December 11, 2024

Illustration: Lia Kantrowitz

I don’t know what came first, the symptoms or the targeted ads. But I do know that starting not long after my 40th birthday, two years ago in the early fall, I began to wake up so sweaty that I developed a persistent rash all over my chest. My skin was constantly itchy, and I’d claw my legs in my sleep, leaving bloody scratches that made me look like I’d gotten in a bike accident — which was funny, because my breasts were so excruciatingly sore I could no longer ride a bike or exercise — or drive a car without wearing a sports bra. I had strange new allergies — to hair dye, clothing detergent, alcohol — and I often had a fluttering sensation in my chest that was maybe a heart condition or maybe all in my head. Anxiety and insomnia greeted me along with the rest, but it was impossible to tell whether these were primary features of my mystery ailment or responses to it. Regardless, I now had lots of time in the middle of the night to descend into medical rabbit holes, which both increased my panic and fed my algorithm — which was now serving me up a platter of solutions that, in my desperate, sleep-deprived state, I was ordering by the dozen, boxes and boxes of Amazon products piling up at my door.

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Getty Images

By Madame Clairevoyant

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In New York, a mother with no history of drug use lost custody of her toddler and newborn for five months after she tested positive for fentanyl that a hospital had given her in her epidural. Meanwhile Time doesn't announce until Thursday, but reports say Donald Trump will be named Person of the Year once more. Also in politics, but on a much funnier note: A New Jersey congressman faked his Spotify Wrapped to look like more of a Springsteen fan. And speaking of wrapped, Beyoncé is giving her fans a special gift this holiday season.

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A biweekly newsletter interrogating modern family life, written by Kathryn Jezer-Morton.