TA #182: 🧟 The zombie test; 3 approaches to great writing

Image: Getty

Welcome to Issue 182 of Total Annarchy, a fortnightly newsletter by me, Ann Handley, with a focus on writing, marketing, living your best life. Was this email forwarded to you? You can subscribe here.

Sunday, March 2, 2025

Before we get started... So many of you wondered about the open rate of last week's newsletter. The Subject Line was a little spicy... so the open rate had to be off the charts, right...?

No! It wasn't! It was 50.9%, which is pretty much in line with any other issue's.

Are we oversexed? Or just over it? Who's to say.

Hello, spring chick!

Today is a good day to celebrate some refreshing sentences I've noticed sending tender shoots up from the hard, dry ground of the Internet.

Often that plot is over-fertilized with too much information. Blathering zombie voices. Sentences that shuffle around like they're overmedicated.

But every once in a while, I come across a sentence or two that feels delightfully alive. A flicker of life instead of hollow zombie eyes.

We'll explore why I love them. What we can discover from them. (And maybe add a tweak or two to make them EVEN. BETTER.)

Let's dig in:

I
"Cheers, cherished workers, to a weekend of whimsy well spent and a glorious week of work ahead. May its restoration fortify you, and may each task be met with merriment and verve." —Lumon Industries LinkedIn post

Why I love this: Yes, Lumon Industries is the fake company from Apple TV show Severance. It's already impressive that Apple TV+ marketers created a fake LinkedIn company page for the fake company.

But then Lumon goes and regularly belches forth posts with as much forced blather as any other insincere tech company. You can almost *feel* the under-inspired fake-marketer charged with Lumon social media. You can also *hear* the deep sigh when they wonder where they went fake-wrong in this fake-life when they took this godforsaken fake-job.

But that's not all!

Lumon's tone of voice is *chef's kiss* good. Its fake LinkedIn brand voice echoes the soul-crushing corporate-speak of the show with unnerving accuracy. With exceedingly positive, cheerful, optimistic, yet horribly tone-deaf messages, the Lumon LinkedIn promotes a sense of in-da-clerb-we-all-fam belonging. But of course... Lumon just seeks to control and exploit.

But I'm getting ahead of the story, aren't I? Let's talk about the specific use of language.

Cherished workers.
Weekend of whimsy.
Glorious week of work.
May each task be met with merriment and verve.

The use of verve—meaning vigor or enthusiasm—is particularly delightful, because the root of the word verve refers to a special talent in writing and literature. I'm feeling toyed with.

The passive voice of it, too: May be met with merriment and verve... which only serves to reinforce the weird, dead-eyed corporate-speak. Now I'm REALLY feeling toyed with.

Is the Severance LinkedIn satire? Is it social commentary? Is it an absurd portrayal of how we compartmentalize our work/personal lives?

Whatever. It's also great marketing. I weep at how perfect.

II
"With wisdom both ancient and new, we are called to reflect on the current challenges and opportunities posed by scientific and technological advancements, particularly by the recent development of Artificial Intelligence (AI)." —ANTIQUA ET NOVA: Note on the Relationship Between Artificial Intelligence and Human Intelligence, from the Vatican

Why I love this: The pope has weighed in on AI with astounding clarity.

It's full of historical references and modern ideas—ancient and new, high-brow yet accessible.

The Vatican calls it a Note, but I want to call it a Proclamation: It fearlessly calls for the responsible "stewardship" of AI in the face of those who are putting profits before ethics. 

However you might feel about the Catholic church, here the Vatican firmly comes down on the side of Team Human. You don't need to be a believer to appreciate the perspective.

Feast your eyes on this line, for example:

From the dawn of human self-reflection, the mind has played a central role in understanding what it means to be human.

Accessible, right? Clear as a church bell. And this line:

When [AI is] used in ways that respect human dignity and promote the well-being of individuals and communities, it can contribute positively to the human vocation. Yet, as in all areas where humans are called to make decisions, the shadow of evil also looms here.

Not the pope calling us out...? Yes. The pope calling us out.

