Waking life: You read the same headlines I do... War crimes in Ukraine. Attacks in Afghanistan. Anti-Muslim violence in India. A systemic campaign against LGBTQ people, including kids, in the US. Airplanes full of people cheering because they're now free to endanger the lives of others. "No end to the grief." Another woman murdered by her boyfriend. Another Black man murdered by police. Bad news, bad news bad news.

Nightmares: See above.

Dreams: A hug from one of my favorite toddlers. Pulling clothes from a sumptuously appointed closet (whose? I'm not sure), again and again, in giddy anticipation of an unnamed event. The smiling face of a friend I haven't seen in person for many, many months. No grinding, no sweating. Just a light flutter beneath the lids.

My urge to retreat into the gooey subconscious has never been stronger. I'm grateful for writing fellow Autumn Fourkiller's Dream Interpretation for Dummies, in which Dear Abby meets Native Americana. (The first edition finds her interpreting Chloé Cooper Jones's visions of a shredded dress.) You know how they say that no one else is interested in your dreams? Well, that's demonstrably false because Autumn is eager to hear from you and offer some poetic insights. Send your dreams to sadboyhowdy@gmail.com.

Aditya Desai in Taco Bell Quarterly on the immigrant's condition: "You know such oppressive stereotypes are wrong, but you grab the whip and cling to it tightly, swinging from one temple outcropping to another, hoping perhaps this one,  no, maybe this one, will have the little golden treasure, a signifier of buried truth, whose ancient religious faith you can stow away in your knapsack and disregard for the sake of improving your fortunes in the modern world."

Mary Porto in Lux on school fundraisers: "Despite a global pandemic, kids, like the rest of us, must stay on their grind."

James Frankie Thomas in Astra on the Killers hit "Mr. Brightside": "What if the 2003 hit song is sad and gay?"

Eva Holland in The Walrus on her family's role in the poisonous legacy of a mining operation: "If he’d lived longer and learned more, would my grandfather have found his way to regret?"

Sophia Stewart in The Baffler on a communication scholar's study of speech disability. "The mouth is turned into 'an aperture between interior subject and external world,' as Sterne puts it. What are we to make, then, of a mouth that produces speech that is muffled, strained, or stuttered?"

Marsha Gordon in Pipe Wrench on movie-theater snacks as a way of understanding capitalism and control: "popcorn smuggling ran in my family."

And finally, Anne-Laure LeCunff in Ness Labs on building an anti-library. I can't stop thinking about this reframing of the dozens of unopened books on my shelves: It doesn't make me a poseur or a failure or a hoarder, but in fact someone who acknowledges the world's many unknowns and aspires to know them.

with apologies to more productive artists... this is how it feels some days:

12am - 4am - not dreaming of inspiring things to write about
5am - not waking up to write
6am - not greeting the day with a poem
7am - not drinking a cup of hot water with lemon
8am - not free-writing in our journal
9am - not loving the few sentences we've managed to type
10am - wordle
11am - not knowing whether to call it breakfast or lunch
12pm - not replying to emails
1pm - not writing but hey at least the google docs tab is open
2pm - not completing a 24-min yoga video
3pm - not knowing whether to call it lunch or a snack
4pm - quordle
5pm - not writing
6pm - definitely thinking about dinner
7pm - making dinner while listening to a podcast
8pm - dinner and Frasier
9-11pm - not reading the book that's open in our lap; scrolling instead
 

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Paying members, you gems! You support this independent media operation. I deliberately keep the minimum low (just $15/year) so you'll hopefully have some budget left to subscribe directly to other publications you care about. 

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I'm making deep, meaningful eye contact as I wait for you to reply with your theories.

Related: Marmalade.

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Independent media. I'm sad that Bitch is ceasing publication, but I'll say it: The publishing world has always been tough and fickle, and Bitch's run was longer than many feminist magazines. It's really, really difficult to make media independently. So instead of mourning, I'm redoubling my efforts to link to more publications that don't have the words "New York" in the title—and to tell you to read them directly. 

Here are some great indies that are still publishing:

Feminism & Gender: Lux, Liber Review, Salty, gal-dem, MEL, Riposte, Autostraddle, and of course The Gentlewoman
Culture & Politics: Astra, The Baffler, The Drift, Pipe Wrench, Mother Jones, The Fence
Literary: Catapult, Electric Lit, The Offing, LARB, The White Review
Food: Whetstone, Vittles, Gather, Lunch Lady, Cherry Bombe
Tech, Science, & Culture: Embedded, Orion, Dirt, Real Life, Aeon, Input
Local/Regional: Scalawag, Belt, Bitter Southerner, High Country News

Extra credit if you pick one or two and subscribe. I also recommend spending some time browsing MagCulture or Stack, which are total treasure troves.

Ed note: Today's email subject line is a Destiny's Child reference. There is no forthcoming Pt. 2.