Crooked Media - What A Day: Moscow Fool

BY MATT BERG
& CROOKED MEDIA

TUESDAY
FEBRUARY 18, 2025

“He wants to impose his freak experiments and play-act as God.”

— Steve Bannon on Elon Musk, calling him a “parasitic illegal immigrant.”

VODKA MORONIC

Trump’s bumbling efforts to end the war in Ukraine could have dangerous consequences, anxious Ukrainian officials and people close to President Volodymyr Zelenskyy tell What A Day.

Some of President Donald Trump’s highest-ranking officials met with their Russian counterparts in Saudi Arabia today, the first time the two countries have met to discuss an end to Moscow’s three-year-long invasion of Ukraine. Notably absent from the talks: Ukraine… along with anyone from the European countries that have spent over a hundred billion dollars defending Ukrainian independence. This is playing out in the wake of Vice President JD Vance’s recent petulant speech berating Europe for, he claimed, abandoning its own values. Altogether, these moves have poured gasoline on Washington’s relationship with Europe and set it on fire, leaving the foreign policy world wondering: What exactly is Trump’s strategy here?

“There is no strategy,” a person close to Zelenskyy told What A Day, after the U.S.-Russia talks wrapped. That’s the general feeling in Ukraine right now: The Trump administration is abandoning Kyiv in an attempt to speed up the process and end the war quickly, no matter the consequences. Secretary of State Marco Rubio urged Ukraine not to believe the evidence of its own eyes on this issue, insisting to reporters today that “No one is being sidelined.” It’s a preposterous falsehood — and the Ukrainians aren’t buying it. This, surely, is the road to Trump’s coveted Nobel Peace Prize.

Cutting out Ukraine is a “huge mistake,” a second person close to Zelenskyy told me. The Trump administration “wants to make a very quick diplomatic success.” But Russian dictator Vladimir Putin can outlast Trump and simply wait for what he wants, the person explained, because there are no real elections.

Meanwhile, Trump is also trying to shake down Ukraine for billions worth of rare earth minerals — without offering anything in exchange.

Trump has long voiced his frustration with the amount of support the United States has given Ukraine to help it, you know, not become absorbed into Putin’s authoritarian empire. Trump, a self-styled dealmaker, made a proposal to Zelenskyy last week: Give me $500 billion worth of resources from your country — from oil and gas, to rare earth minerals that could be used to build Teslas. The deal would amount to “economic colonization,” the Telegraph writes. It’s as if Trump is demanding Ukraine’s lunch money, then pushing the country onto the playground with the bully anyway.

The U.S. is also calling for Ukraine to hold presidential elections, which Russian officials suggested was necessary before any peace talks could progress. (There haven’t been any elections since the invasion began due to martial law… and Russia has tried to assassinate Zelenskyy multiple times.) Holding elections before a peace deal is finalized would be “beyond dangerous, a third person close to Zelenskyy told What A Day.

“The U.S. national interest is for any agreement to be lasting and sustainable. Political chaos in Kyiv won’t achieve that,” the person said. “Instead, it could lead to multiple centers of authority, dissolution of the Ukrainian military, and the emergence of countless militias in Ukraine that continue their resistance to Russia’s invasion. An Afghanistan in Europe — that’s what we could see materialize.”

The world order has shifted over the past month, Oleksandra Ustinova, a key Ukrainian lawmaker, told What A Day in a call. The U.S. can’t necessarily be relied upon anymore: Ukraine can win “if Europeans step in seriously,” she said. “But they literally have to understand that this is their war … I just hope we have enough time for them to kind of do something.”

Trump’s new foreign policy mantra is becoming clear, according to one Washington Post columnist: “Screw the rest of the world, allies and adversaries alike.”

TOP DOGE BAG

The “Department of Government Efficiency” has been slicing up the federal workforce for weeks now… and apparently Elon Musk isn’t even the real DOGEbag in charge. So who’s running the show?

No one! according to the White House.

Musk isn’t the leader of the made-up department — he’s not even technically an employee, according to a White House court filing from last night. “Like other senior White House advisors, Mr. Musk has no actual or formal authority to make government decisions himself,” the filing reads.

