Issue #72: I asked three doctors about those COVID-19 tests from Costco

December 9, 2020 // ISSUE #72

Hi y’all —

The first time I got a coronavirus test, it did not go well.

It was over the summer, in Florida. I’d flown home to see my family while case numbers were relatively low, and so I made an appointment to be safe. I drove alone in my mom’s minivan to the testing site, which coincidentally was located next to the fancy restaurant where I had my first-ever double date, and chugged a huge iced coffee on the way.

Then I had to sit in line for two hours. It was like 100 degrees outside, I was sweating through my mask, and 40 ounces of iced coffee were charging through my system. I was miserable. I got sunburned. I listened to the radio play “I Hope” by Gabby Barrett featuring Charlie Puth a dozen times.

Thankfully, testing has evolved since then. I read recently that I don't need to visit a doctor to get tested for COVID-19 — for under $150, I can buy a diagnostic test to do largely in the privacy of my own home. Even Costco is selling them.

But are they legit? Should I spend money on a home collection coronavirus test?

First things first: Under the Families First Coronavirus Response and CARES acts, COVID-19 tests are supposed to be free (admittedly, there have been reports of people being billed). No-cost tests are available at pharmacy chains like CVS Health, Rite Aid, Walgreens and Walmart as well as community centers throughout the country.

Dr. Thomas Russo, professor and chief of the infectious diseases division at the University of Buffalo, told me he can see how a home collection test might be a good option if "you're in some sort of scenario where you're unable to get out of the house or testing is very challenging to get in your part of the world." It's also nice because I’m not going out into the world and potentially exposing other people to infection.

The FDA has greenlit nearly 300 tests through emergency use authorizations. The way most of these work is that customers order it one or two weeks before they need it. Upon receipt, they schedule a video call with a doctor, take the test on-camera and then ship the sample overnight to a lab. Results are promised in 12 to 48 hours once the lab gets the sample.

Although the FDA warns on its website that "no test is 100% accurate," its emergency use authorization process is rigorous. As a result, Michael Teng, an associate professor of medicine at the University of South Florida, said the products themselves "are very good." The clinical labs evaluating samples collected at home are held to high standards, too.

"It's not like these tests are fly-by-night operations. They're actually reasonable," Teng says. "As long as you've followed instructions, taken the sample right and put it in the pouch or whatever solution necessary, the test is going to be as good as a diagnostic test is.”

Taking a coronavirus test without leaving my house may be convenient, but it's not without its risks.

The first is that I might not collect my sample right. To put it bluntly, I may be less likely to stick a Q-tip super far up my nose than a nurse might. Having an on-camera consultation mitigates some of this risk, but I still have to follow the instructions closely. (These directions, for example, advise people to not eat, drink, smoke or chew gum for 30 minutes before collecting their saliva.)

Another, bigger challenge is that diagnostic tests only speak to what's happening at a single point in time. If I test positive and/or are showing symptoms, of course, I know to change my holiday plans. But testing negative doesn't necessarily mean I won't test positive in the near future.

I could be asymptomatic. I could be pre-symptomatic. I could have a low level of infection that's not detectable at that moment in time. I could have messed up the collection of the sample. As WIRED points out, I could contract the virus while traveling.

It's just a snapshot.

"I worry about people going and taking a test [and saying], 'Oh, I'm negative so I can go and do whatever I want,'" Teng says. "It's not a get-out-of-jail-free card."

Joseph Petrosino, chairman of Baylor College of Medicine's molecular virology and microbiology department, pointed out that home collection tests face a delay just like pharmacy tests do. And I still have to quarantine for the duration.

Because of this, Petrosino told me to weigh testing options around me before buying a home collection COVID-19 test. If I can easily go to a pharmacy or drive-thru test site, that might be easier and quicker than ordering a kit. Petrosino said to also consider the timeline. How long will it take for the test to reach my mailbox? How long will it take to reach the lab? How long will it take to get the results?

THE BOTTOM LINE

(but please don't tell me you scrolled past all of my hard work)

If I have the money and time, it’s fine to buy an FDA-authorized home COVID-19 test. But I can also get one for free. Also, I should remember that testing is only one part of the pandemic puzzle.

"Masks, hand-washing, social distancing and avoiding large gatherings, particularly indoors, are all important as we await the promise of effective vaccines to help things return to normal," Petrosino says.

via GIPHY

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RECEIPT OF THE WEEK

check out this crazy celebrity purchase

via Instagram

Singer Missy Elliott randomly bought a fan a wedding dress for $1,300 last month. Elliott chipped in when the fan tweeted a plea for financial help. “Your Dress is paid for now,” Elliott wrote (caps hers). “I don't know you but I saw you said the dress of your dreams & figured I would help … May Blessings pour on your Beautiful Wedding Day with your Future husband.” If she’s not careful, this generosity is going to bring all the boys to the yard.

INTERNET GOLD

five things I'm loving online right now

1	Have you ever seen a résumé for a dog? Now you have.
2	Breaking news: The marmot population on Vancouver Island, once devastated by dehabitation and climate change, has officially bounced back! Also, apparently there’s a guy whose job it is to monitor marmot cameras all day. “After years of study, he still gets a kick out of watching the highly social, fuzzy, chocolate brown critters laze on rocks, munch the alpine vegetation or alternately tussle or boop noses with one another,” the story reads. “‘There’s no doubt about it, they are unbearably cute,’ said Taylor.”
3	I’m obsessed with this Game Boy version of Among Us, even though its very existence is an impostor.
4	Miley Cyrus’ new album is no Breakout, but it’s still pretty darn good. I especially like “Plastic Hearts” and “Bad Karma.” Started from East Northumberland High, now we here.
5	The BBC recently released its library of 16,000 sound effects for public use. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do with “sound of radar echoes from the moon,” “rowdy crowd at boxing match with occasional booing,” “man drinking bucket of cold cocoa” or “one horse departs with small cart on a cobbled surface,” but it’s nice to have on hand for when inspiration strikes.

401(K)ITTY CONTRIBUTION

send me cute pictures of your pets, please

via Teddy Alfrey

Meet Seamus, a seal point mitted ragdoll. Seamus prefers to swat toys, not swab his nose for COVID-19.

Time for another iced coffee.

See you next week.

Julia

P.S. Next week’s newsletter will be the last of the year! It’ll be all reader submissions, so please send your BEST, SMARTEST, MOST AMAZING money tip to julia.glum@money.com or @SuperJulia on Twitter.

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Issue #72: I asked three doctors about those COVID-19 tests from Costco

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