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A year ago this month, I remember launching on National Freelancers Day, which is run by IPSE. They have a big event in London and I attended, telling people that I had launched Freelance Feels and my plans for it. Serendipitously, I was asked if I wanted to talk on camera for a round up video they were doing (you can watch it here).
It felt like I was really setting off, really beginning something.
I didn’t make a one-year plan, per se, but I did have hopes and targets – launching the podcast was a big one, as was exploring the idea of coaching and workshops. I hoped, and do hope, for a book deal for Freelance Feels.
As the one-year anniversary comes up (June 18th), I have been reflecting back and I think it’s something we don’t do enough of. We are often so busy planning the future that we forget to look back at the past and see how far we’ve come.
Looking back is important and I urge you to give some time to it this week or month. You could even make a list of the things you’ve done in the past year - big and small. Keep adding to it as things come to mind, and you’ll end up with a list of your wins for the year which will help you decide what you want the coming year to include or be, as well as a reason to pat yourself on the back, which we really need to do more often!
I’ve learned a lot, looking back. I’m proud of how far the platform has come, each message that it makes a different to someone’s day. I’ve learned that there will always be feast and famine and I’ll never get used to it! That there will always be tears (maybe I’m just a cryer…)
And that sometimes I will feel like freelancing isn’t for me… I have felt that a few times in my career and I think we all do, sometimes?
Most of all, I’ve learned that I’ll always compare myself to others. And that’s something I want to explore in this edition of the newsletter.
Comparing ourselves to other freelancers
Over-comparing has cropped up loads in the past week, so it felt like it was the right part of that ‘what I’ve learned’ list to explore further. I have been feeling so overwhelmed lately by feelings of self-comparison. It’s something I always experience, but I have wondered about whether it’s exacerbated during lockdown. Does the lack of ‘life’ distraction mean that other people posting their wins and articles online strikes me harder in the feels?
Funnily, it then came up twice on the morning I was finishing this newsletter. First of all, in another newsletter, Hair Rollers in London, where Jess Evans explored whether or not Twitter is an essential to us, particularly as journalists but also as freelancers.
Then, I spotted this article on Freelance Corner, about how to stop comparing yourself to other freelancers.
It’s got some great advice, including some apps which limit your social media time and the writer, Megan Tatum, talks about how we can compare ourselves to people who are in a different league, so to speak. Eg comparing your week’s work to that of an award-winning writer…
I often do that – for example a podcaster says they have a hugely popular guest and I think ‘why haven’t I?!’. Reality check: The podcaster has been going for a long time and is really well known…
With podcast over-comparison, I have to check myself, too, and remember that many people have their podcast edited and produced for them. It’s no wonder they get all those episodes out if they’re not editing it themselves!
It’s a good thing to remember to do – cross check what you’re reacting to. Ask questions instead of taking what you see at face value. Are they a super famous podcaster? Well of course they have that guest then - they have the kudos to bring them to the party. Is their work part of a job they do? They might have that ‘commission’ or client of dreams, but it could be they’re ex-staff for that company and have a ‘hotline’ to the boss.
The biggest thing to remember is other people are all comparing, too. Oscar winning actors will be comparing to those who’ve won a BAFTA on top. Gold medallists are berating themselves that they haven’t also broken a world record.
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I remind myself, too, that people are allowed to share, it’s how we react that needs to change. And of course, I share things myself, always wary that I might be giving someone else the over-comparison feels. I hope I don’t! But it’s possible, I guess. I am mindful about it, which is something we can all do as the ‘poster’ rather than the ‘postee’.
It was like I was meant to read those two articles, they both really spoke to me. I have been almost in tears lately with the over-comparison. It’s stopped me physically doing things, from pitching or emailing a new contact, to podcast editing. That voice which normally whispers ‘you’re not as good as them’ has been almost screaming.
An example: Recently, on Instagram, someone tagged me and said they liked my article in the Sunday Telegraph. What they had meant to do was tag the podcast guest I’d spoken to who has written a piece.
This was around 10am, I’d just woken up on a Sunday morning.
I went back to bed with feelings of disappointment and failure.
Why hadn’t I had an article published in the Sunday Telegraph?! Why had they tagged me? I felt wounded, a thousand self-judgemental thoughts filling my head (which hadn’t even had a brew yet).
I feel the need to unpack this as I think the calm after that spike of ‘argh!’ is important. Why did they have a piece? Well, for a start they pitched it! I haven’t been pitching, as, following a contract which was quite intense on idea creation, I’ve had a couple of weeks not pitching, to re-set.
I considered, for a moment, the process of pitching. She might have sent that idea to ten editors before that one said yes.
And then I thought ‘well done her!’. Because I know that will mean a lot to have that commission to that person.
It’s good to try and remember that what we see in front of us isn’t the whole story. It’s easy to forget to be happy for someone when we are being jealous, which I was.
Finding balance with over comparing on social media
Avoiding social media completely isn’t something I want to do, but I know I need to control my emotions around it better.
One thing I’ve done is move Twitter from my first page of my phone to the last, to try and make the break from checking it so regularly. I’ve also muted some people who give me over-comparison anxiety, rather than just unfollowing. It feels childish to do it but at the same time it’s helped me find clarity.
I’m also trying to only check Twitter during work hours and it’s a time thief I do not wish to dance with out of hours anymore.
Instagram is harder because I love it! But, again, trying to not check in the evenings is something I want to do. Or first thing. If I check social media before I even have a cuppa, what’s going on there? It’s hard not to over-compare, but there are ways of managing what we see, for sure.
When comparing can be good…
Why do we compare? I think for some (me included) it can spur us on. Seeing someone else succeed can make me take action. For example, I’ll be pitching to the Sunday Telegraph Magazine, as they’re clearly commissioning!
Seeing someone else succeed can make me think that there’s a chance for me, too. That if I try hard (or harder), I can also find that success that I see them achieving.
I’m competitive and comparing can give me a drive that I’ve been lacking. So, I think there is a power in comparing ourselves to others, in some way. It’s a fine line, but one I tread because I know I can be spurred on or inspired by someone else’s win.
Insta links to make you think: Five accounts I’m loving this month
The Happy Sloth Club @thehappyslothclub
Loads of great little reminders to be kind to yourself!
The Happiness Project @thehappinessprojectuk
Raising awareness to mental illness, again with some lovely quotes.
Emily Clarkson @em_clarkson
Em’s body positive posts on stories have really got me through lockdown! She writes about loving yourself as you are, and her own challenges which I relate to.
Charlotte Reed, AKA @maythethoughtsbewithyou
Gorgeous illustrations of wise characters along with inspirational daily words from Charlotte who drew to help find balance with her own mental health struggles.
Locksmith @locksmithrudimental
I loved SAS Who Dares Wins with celebs trying to cut it in the mad world of SAS training. Locksmith was one of two successful candidates and as a Rudimental fan it’s been fascinating to watch his journey. I’ll never forget the day they had to leave the stage at Glastonbury because of a lightening storm!
Podcast of the month
A newbie on the block from one of my fave facebook communities, Freelance Heroes has launched a podcast! It’s led by Ed Goodman who has also been on the Freelance Feels podcast. Listen to their first few eps here.
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