Wow, Spotify is really feeling itself. Below is the story of my year via #spotifywrapped…

2021 Wrapped on Spotify

This year was a real ding dong bing banger.

Ready to get all piggy with it? Oink oink! 🐽

Your Wrapped is here.

And…action! Let’s roll! Or to our Hispanix friends: Vámonos!

If 2021 was a movie, you were the main character because you’re a big ol’ narcissist and it’s all 👏 about 👏 you 👏. It’s okay, we’re a multinational corporation seeking to maximize profits yet here we are acting like this is a group text between old friends so, y’know, l’chaim! (And Happy Kwanzaa and Indigenous Peoples' Day too. #corporationsthatlove #stophate ✋🏾✋🏼)

And what’s a movie without a soundtrack? It’s art house crap for dorks who enjoy subtitles. Screw that. 

The opening credits theme: An anti-vaccine rant by some guy you met at a conference once who does his “research” on YouTube and now hosts a podcast. 🎙

The song playing as you face-off against your rival dance-crew: Something by Taylor Swift, probably. Also, why are you in a dance crew? 👯‍♀️ And why does your dance crew have rivals? Maybe tone down your aggro moonwalk moves, playa.

The song playing as your proclaim your love in the rain: “Back That Ass Up (Remix)” 🔙 🍑 by Juvenile Feat. DMX, Jay-Z, Ja Rule, Missy Elliot, and Elon Musk.

In 2021, you did what you had to do. You became a shut-in with two jobs who loves wearing sweatpants all day. Wait, let’s reframe that: You’re now a remote worker with a side hustle who loves wearing athleisure! Way to go! We lululove it!

You got really into essential oils and composting and taking Lexapro. 💊 Completely normal.

You spent 27,558 minutes listening to The Voices in Your Head. 

That’s more than 80% of other people who hear Voices in Their Heads in the United States. 🗣🧠

This section is where we make fun of NFTs even though we’re totally the kinda people who are into NFTs. You’re broke though so let’s just move on.

You had one song on repeat. Your top song of the year was “Masters of War” by Bob Dylan. ⚔️ Ugh, you’re such a bummer.

You played it a very reasonable 653 times. As is your right. But honestly, lighten up.

But that wasn’t the only thing rattling around your mind…

Here were your top follows on social media based on the cookies we use to follow you around the internet:  

#1 Your ex (They seem really happy now, don’t they?)

#2 Your therapist

#3 Some girl in a bikini 👙 who wants to “sex you” on WhatsApp 

#4 That guy you met at a wellness event who’s either extremely enlightened or suffering from severe trauma

#5 A pair of Oakley sunglasses 🕶

You deserve a playlist as long as your skincare routine. Because your skin is awful! Have you considered a dermatologist? It could be time for some Botox. Click here to receive a Groupon deal on a dermatologist close to you.

In a year like 2021, even your mind gets a vibe check. 

It’s time to unveil your mind aura.

Entering Wrapped: Multidimensional Mode. What’s that mean? No one knows. Just go with us. It’s a VR/AI/gaslighting-your-cerebellum kinda thing.

Your mind aura is Prince Harry Talking To Oprah.

Your top moods are angry and desperate. (All the better to monetize you with my dear. 💰)

You always understood the assignment. You follow orders. Good soldier! You’ll be an excellent Manchurian candidate once we start telling you whom to assassinate, but haha we’d never do that (until Palantir finalizes the contract). ☢️

You listened to 118 different genres this year. But we would’ve been proud even if you exclusively listened to Construction Jackhammers.

Your favorite genres:

#1 Weird Jungle Animal Sounds 🦎

#2 Crypto bros telling you to HODL

#3 TikTok teens lip-syncing scenes from Gilmore Girls

#4 AMSR readings of Harry Potter

#5 Butt-dial voicemails from your dad

How well do you know you? We’re talking the 3am, popped a couple Vicodins, covered in a weighted blanket, music with no lights on you.

Let’s play two truths and a lie. Tap the false statement. 

• The person who appeared the most in your mind this year was Your College Buddy Who’s Now a Life Coach Despite Never Succeeding at Anything.

• Your #1 playlist of the year was Rants about chronic medical issues from your relatives. 

• They song you binge-listened to most was “Amish Paradise” by Weird Al Yankovic.

Share this story to see if your BFFs actually exist and so we can map your social network.  

There was one podcast that lived in your head, rent free, all year long.

Your top podcast was Steve Bannon's War Room Recaps HBO’s White Lotus. 🧘

You listened to 38 episodes for a total of 4,634 minutes

And yes, it’s totally normal to think of podcasters as members of your family. They are whispering in your ear constantly and that’s as close as you get to intimacy nowadays. Wait, where were you on January 6? J/K, we know because we track your whereabouts. Don’t worry, it’s our secret. 🤐

You listened to 1299 artists but things got pretty serious with one…

Your top artist was Omicrom.

You spent a total of 308,445 minutes worrying about it and just couldn’t get enough of asking, “Will This Ever End?”

You were in the .5% of their listeners this year. 💉

In fact, you found a lot to love this year.  

You can’t stop thinking about:

#1 Friends From College Who Earn Significantly More Than You

#2 Impostor Syndrome

#3 Our Slow Descent Into Authoritarianism

#4 Guys Wearing Necklaces 📿 Who Talk About Art Basel

#5 Repressed Childhood Trauma

How do we know all this? Don’t worry about it.

Thanks for making us a regular part of your descent into madness. Did you know that any pregnancy over the age of 35 is considered a “geriatric pregnancy?” Wild! 🐣

No go forth and proudly share your top-tier taste with your fake followers on Instagram.

Before we go: Are you a robot? 🤖 Which of these images contains a train? Do you accept the terms and conditions of this 35,034 word licensing agreement? Please confirm you think artists should be paid $0.00318 per stream. Actually, just click Yes on whatever we say. We got you, bruh. #thatsawrap #swedenrulez

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📺 “Get to the Joke” interview:

"Standup comedians and lawyers have a lot in common. We're getting up there and giving closing arguments, but our conviction is a punchline."

This might be the best interview I’ve ever done. Marc Staudenmaier did a ton of research and asked some great questions. If you want to hear my explain my comedy philosophy over a two hour Q&A, check it out.

There is no better way to wrap up this season that to sit down with comedy savant Matt Ruby…Matt doesn't hold back in this interview and gives great insight into his observant and topical joke writing. Matt talks about his experience with ayahuasca, seeking religion and traveling. Matt lets Marc peek inside his writing routine and how he expands upon a bit and takes a topical subject and makes it his own. Matt is the author of the popular Rubesletter and lets Marc in on how he comes up with such great content! Don't miss this interview if you are serious about getting better as a comic!

📺 “Suggested Selling” joke

A clip from my “Feels Like Matt Ruby” special/album.

🅼🅰🆃🆃 💎 🆁🆄🅱🆈 @mattruby

What if we said the parts in parentheses out loud? From my standup special/album "Feels Like Matt Ruby": buff.ly/2YgdlbR

December 6th 2021

2 Likes

👨🏻‍🎨 Just sold this for $75k at Art Basel!

rubymatt

A post shared by Matt Ruby (@rubymatt)

Up ahead for paid subscribers:

• Quickies about the metaverse, NFTs, and lockdown

• A killer app idea

• The perfect Rogan parody

• The truth about a classic Laurence Olivier/Dustin Hoffman dustup

• Deconstructing the best scene from Up

• A funny story involving Tom Petty, Rick Rubin, Bob Dylan, and George Harrison

• …and more!

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