She Dares To Say - #16: Authenticity Arena – No. 03
This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece. If you enjoy this project would like to support it, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 [Image description: Text ‘Authenticity Arena No. 01’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke highlighted segment] Almaz note: Please do listen to the audio extract, while simultaneously following the text transcription, as it makes for a richer experience. The audio recording (above) and transcript (below) represent seven-ish minutes from the middle of an hour-long chat I had with ‘D’, who’s a queer, Tamil, non-binary femme, who, at the time of interview in August 2021 was 27, partnered, and living in London. Almaz – 20:52mins ‘D’ – 21:19mins At 12 or 13, I found a Judy Blume book at my aunt’s house. It must have belonged to my cousins or something, and just flicking through it someone talked about touching themselves in their, like, magic place down there. Judy Blume was like, “That’s called masturbation.” And I was like, “Oh my god!”. And that was like a mind-blowing moment. I was like, “Who is this random white woman”… Almaz – 22:06mins ‘D’ – 22:06mins Then, in Year 9, in geography lessons, I sat next to this girl called [REDACTED]. Are you like… you’re changing names. Almaz – 22:30mins ‘D’ – 22:31mins Almaz – 22:31mins ‘D’ – 22:38mins But we were sat next to each other in, like, the seating arrangement. And I remember we didn’t really talk, or bond, or anything for, like, a good, like, month. I just wasn’t very interested in, like, making new friends. And then, I don’t know how we got onto, like, touching ourselves. Maybe, like, you know, as Year 9s do you were sort of, like, pushing boundaries with each other, like, telling some secrets. Or maybe it was like, you know, “Do you fancy anyone?” Almaz – 23:19mins ‘D’ – 23:20mins Almaz – 23:29mins Almaz – 23:52mins And I was like “Wow!” And we, like, really bonded. But it was, like, a type of bond where, like, we would speak, like, so in-depth, in, like, every geography lesson, for, like, a whole year. But outside of geography, we never, like, acknowledged each other. You know? So, I dunno, that’s quite a pivotal moment, I think, because that’s the first time that I was, like… I externally expressed something that I do that was sexual, and it wasn’t met with, like, you know, telling off… Almaz – 24:34mins ‘D’ – 24:34mins Then, the first time as an adult, where I, like, kissed someone and got fingered [scoffs] was when I first went clubbing. I think it was, like, in the first 10 minutes [scoffs]. I was hammered at Watford Area. Almaz – 25:00mins ‘D’ – 25:01mins Almaz – 25:18mins ‘D’ – 25:19mins But I felt that that was the goal. That was, like, something I aspired to, right? Like, I… And maybe that Judy Blume book, and [REDACTED], and like people in the club who also did that, allowed me to not have any shame about it. And, I don’t know… it was like a badge of honor to be like, “Oh, I was, like, warned by a bouncer in Area, like, to stop, like, touching people’s penises.” Do you know what I mean? Almaz – 26:01mins ‘D’ – 26:05mins Almaz – 26:09mins In school, the school that I went to – or the groups of people that I engaged with in school – there was no shame around sexual behaviour. [CONVERSATION CONTINUES FOR ANOTHER 30 MINUTES] [Image description: White speech box with black border shadows. Black text ‘As part of my research for my book, I’m running an anonymous online sexuality survey’. Dark orange text ‘bit.ly/ao_sexsurvey’. Black text ‘Anyone over 18 can fill it in, wherever you are in the world.’ Picture of coloured rectangles placed at angles with black border shadows. White text ‘Do you have guilt or shame around desire, sex or pleasure? Why/why not? Do you support compulsory sex and relationships education?’ on top rectangle] [Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 13 April. To receive this extra mailout, you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription. [Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’ on navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] Recent work: Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs. [Image description: Text ‘What we can all learn from polyamory? Challenging the cultural script around sex and relationships Sex Talks 05 Apri 13th, 6:30pm The London Edition’ on blurry image of a person’s face, with an orange border] Hosted at The London EDITION, 10 Berners Street, London W1T 3NP, this month’s Sex Talks session, hosted by presenter writer and founder of Her Hustle Emma-Louise Boynton, will unpick some of damaging cultural scripts around sex and relationships. Emma-Louise will be joined on stage by myself and Bronwyn Griffiths, aka ‘Fanny Minka’ of Sink the Pink, a queer polyamorous writer and performer and Nadine Noor Ahmad, aka ‘Nadine Artois’, DJ and co-founder of Pxssy Palace. 🥂 Tickets include a complimentary drink on arrival. She Dares To Say readers can get 20% off their ticket price by using the following discount code: ALMAZ20 Ticket link: eventbrite.co.uk/e/sex-talks-do-we-all-having-something-to-learn-from-polyamory-tickets If you enjoy this content and would like to support please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to also send a contribution via PayPal. You’re a free subscriber to She Dares To Say. For the full experience, become a paid subscriber. |
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#14: Authenticity Arena – No. 01
Friday, March 25, 2022
Listen now (8 min) | 'B', 32, queer, Greek (Caucasian), woman (cis), partnered, London
#15: Authenticity Arena – No. 02
Friday, March 25, 2022
Listen now | 'C', 31, gay, Mexican, non-binary, single, London
POSTSCRIPT: February 2022
Wednesday, February 9, 2022
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In which I reveal a new format for this newsletter...
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