The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

BRIEF AUTHOR: People might be down for a movie with an intermission, but they want a novel they can blaze through in an afternoon. Only one of the 13 books nominated for the International Booker Prize for fiction translated into English is over 300 pages.

NAME LAWYER: A Nebraska father is still trying to change his two-year-old daughter’s name from “Unakite Thirteen Hotel” after it was added to her birth certificate as a placeholder.

Personal

ISO SEED: The Svalbard Global Seed Vault, which holds more than 1 million seed samples from around the world in case of a doomsday scenario, added 14,022 new seeds during its first of three openings this year. The trail mix in that place must go so hard.

AD ANGUISH: A court in India ruled in favor of a moviegoer who sued a theater saying it played too many ads before the film, which delayed the movie start time and messed up his whole day. The theater was ordered to pay the plaintiff $320 in damages in addition to regulatory fines.

LOST TOILET: An 18-carat gold toilet was stolen in less than five minutes from Blenheim Palace, the mansion where Winston Churchill was born. The toilet, insured for $6 million, was titled “America” and satirizes excessive wealth. Who’s laughing now?

For Sale

RETICENT RECORD: A new album was released with contributions from 1,000+ legendary musicians like Kate Bush and Annie Lennox. The album isn’t full of remixes or unrecorded bangers—it’s completely silent as a protest to proposed British AI laws.

STEVE’S RUGS: If you want to roll out the red carpet, you have to talk to Steve Olive. He has been making custom rugs and the iconic red carpets for Hollywood events for the last three decades.—MM

Luigi Mangione, the alleged assassin of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, caused a stir at his pretrial hearing this week by appearing in loafers and shackled bare ankles. The fashion choice of no socks created a level of thirst rarely seen in any courtroom setting. One person on X responded to the photo with, “They are making me sweat.”

Mangione’s popularity has reached a point where his defense team has asked fans to limit the number of photos they send him to five at a time during his stay at a federal prison. They also included a subtle reminder to think carefully about the type of images fans send: “Please note that every photo that is received is screened and reviewed by law enforcement.”—DL

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even fight microplastics with berries.

‍ Sending dirt to the ISS could make astronauts healthier. A sterile work area isn’t always best: The International Space Station is so clean that it’s largely missing the naturally-occurring microscopic organisms found in soil and water that help create a healthy microbial environment, according to a new study published in the journal Cell. The lack of microbial diversity on the ISS may explain why rashes, cold sores, fungal infections, and other immune-related health problems are common among astronauts stationed there. But introducing organic matter to the ISS with the intention of making it dirtier will have to be done carefully, a biologist not involved in the research cautioned. “I don’t want parasites and fungi up there,” Dr. Odette Laneuville said.

Antioxidants may help protect us from microplastics. The compounds that give fruits, vegetables, and flowers their bright hues appear to stave off some of the ill effects that microplastics have on reproductive systems, according to new peer-reviewed research. After exposing mice to materials that mimicked the disease impact of microplastics, researchers treated them with antioxidants called anthocyanins, which were found to improve sperm count and help protect the rodents’ testicular and ovarian functions from damage. They say this makes anthocyanins a “promising candidate” for developing fertility treatments to counter human exposure to microplastics, which is also linked to inflammation, heart disease, and cancer.

Custom pancreatic cancer treatment shows promise. Oncologists at Memorial Sloan-Kettering may have just made a breakthrough in treating one of the world’s deadliest cancers. In a trial of a new mRNA vaccine administered alongside immunotherapy and chemotherapy, eight out of 16 early-stage pancreatic cancer patients showed strong positive responses, and only two of those eight saw their cancer return within ~3 years after treatment. Pancreatic cancer typically comes back within a year, on average, for patients who only get chemotherapy and surgery. A German biotechnology company produced each patient’s individualized mRNA vaccine based on samples of their tumors in just nine weeks, including international shipping.—ML

President Donald Trump wants to put the green back in “green card.” This week, he announced plans to grant permanent residency with a citizenship pathway to deep-pocketed foreigners willing to hand Uncle Sam $5 million—an immigration option he dubbed the “gold card.”

The idea of doling out green cards for greenbacks is not new: The US already has the EB-5 visa, a program that gives international investors and their immediate family members green cards if they invest at least $800k into a US business that creates 10 full-time jobs. And dozens of countries offer similar investment-immigration programs, including sought after destinations like Austria, Switzerland, and Greece.

