She Dares To Say - #18: Authenticity Arena – No. 04
#18: Authenticity Arena – No. 04‘E’, 33, straight, Mixed (white British and Arab), woman, (cis), partnered, London
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[Image description: Text ‘Authenticity Arena No. 04’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke highlighted segment] Almaz note: Please do listen to the audio extract, while simultaneously following the text transcription, as it makes for a richer experience. Almaz – 01:50mins ‘E’ – 01:50mins Almaz – 02:12mins ‘E’ – 02:512mins Almaz – 02:27mins Almaz – 02:30mins ‘E’ – 02:30mins Almaz – 02:51mins ‘E’ – 03:05mins Almaz – 03:38mins So that might happen with somebody who, you know, says to me, “Oh, do you want to go for a drink sometime?” And I’d be like, “[Wretches] No”, before I’d think, “Oh, it’d be so lovely to go and have a drink with them”. Almaz – 03:46mins So there was lots of, like, dragging along with him. So I, like, I was really, sort of, infatuated with him for, like, a good couple of years or so. But then I did, like, kiss him quite a lot. And but whenever I did, like, the next day, I’d be, like, “Disgusting. This is so gross.” Almaz – 04:34mins ‘E’ – 04:34mins I was like, “Okay, well, here we are now, we’re in the sex”. So, I’m also not really sure what let me open up… Almaz – 05:09mins ‘E’ – 05:09mins Almaz – 05:37mins ‘E’ – 05:37mins But I’m sure, actually, that didn’t help. Like, maybe the idea of having to explain if I stayed over at someone’s, like, having to explain… Almaz – 06:15mins ‘E’ – 06:15mins Almaz – 06:27mins ‘E’ – 06:27mins I used to have recurring nightmares as well. Where I would have to… I was in a play with Kevin Spacey. And we were playing lovers in the play, and we’d have to have sex on stage, and neither of us would want to have sex with each other. It’d have to be, like, real sex, and it’d be really horrible. And it was a recurring… Almaz – 06:56mins ‘E’ – 06:56mins Almaz – 07:08mins ‘E’ – 07:08mins Almaz – 07:17mins ‘E’ – 07:37mins Almaz – 07:47mins ‘E’ – 07:47mins So I think they, kind of, yeah, they probably knew… Almaz – 08:14mins ‘E’ – 08:14mins Almaz – 08:20mins ‘E’ – 08:20mins Almaz – 08:29mins ‘E’ – 08:29mins Almaz – 08:49mins ‘E’ – 09:03mins Because two of my best friends started relationships around the same time. So when they’re about 17. So they both just, kind of, lost their virginity around the same time. So I think I probably thought “Well that’s how I should be doing it.” And I wonder if I had friends who are less, like “This is how it should be”, whether I would have followed in that path. [CONVERSATION CONTINUES FOR ANOTHER 35 MINUTES] [Image description: White speech box with black border shadows. Black text ‘As part of my research for my book, I’m running an anonymous online sexuality survey’. Dark orange text ‘bit.ly/ao_sexsurvey’. Black text ‘Anyone over 18 can fill it in, wherever you are in the world.’ Picture of coloured rectangles placed at angles with black border shadows. White text ‘Do you have guilt or shame around desire, sex or pleasure? Why/why not? Do you support compulsory sex and relationships education?’ on top rectangle] [Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’ on a navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 11 May. To receive this extra mailout, you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription. [Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’ on navy blue background with a lilac paintbrush stroke] Recent work: For Lust Zine, the uncensored mag by Erika Lust, I interviewed Professor Kathleen Lubey, English Professor at St John’s University, New York, who teaches and researches in the fields of the British eighteenth century and the history of pornography. Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs. If you enjoy this content and would like to support please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to also send a contribution via PayPal. You’re a free subscriber to She Dares To Say. For the full experience, become a paid subscriber. |
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