Let's change things up and start with a classic Russian love story. This tale features Boris and Svetlaya who grew up in the same orphanage after being rescued from the wild in the Sikhote-Alin mountains. The two unrelated Amur tiger cubs were raised in captivity before being released into the wild, more than 100 miles apart, at the ripe old age of 18 months. Boris, as it turns out, had the eye of the tiger. (Cue the Dr Zhivago soundtrack ... or, if you'd prefer Eye of the Tiger. Either works.) "Scientists tracked the cubs until, more than a year after their release, something strange happened: Boris walked over 120 miles, almost in a straight line, to where Svetlaya had made a home. Six months later, Svetlaya gave birth to a litter of cubs." (Whoa, whoa. Easy Tiger.) NYT (Gift Article): 120 Miles of Russian Forest Couldn’t Keep These Two Tigers Apart.

+ In a possibly related story, a humpback (no pun intended) whale made one of the longest and most unusual migrations ever recorded -- more than 8,000 miles. Researchers think the trek was due to "climate change depleting food stocks or perhaps an odyssey to find a mate." Let's go with the latter. It is hump day after all. Whale makes epic migration, astonishing scientists.

2

Chipping Away at Guac

Two big plans for the administration include trade war threatening tariffs and the deporation of millions of undocumented workers. As economist Rebecca Patterson explains in the NYT (Gift Article), if these two things happen, Prepare for Guacamole to Be a Luxury Item. "The American food ecosystem, including farms, ranches and processors, has heavily relied on immigrant labor for decades. More than half of farmers reported labor shortages in 2022, up from 14 percent in 2014, according to surveys conducted by researchers at the University of California, Davis, and Michigan State. In 2022, about seven in 10 farm workers were foreign-born, according to the National Agricultural Workers Survey. Many of those workers obtain seasonal visas. The rest of the immigrant labor pool, as much as 44 percent of foreign farm workers, are undocumented and have no work authorization."

3

One Horse Town

"Eastern Kentucky is one of the places where you’re most likely to die of a drug addiction but also the place where you’re most likely to receive treatment for it." NYT Magazine (Gift Article): Opioids Ravaged a Kentucky Town. Then Rehab Became Its Business. "In Louisa, an unbearable social crisis has become the main source of economic opportunity."

4

What the F?

"Before they got to the pit, Julian removed his SpongeBob sandals, took off his helmet, vomited and cried. Alessandro, who wore only gray and black Nike apparel, repeated over the grunts of go-kart engines what he had said to himself many times before: 'I’m not here to make friends.'" The two kids are only 11 and 12. Neither is old enough to have a license. But both are years into their training to achieve a longshot dream of being a Formula One driver. It all starts with the increasingly big business of Go Karts. WaPo (Gift Article): The First Step to F1.

5

Extra, Extra

Wray ban: "After weeks of careful thought, I’ve decided the right thing for the Bureau is for me to serve until the end of the current Administration in January and then step down." FBI Director Christopher Wray says he'll resign as Donald Trump takes office. (Wray was appointed by Trump and firing one's FBI director before the ten year term is up is not normal. Is this the right thing for the FBI or obeying in advance? The pit in my stomach makes me think it's the latter.) Meanwhile, Greece gave us modern democracy. We gave them Kimberly Guilfoyle. Foyled again...

+ Blue Bawls: "A strong diet and emphasis on human connection were thought to be some of the biggest contributing factors. But new research suggests the entire concept of Blue Zones is a myth." Fake news? Unpacking the ‘Blue Zone’ myth in Okinawa. "The real secret to longevity — according to Newman — is poor recordkeeping."

+ Captagious: "A social media video surfaced Wednesday allegedly showing a warehouse in Syria stacked with captagon, an illicit drug that had transformed the country into a narco-state under former President Bashar al-Assad’s rule." Plus, four reasons why Turkey is excited about the fall of Assad.

+ Still Jonesing for Justice: A bankruptcy judge has rejected The Onion's bid for Infowars. Area Man Wonders Why It's So Hard to Actually Make Scumbags Like Alex Jones Pay for Their Crimes...

+ Ghost Story: "While this might be the first high-profile shooting attempt using a 3D-printed gun, the fact that a ghost gun was likely used shouldn’t come as a surprise. In the last few years, they’ve become much more frequent at crime scenes, presenting serious challenges for investigators trying to solve crimes." Luigi Mangione’s 3D-printed gun and the problem of untraceable firearms.

+ We Know Where You Are: A troubling trend continues. Joe Burrow's home broken into during Monday night's game.

+ Forces Majeure: "There's also no money for name, image and likeness -- the Department of Defense prohibits players from endorsing any products or having any sponsorships. The academies do not allow redshirting. There are no sweeping roster changes from the transfer portal. Anyone who transfers into the U.S. Military Academy or the Naval Academy has to start all over as a freshman academically and go through the military training and dreaded 'plebe' orientation, making it highly unlikely any junior football player wants to tackle that challenge." Inside Army-Navy: A day in the life of students at the service academies. These could be the last venues for what we used to know as college sports.

6

Bottom of the News

This New Jersey representative faked his Spotify Wrapped results to look like more of a Springsteen fan. (He says his kids listening skewed his actual report which sounds ... relatable.)