But the gold cards are different: Aspiring Americans would pay $5 million directly into federal coffers as opposed to investing in a US business. That is a steep entry fee, especially when weighed against dozens of cheaper golden visa or citizenship options around the globe:

• Italy offers a path to permanent residency in exchange for investing as little as $260,000 in a local startup.
• A relatively humble investment of $62k is enough for permanent residency in the European Union nation of Latvia.

Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said that the gold cards will roll out in two weeks, while deriding EB-5 visas as lacking proper oversight and yielding dubious results. Lutnick joined Trump at a press conference to tout the $5 million fee as boosting government revenues and helping to reduce the deficit, while infusing the economy with jobs and taxes paid by Forbes list newcomers.

But the gold card would be an unprecedented experiment, and there are questions swirling about the plan’s legality and how it would differ from the status quo system for welcoming moneyed migrants.

How do rich foreigners currently become Americans?

The EB-5 visa was devised to stimulate the economy, and allows foreign investors to commit less cash if they invest it in a rural or high-unemployment area. Applicants often end up stuck in bureaucratic limbo, according to the conservative Cato Institute, which had proposed a program similar to Trump’s gold card in the past.

• The approval process for the EB-5 can take up to 5 years, as it takes the government time to review the business plan, and the program has a 9,940 visa per year cap.
• There is currently a backlog of 14,000 EB-5 applicants waiting for permanent residency status because the share of the green cards issued yearly is limited to 7% per country. China is by far the biggest source of millionaires aspiring to become Americans.

Plus, the nonpartisan Congressional Research Service said in 2021 that giving investors green cards carried potential for fraud. Some EB-5 investments have previously been found to be going towards shady schemes that violate the program’s requirements.

However, there’s evidence the EB-5 program does bring economic benefits to Americans. The government estimated that it attracted $5.8 billion in foreign investments and helped create an estimated 174,000 jobs in 2012. Immigration law experts say that Trump would need Congressional approval to axe or modify the program, which Lutnick suggested he wants to reform.

Will there be takeup for gold cards?

Immigration attorneys told CNBC that they’re already getting calls from the world’s ultrawealthy inquiring about it.

Trump mused that the US might sell millions of gold cards—including to US companies looking to relocate top talent from abroad—which would generate trillions in revenue for the federal government. That’s an ambitious goal given that there are currently 277,000 people worldwide with a net worth of at least $30 million who are not already living in the US, according to CNBC. Based on the current interest in the EB-5 program, skeptics think it's more likely golden visas will attract a few thousand applicants a year.

Aside from the $5 million upfront cost, American permanent residency typically comes with unique strings attached that might give applicants pause. Many affluent foreigners are now reluctant to apply for the EB-5 program since green card holders are required to pay taxes on income earned abroad.

Big picture: A record 134,000 millionaires moved countries last year, according to high net worth immigration firm Henley and Partners.—SK

Apologies up front—unless you’re a nominee, presenter, or have received an invitation due to your contributions to the film industry, tonight’s Academy Awards ceremony is less a “place to be” and more a “place to watch from afar.” That doesn’t mean you can’t feel like you’re at the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles with all those beautiful people, thanks to the power of imagination.

To get you ready to be the “fun fact” person at your Oscars party, here’s what to know about tonight’s show:

When does it start? There’s a red carpet show at 6:30pm before the ceremony begins at 7pm ET. Both will air on ABC and stream live on Hulu.

Who is hosting? Conan O’Brien has the gig for the first time. Unlike last year, when the show actually ran short, O’Brien is taking the stage with extra material just in case.

How will the show handle the wildfires? A producer told The Hollywood Reporter that the opening is a “love letter” to Los Angeles and will include a “very poignant film” that celebrates the city and its people.

Do I hear Ron Swanson’s voice? Yes, that’s because Nick Offerman is the announcer.

What’s different about the musical numbers? The Academy is moving away from live performances of the best original song nominees. Instead, there will be music from Queen Latifah, Doja Cat, Cynthia Erivo, and Ariana Grande.

Who is going to win? Anora is a slight favorite for best picture. Adrien Brody and Timothée Chalamet appear to be in a duel for best actor. But based on the anonymous voters who said they didn’t watch all the nominated films or lacked fundamental knowledge about the career of nominee Ralph Fiennes, there’s really no telling who will leave with a statuette.—DL