Awesome, love the transparency. This twist comes as DOGE continues firing thousands of federal employees and seeking access to taxpayers’ data. The quasi-real bureaucracy also forced out the Social Security Administration’s top official after she refused to give them access to millions of Americans’ sensitive data. Meanwhile, Musk is busy tweeting at Crooked’s Jon Favreau.

Federal workers who have been suddenly fired (for no legitimate reason) are feeling demoralized about what’s to come.

“It took me so long to even get here and get some modicum of what I thought was stability,” one Department of Energy worker, who was fired weeks after starting her job, told What A Day. “Now it feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me.”

Others are using the opportunity to rally the resistance: “Keep your heads up, do good where you can. Shine light on the injustices you see, and speak up even when circumstances are challenging,” one Environmental Protection Agency worker wrote in an email to colleagues after being fired, obtained by What A Day.

The email continued: “At the end of the day, no one can take away your spirit, your passion, and your dedication… your character. Godspeed. Good luck. We will get through this.”

Have you been affected by DOGE’s actions? Hit me up on Signal at 413-726-4767, or on email at whataday@crooked.com.

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WHAT ELSE?

Israel said it agreed to begin talks with Hamas about ending the war in Gaza. Hamas also pledged to release three living hostages as part of the ongoing cease-fire deal. These types of deals have fallen apart numerous times over the past year, but things seem more promising right now. (I hope?)

A top federal prosecutor in Washington D.C. resigned after she was ordered to investigate the Biden administration’s EPA for spending money on climate initiatives. Her departure follows an emerging trend of career attorneys — Republicans and Democrats — resigning after Trump officials asked them to take unethical actions for their own political ends. Man, you can’t even do corruption unimpeded anymore, because of woke!

The CIA has expanded the number of secret drone flights over Mexico, used to track drug cartels and hunt for fentanyl labs. The programs began under the Biden administration, according to the New York Times. We will do our best to keep these flights secret now that everybody already knows.

Thousands of U.S. soldiers have arrived at the southern border to stop the influx of migrants — but agents have only been apprehending about 50 people a day, much lower than the 5,000 migrants who would cross the border daily in 2023.

The president of New York University’s College Republicans club resigned after making a hilariously gentle criticism of fellow student Barron Trump, which rubbed other members the wrong way. Barron is “sort of like an oddity on campus,” she said. “He goes to class, he goes home.” The College Republicans national organization freaked out and called her comments “inappropriate.” Snowflakes, much?

Pope Francis reportedly doesn’t think he’s going to be around much longer, due to his latest hospitalization. He’s rushing to cement his legacy as a progressive pope, before his successor is chosen: The Trump administration has “already influenced European politics, they’d have no problem influencing the conclave,” a close observer of Vatican politics told Politico. “They might be looking for someone less confrontational.” We hope they don’t find anyone who fits that bill. Pope Francis 4evr.

The Trump administration pulled actress Julianne Moore’s book about a kid having freckles from schools… for no clear reason. “I can’t help but wonder what is so controversial about this picture book that caused it to be banned by the US Government,” Moore said. Freckles are now DEI!!!! “White people with freckles, welcome to the resistance,” one X user joked.

COMMUNITY BOARD

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A federal judge bashed a Trump DOJ lawyer today over the administration’s claims that service members who use pronouns of their choice hurt the military. “It is frankly ridiculous … If you want to get me an officer of the U.S. military who is willing to get on the stand and say that, because of pronoun usage the U.S. military is less prepared … I will be the first to give you a box of cigars.”

Paul Simon announced a new North America tour this year, after retiring from touring in 2018. YES!!!!!!!!! Art Garfunkel, I am formally inviting you to join him. Between Congress and this tour, 80-year-old men are really having a huge year.

A protein variant only found in humans may be the reason that we learned how to use language way back in the day, according to a new study. Okay cool, can I inject this gene into my cat, and then finally find out what he’s been trying to tell me? I have so many questions for him.

Grimace, the slightly unsettling purple McDonald’s monster, was spotted on Capitol Hill today. Sources tell me that Grimace is the real leader of DOGE. [Calculating equations on my whiteboard] It all makes sense now.

Actress and activist icon Jane Fonda has become a total sneakerhead, making her even cooler than she already is, somehow. Fonda, who’s 87 years old, also said she’s in the best shape of her life: “I’m much younger than I was when I was in my 20s, in all the ways that matter.” They really don’t make them any cooler than Jane.