Since we're joyfully rolling around in sentences here today... we have to talk about the use of language. I harp constantly on how to write in a way that, were you to cover up the logo, it would sound like it can come only from you.

With wisdom both ancient and new.
The shadow of evil looms.

Could it be more Vatican? I say nay, nay, dear friend.

(H/T to the fabulous Nick Parker.)

III
"Paper money can see its value evaporate if fiscal folly prevails." —Warren Buffett, Letter to Shareholders 2025

Why I love this: Most shareholder letters are dry as dust—with as much verve as an automotive manual reminding you to not overtighten the lug nuts.

The problem with using dull, unimaginative language is that your eye skips over it completely. Maybe you get the gist. But there's no swagger. No memorable point of view. Sentences shuffling around like they're overmedicated.

Warren's newest letter came out in February. At 94, Warren doesn't shuffle. Warren has swagger.

I like the charming paper money versus a more serviceable dollar.

But I really love this (say this out loud with me!): value evaporate if fiscal folly prevails.

Let it roll around in your mouth a little:

The repetition of the Vs: value, evaporate, prevail... feel that?

The beats of the Fs: fiscal folly.

It's music.
It has rhythm.
Swagger.

How I'd make this even better: If he'd tossed in a verve... I'd have lost it completely.

* * *

Concluding Thoughts

All of these sentences have sharp elbows that sentences need for muscling through the crowds of content and chatter and ChatGPT.

How do we muscle through? We need to remember what writing actually is: the ability to connect with one other person through our thoughts and ideas.

That's it. Full stop. It's not grammar. It's not even craft. It's about connection.

Words are not merely pixels pasted on a page. Words are our emissaries; they tell the world who we are. 

On their backs they carry our experiences and inspiration and knowledge gathered over a lifetime. However long that life has been so far.

I guess what I'm saying is this: May each word be crafted with merriment and verve. With wisdom both ancient and new.

EVERYBODY WRITES TIP OF THE WEEK

Dear Lumon Marketers: Avoid passive voice in your writing by using the "by zombies" test:

If you can add "by zombies" after the verb in a sentence and it still makes grammatical sense, it's passive voice. Rebecca Johnson, deputy director of the Marine Corps War College, devised it a few years ago.

Passive voice (can add "by zombies"):

• The white paper was written... (by zombies) ✓
• The village was destroyed... (by zombies) ✓
• May be met (by zombies) with merriment and verve ✓

Active voice (cannot add "by zombies"):

• I wrote the white paper... (by zombies) ✗
• They destroyed the village... (by zombies) ✗
• May you meet each task with merriment and verve... (by zombies) ✗

Passive voice isn't wrong. But active voice is zippier and (you know I'm going to say this...) HAS MORE VERVE.

IS MESSAGING THE NEW EMAIL? [SPONSORED]

There's lots of great guidance in Braze's latest Global Customer Engagement Review (CER) report.

But this stopped me in my scroll: Messaging apps may be becoming the new email, with 43% of marketing execs saying they're exploring apps like WhatsApp and LINE.

Source: Braze CER

Driving the trend are marketers who are looking to connect personally with customers: 85% are worried their messages are missing the mark.

Yet those who worry the most are doing the best: 60% of brands exceeding their revenue goals said they were "extremely concerned" about connecting with customers. Messaging is playing a role in that, Braze says in its report. (The 5th annual!)

The emotional investment and customer obsession pay off—which is anecdotally true. We know this. But here's the data, folks.

Lots more where this came from—including a peek at what smart brands like Panera and Tonies are doing differently to slay at customer experience.

>>> GET INSTANTLY SMARTER HERE <<<

DEPARTMENT OF SHENANIGANS

Go ahead and try to delete your account.

📆 MARKETINGPROFS B2B FORUM: IT WILL SELL OUT...

Photo: Chris Brogan

The MarketingProfs B2B Forum is unlike any other marketing event you'll attend this year. Here is a recap.

And here are some smart takeaways from last year's B2B Forum.

Don't miss out! We will sell out—so grab your front-row seat while you're thinking of it, mmkay?

Details here.

P.S. Can't wait to see you there!

Thanks for reading this far.

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🫡 See you March 16!

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