Most days, I take the dogs for a walk in the morning. We leave the house by around 9am (sometimes earlier) and I make sure they have the right equipment, that I bring treats and a ball, and we stay out for a long enough time. We see their friends, I let them play, we might do a bit of training and at the end, I take them into some woods where there’s a stream, so they can have a drink.

All in all, I meet their needs by 10am.

Here they are, the brutes:

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Meanwhile, it’s likely I’ve not showered, I might have been checking emails and Instagram while on the walk, not had a glass of water, and be worrying about something to do with work.

AKA not meeting my own needs at all.

I’m sure it sounds familiar. And it might not be dogs for you - it could be kids, a partner, a family member, another pet, or, as freelancers, clients. There is a world of other people’s and thing’s needs we put before our own, and I think it’s time we tried to re-evaluate that.

All this came to my mind after interviewing artist Boo Paterson for the podcast. She spoke about meeting our own needs, and how integral it is to our wellbeing, mental health and even our survival. You can listen to the full episode here.

“If you’re allowing your boundaries to be traversed, you’re not having your needs met, are you? My main advice is to keep in mind: ‘Am I meeting my needs?’. And if you’re stressed out of your box, and you’re unhappy, then no, you’re not meeting your needs.”

Her episode has stuck so much with me, I want to expand on it for this final newsletter of 2021. If there is one thing we do for ourselves as the year comes to an end, and we look towards the ‘holiday season’, Christmas, and what we might like as gifts, let’s think about meeting our own needs as business owners, and the positive impact that might have.

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Here are some suggestions:

Stop posting on social media if you are exhausted. If you feel you can’t resist, turn off notifications or remove the app from your phone.

Have a rest - this also comes up in this Friday’s podcast with Steve Folland and Frankie Totora of Doing it For the Kids. Rest is underrated. Make time for it. Actually, I’ve just been lying on the bed with the dogs after an evening walk, before coming to edit this newsletter. I had my head on Roger’s belly, feeling his heart beat. Flo sighed a bit, and it was a glorious ten minutes of relaxation.

Drink water - I’m TERRIBLE at this. I make sure the dogs have water all the time. But myself? Not so much. It’s a need I need to meet more often.

Set your out of office - this can really help your business, too. Don’t say you’ll get back to them if you don’t think you will. Maybe just say ‘I’m not on email today' and leave it at that. Or add links to your website or newsletter.

Decline party invitations… this is probably easier at the moment, with covid rules changing all the time, but it can be hard to socialise if you’re exhausted or worried. Politely saying you can’t make it is fine.

Or… Say ‘it’s G&T!’ when it’s water on a zoom party call if you want to avoid the booze.

Plan, but with limits. The minute planning becomes stressful, you aren’t meeting your needs any more.

Put the heating on - this is another one that came up in the chat with Boo.

Say no to additional client work! “People have more respect for you, ultimately, if you just say no,” Boo says in the podcast. “Never apologise, never explain, that’s what Americans say. That’s one of the chapters in my book, how to say no to people. You can say it with a smile - there are other ways to be polite about it, but don’t say sorry.”

This now feels a bit like ‘how to be a puppy’ is the real subject line! But, well, it sort of is. Meet your own needs the way you meet those of others, and you’ll be on the right path. Think of yourself as a dog, or a child, who needs water, rest, comfort and kindness, rather than the person who has to keep going at all costs.

Read, listen, subscribe (and a couple of other things since it’s the last newsletter of the year)

Read: Falling off the Ladder by Helen Hill is a new book all about finding your place in the career world. She came on the podcast to chat about that and give her advice. Ooh, she has a new newsletter, too! Find everything at fallingofftheladder.com

Listen: I’ve been enjoying Gabby Logan’s The Midpoint, especially the episode with Andrew Cotter.

Subscribe: The Dunker is the new newsletter from Sophie Cross at Freelancer Magazine (the mag featured Freelance Feels this issue, too!). Sign up via freelancermagazine.co.uk

Christmas quiz: The Being Freelance Christmas Quiz is on December 14th - join the Being Freelance Community and the details are in there!

Congrats to… Louise at The Homeworker for a visit to the House of Lords for Small Biz 100!

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Freelance Feels in the media…

I’ve chatted to quite a few journalists this month! First up was Jen Barton-Packer for AllBright, on breaking free of the 24/7 work culture we seem to be increasingly finding ourselves in. Abi Jackson at PA asked me about the leap to self-employment, and the realities of it, which I loved talking about and was published on Independent.co.uk Techround featured my tips on going freelance and I chatted to Gigger UK about my freelance life.

If this seems like a lot and you’re thinking ‘WTF how did she do that?’ then you can pick my brains in a workshop I’m running next week on being a media-friendly expert and getting your business in the press in 2022. It’s on December 9th, and tickets are £29.99.

I’m also running ‘Finesse your freelance CV’ on December 17th. Tickets are £15

Coming up in January… (and you can book these now)

Journo Mojo: Five weeks of focus for freelance writers begins on January 5th. Weekly group coaching video calls (on Zoom) to chat about writing and life, as well as a one-hour individual coaching session (worth £120), weekly worksheets and challenges. It’s £450, including VAT. Find out more at freelancefeels.com/journomojo

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Relight Your Freelance Fire: Group coaching for the self-employed. This includes a 45-min one on one session. If you book Freelance Fire in reply to this newsletter today, I’ll up that to a full hour’s one on one. I run this with a maximum of 5 people, so places are limited, and it costs £250 (incl VAT). Reply to this email before midnight requesting to book January’s freelance fire. freelancefeels.com/relightyourfreelancefire

Individual coaching: I have January availability for new coaching clients, at the current price of £450 for six sessions with email contact inbetween if booked by 31st December 2021. Prices will change in the new year as I am close to ICF accreditation so if you are on the coaching fence, now might be the time for a discovery call!

CV in 3: A new offering! A lot of freelancers don’t have a CV - and many of us aren’t sure where to start. Either that, or we have a very dusty out of date one! From format to words, links and photos/logos to bigging yourself up, there’s a lot to consider. After helping numerous friends with their CVs, I’ve decided to launch a CV coaching service, 'CV in 3', where we spend time going through not just the content but the feels of your CV. You send me it in advance so I can bring some initial thoughts to the first meeting. We then schedule three hours at times to suit you, where we bring your CV up on a shared screen and work on it together (and you also work on it in between). I don’t re-write it for you, I don’t tell you what you have to have on there (I like a photo, but you might not!). CV in 3 uses coaching to help you decide what should really be on your CV and why.

CV in 3 costs £375 (incl VAT), or if you add in an extra hour where we do the same with your social media bios (and feels about them), it’s £500 (incl VAT). If you’d like to know more, reply to this newsletter and we can set up a call.

And.. that’s it! Thank you as always for reading. I hope you all manage to meet your needs this festive period!

xJenny