No matter how life appears on the outside—whether it be a breakthrough performance, the accolades, the promotion, the follower count, the championship victories, or the perfectly curated social media presence—we are all fighting, battling, and wrestling with something that others know nothing about and cannot see.

In a candid conversation on The Athletic Football Show with Robert Mays, Los Angeles Rams Super Bowl-winning head coach Sean McVay delved into the X's and O's, coaching elite talent like the now-retired defensive lineman Aaron Donald and the emerging impact of wide receiver Puka Nacua.

Yet, amidst the football discussions, there was a deeply humanizing moment—McVay’s personal growth over the last few years and his journey of improving not just as a play-caller and a great coach but as a human being.

At the heart of leadership are people. And at the heart of self-leadership is the relationship we have with ourselves.

Reflecting on his personal transformation, Coach McVay shared how his perspective on leadership, well-being, and sustainability has shifted over the years. He acknowledged the habits he once embraced and the hard lessons that ultimately reshaped his approach:

"I used to almost think it was cool to be able to get away with not sleeping. That is the dumbest s**t I’ve ever heard. You know, it’s crazy to me because when your job is to deal with people, you have to establish healthy habits that align with sustaining this—especially when there are so many external stressors the season entails. People just want results, and people want to live. I’m not on social media, but it’s almost like I was living in a social media world—curating a life and upholding an image. And that ain’t real. That’s not being a human being," McVay expressed.

"There was a lot of peace in acknowledging the challenges and struggles I’ve gone through. Am I totally perfect? Hell no. But I think I’m better equipped—with the people around me, the perspective, and the purpose—to not go down those roads again. But it was dark."

McVay’s honesty and vulnerability spark important reflections:

What healthy habits do you consistently nurture to keep yourself grounded—whether in times of calm or chaos? Is it adequate sleep, journaling, breathwork, reading, practicing gratitude, spending time with family and loved ones, disconnecting from devices, walking, or working out? What are these habits for you?

As leaders, it’s easy to attempt to lead and serve from an empty glass, but that is not sustainable for long-term excellence and performance. Our ability to lead begins with our ability to show up for ourselves with deeper conviction and consistency.

Whether or not you are on social media, what life are you curating in the spaces where you navigate and lead? How much of the real you do people see—beyond the performance? How much of your identity and unique presence do you compress, suppress, or compartmentalize to make those around you feel comfortable or accepting of you?

The art of leadership and personal transformation lies in self-awareness. The more we know ourselves—a lifelong journey—the better we understand human behavior, allowing us to show up more fully and meaningfully for those we are tasked with leading, caring for, and serving.

The beauty of radical self-inquiry and the inner work of leadership and high performance is that simply asking the question and acknowledging what is can lead to what could be. Yet, we often fear asking the question because we are conditioned to believe we must have an immediate “right” answer.

Sit with these two questions. Then, act on the discoveries that surface:

Both questions require us to lean into courage—our birthright. Yet, by doing so, we gain a deeper perspective on life and leadership. And when life gets hard, and obstacles seem insurmountable, we will have a stronger foundation to anchor ourselves, keeping us focused on our people, our transformational impact, and our well-being.

Let us know what you think...

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