2025 color is Mocha Mousse. (This is the fist time just looking at something has set off my glucose monitor.)