Pandemic Dating Turned Me Into a Teenage Adult

If you’re single in a pandemic, there will come a time when it feels like you’re edging toward your former life. You will take your best shoes out of the cupboard and walk unsteadily, as if they’re borrowed from your mother. And as you wobble into the New World, you will realize you are eternally changed in ways you could never have anticipated. So you will write it all down, trying very hard not to forget what happened in the last year. And it will, when you look back, probably read like this.

If you’re single in a pandemic, you will vow and fail to acquire the following: inner peace, abs, the French language.

If you’re single in a pandemic, months of isolation will pass, and you will wonder: If I could hold anyone now, just for a minute, who would I choose? “I wish I could hold you as a baby,” you will text your best friend. “Are u OK?” she will immediately reply.

A settlement is about to shield members of the Sackler family from civil litigation regarding their alleged roles in the opioid crisis — watch the full video of Richard Sackler’s deposition. Imagine being offered $1.5 million to have your picture taken and blowing it off … stars, they’re just like us! Apparently there’s an animated series spoofing the British royal family (other than The Simpsons and Family Guy, that is). Remember the jetpack guy? Well, he’s back. They’ll ban anyone from Instagram for a $60 fee, but restoring an account? That’ll cost thousands. The first teaser for American Crime Series: Impeachment is here. And there’s an alarming number of stories coming out about fake vaccination cards.

It happened this week — let’s talk about it. Sign up for My Week in New York: a new newsletter from the editors.