No Grass in the Clouds

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7/19/2024
16 : 24

Why the, I Don't Know, 13th-Best Right Back in the World Could Win the Ballon d'Or

With the season officially over, I decided to take stock of the award that theoretically goes to the best soccer player in the world: [S]ome combination of Spain (Euro 2024 winner), Argentina (Copa
7/17/2024
16 : 24

How Not to Hire a Soccer Coach, Ft. the United States Soccer Federation

Thanks to all of you who respected my privacy in these dark times. Just know this: the Power Cube remains eternal. Anyway, back when the US hired Gregg Berhalter for a second time they released a
7/11/2024
6 : 23

OK, Fine: What Would Happen if the USMNT Hired Jurgen Klopp?

I wrote about a thing that isn't going to happen: With no wins from his first three matches, some fans and commentators begin to wonder whether Klopp actually "gets" American soccer.
7/8/2024
16 : 34

Why USMNT Needs Better Players and What You Missed from the Secret Transfer Window

Thiago Alcantara retired yesterday, at age 33. Fun fact about me: I'm 36. Another fun fact about me: I made my partner watch a highlight reel of Thiago on our sixth date. Another fun fact about me:
7/7/2024
21 : 4

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7/6/2024
19 : 44

Podcast app setup

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6/29/2024
19 : 34

Podcast app setup

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6/28/2024
14 : 14

How Good Is Lionel Messi? (Lol) And How Far is the USMNT from Argentina? (Also: Lol)

If you watched Fox last night from about 6 pm EST to 11:30 pm, then may God have mercy on your soul. Go for a walk across an entire tectonic plate, throw your phone into the nearest sewer, enroll in St
6/24/2024
20 : 24

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6/21/2024
16 : 54

A Lot of Things You May or May Not Want to Know about the Copa America

I'm back. Well, I never left — just slacked off on sending these emails out. Over the past few weeks, I wrote about Kylian Mbappe's move to Real Madrid, why the ESPN FC 100 is bad, how much
6/20/2024
9 : 4

Podcast app setup

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6/17/2024
15 : 24

Podcast app setup

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6/15/2024
15 : 54

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6/5/2024
19 : 14

Podcast app setup

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6/3/2024
11 : 24

How to Beat Manchester City

I wrote about the FA Cup final: Another path to victory might be through Jack Grealish. In some cultures, there's this concept of continuous stew: where you start with a stew and just continuously
6/3/2024
9 : 24

Behold, the USMNT Depth Chart

Ahead of a an international-tournament-filled summer, I looked at the USMNT's depth across every position in the starting XI. Apologies/congratulations if your favorite fringe player didn't/did
6/3/2024
8 : 24

(Almost) Every Player in the Champions League Final, Ranked

Would you rather have Dani Carvajal or Niclas Fullkrug? Luka Modric or Nico Schlotterbeck? I answered all of these questions that everyone is asking, and more, by ranking the top 30 players in the
6/3/2024
8 : 18

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5/21/2024
17 : 14

Can a Computer Rebuild Manchester United?

Humans have failed, over and over again, to create a competitive soccer team with all of Manchester United's money. What if we let a computer give it a whirl? I appointed AI as Manchester
5/19/2024
7 : 24

Podcast app setup

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