Hi friends—

Hope all is well,

Psychologists have confirmed that we’ve been feeling more nostalgic since lockdown. Down to a mixture of having more time to think and grieving for our past freedoms, we may find ourselves listening to old songs from our adolescence, looking through old photo albums, or even looking up an ex friend or boyfriend online. We are also now suddenly haunted by our own memories in a new way via Timehop or Facebook memories. Seeing these ‘throwbacks’ suddenly holds a bit more weight.

Here’s you in 2010, in a noisy sweaty bar with your best friends! Here’s you, in 2009, with an awful haircut on public transport without a mask on. Here’s you, in 2008, when you didn’t realise eyebrows were a thing! Of course memories bring so much joy, but I also find myself lying in bed, triggered by them, thinking all about my past mistakes too — wondering why I did what I did at the time. Why on earth did I wear that? Say that? Do that?

Sometimes we can struggle to recognise our past selves. It can be jarring, because you can feel so different now. You can look at a photo and feel as though you’re looking at someone else. It’s normal to cringe at your past self, your past work. It’s why we roll our eyes at feminist books from 2014 (like Lean In — I don’t want to Lean In, Sheryl, I want to lie down), or why people try and ‘cancel’ celebrity tweets from even five years ago. Things become outdated so quickly.

I’ve been engaging with Rob Bell’s work recently, as his new book Everything Is Spiritual has been released. In a talk of the same name, he said this:

“Hundreds of millions of cells are dying in your body every hour, and giving birth to NEW cells to replace those cells that have died. Your body, several billion times a day, is going through a cellular process of death and re-birth. So, let’s say I met you 10 years ago, and then I were to meet you again today — most of your body will have replaced itself.”

Isn’t that mad? That we are — on a cellular level — completely different to ten years ago?

It’s comforting too. We get to start again.

He uses the made-up analogy of being given a boat as a gift from your uncle. And the floorboards need replacing so you replace them, then you replace the hardware, then you replace the sails. So even though the boat is now physically completely different — you will still say ‘my uncle gave me this boat’. Because the pattern, the sentiment, and the way it looks, is the same.

It’s same boat, but also not.

You’re the same you — but also not.

“You’ve changed” is sometimes said with a slight passive aggression. But of course we’ve changed. And we continue to. Pretty rapidly.

So, be kind to your past self. They were trying their best with what they had at the time. Just as you’re trying your best today.

Feel free to drop me a line with what you’d like to see more of in this newsletter at hello@emmagannon.co.uk.

Love,
Emma xo

What’s New on Ctrl Alt Delete Podcast?

Melissa Hemsley & I are raising money for Princes Trust & WomenSupportingWomen!

Things I’ve Consumed This Week:

— Being friends with people we don’t agree with
— Social isolation & our digital identities
— The pain of cinema closures isn’t just economic
— 12 Stories About the Science of Anxiety
— Why you should always read the acknowledgements in books
— Slowly emerging after a 3 week Sabbath
— Your Idea Doesn't Need to Be Original to Be Successful
— Trolls on 'dragging sites' can ruin lives
— That Tom Hollander day in a life
— Beyond the white male canon
— A TikTok house divided
— Nigella Lawson on solo lockdown

— Also.. I’ve been watching lots of Cheltenham Lit Fest livestreams on the #CheltLitFest iplayer — I did two events there last week! It was so fun being in front of an IRL audience again.

P.S. My book SABOTAGE: Quieten Your Inner Critic is available now!