I appreciate you.

I love that phrase. And I like how it’s become something people say to each other when they’re parting ways.

OK, not most people. It’s usually black dudes who say it to each other. Because here’s what’s likely to happen if you try saying “I appreciate you” after a conversation with a middle-aged white dude:

You: “I appreciate you”
Old white guy: “Uhhhhh…buh bye.”
You: “Just wanted you to know I feel gratitude for our friendship and for you as a human being.”
Old white guy: “Um, ditto.”
You: [moves in for hug]
Old white guy: [extends hand for handshake]

mattrubycomedy

A post shared by Matt Ruby (@mattrubycomedy)

Because my people (i.e. bald, white, 40+) are used to repressing stuff like that. We were taught it’s not manly to express gratitude and admiration in this way. Vulnerability = weakness. So we push it down, the same way we push down other things that make us feel sad, anxious, lonely, etc. We redact ourselves.

But pushing stuff down doesn’t make it disappear. Instead, it stews around inside us until it manifests as back pain, high blood pressure, or an intense desire to storm the Capitol.

OK, fine. I did ayahuasca again this weekend (wrote about a previous journey here and my first time doing it here). My big takeaway from this trip: Give people honest praise. Make it a practice. Tell people in your life why you admire them, the things you think they do well, etc.

Don’t wait, as soon as the notion strikes you, mention it. You look great in that hat. You’re an amazing dancer. I can see your parents are really proud of you. Your brain works in really creative ways. The only thing is you need to mean it; but hey, you like/admire/notice positive things all the time so that shouldn’t be too hard.

Because one of the things people want most in life is to be noticed, praised, and admired in an honest way, especially by people who know them well. Our obsession with gifts is kinda crazy when you think about; we keep buying stuff when what people want the most in life is free.

All that physical stuff won’t matter in the end. What will matter is the people who were by your side as you journeyed through life and how they felt and made you feel. We think the physical stuff is real and the feelings are ephemeral, but the truth is stuff is ephemeral and the feelings are all that will endure.

We spend so much time trying to figure out how to break into the bank. We think we need to crawl beneath the lasers and explode holes in the wall. Yet the door’s been wide open all along. It’s just waiting for you to walk through it.

That’s what the jungle wanted me to tell you. Thanks, jungle. And thanks to you for reading this newsletter. I appreciate you.

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Shows

Speaking of appreciation, every Misguided Meditation show begins with everyone in the room sending out a text to someone they love or admire saying something nice. The next one is Sunday, June 12 in NYC if you want to come. Can’t make it? Feel free to send a nice text to someone you dig anyway.

NYC • Jun 12
Misguided Meditation with Matt Ruby
Tickets/info here
$5 off with code “breathe”

A COMEDY SHOW ABOUT MINDFULNESS, PSYCHEDELICS, THERAPY, MEDITATION, & DEATH. PLUS 1 HOUR OPEN BAR, SOUNDS, & VISUALS. Misguided Meditation is a comedy show about the mindfulness journey of comedian Matt Ruby. It's about death, therapy, psychedelics, meditation, and way more. Plus, there's a live ambient soundscape and visuals. Along the way, Matt offers hard-earned wisdom, discusses the thorniness of the mindful life, pokes fun at woo woo wackos, and discusses his own failures/successes on the path to wellness.

“Funny, moving, powerful.”
-Nick Gillespie, Host, The Reason Interview

“Really great. Very original and entertaining.”
-Dr. Lisa Levy, Host, Dr. Lisa Gives a Sh*t

“Riotously funny and profoundly sad. Add this to your New York bucket list.”
-Matt Levy, Comedy Stray Notes

Looking to take the show on the road soon too. If you’ve got a great venue/location for it, please let me know.

Quickies

🎯 There should be a weed conference called ChronicCon.

🎯 The "A" in LGBTQIA+ community stands for Asexual *or* Ally which is nice because it means even acronyms can be fluid.

🎯 People would respect cops more if they actually solved crimes besides murder. Ever call the cops after a robbery? It's like they show up just to make fun of you: "Oh, they got your TV. Man, that sucks for you." "Are you gonna, like, dust for prints?" "Haha. Dude, this ain't Columbo."

🎯 A mistake people keep making is assuming every trans joke comedians tell is an attack on trans people themselves when most actually seem to be targeting those who publicly defend trans people in a performative, virtue signaling, self-aggrandizing way.

🗯 Katt Williams on cancel culture in comedy.

Look, if these are the confines that keep you from doing the craft god put you to, then it probably ain’t for you…A lot of these people weren’t all that extremely funny back when they could say whatever they wanted to say.

🎯 I really hate the phrase “late stage capitalism” cuz it makes it sound like capitalism is dying out when, in reality, it seems to be going quite well for capitalism. In fact, it feels a lot more like “late stage people displaying any form of empathy.”

🎯 I do yoga with Adrienne. I meditate with Headspace Andy. I run with "Mademoiselle" as my Runkeeper voice. It's not that I'm healthy as much as it’s I'm lonely and like to pretend this is my squad.

mattrubycomedy

A post shared by Matt Ruby (@mattrubycomedy)

🎯 There will be two kinds of companies. Ones that are cool with remote workers and ones that are in-office only (and prob pay more/offer better benefits). Workers can choose whichever. Let's stop constantly thinking everyone needs to agree on everything.

🎯 On the plus side, the supply chain crisis doesn't seem to be impacting bullet sales much.

mattrubycomedy

A post shared by Matt Ruby (@mattrubycomedy)

🎯 You know who looooooves it when we spend all our time focusing on the police response to the school shooting? Gun manufacturers.

🎯 The big problem with the far right is that it's competent. At least the far left is incapable of implementing anything it cares about.

🅼🅰🆃🆃 💎 🆁🆄🅱🆈 @mattruby

"If you’re pro something, answer the questions a con person would ask." Lessons from Ralphie May's legendary Standup Master Class. 👇 buff.ly/3mqVWcBRalphie May’s Standup Master ClassTwo hours of no-BS wisdom for aspiring comedians.buff.ly

June 7th 2022

1 Like

🗯 Good Bones by Maggie Smith.

Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.

Vooza @voozahq

Google Maps: As a pedestrian, the first thing I do every time I open up your app is do a 360 degree turn in order to figure out which way is up. Maybe that's something you can figure out in the future. Thanks.

June 3rd 2022

7 Likes

🎯 You think you’re a clean person and then you turn your laptop keyboard over and wow are you wrong. I just turned mine upside down and the Lindbergh baby fell out.

Vooza @voozahq

Q: What has two thumbs and is desperately trying to back out of an acquisition deal based on false pretenses? A: This guy!

June 6th 2022

1 Like

🎯 Elon says Twitter is lying about the number of bots on the platform. I believe it. But I also think most numbers on the internet are either massaged or outright lies. Discussed it here: Skeptics aren’t welcome in the Land of Big Numbers™️.

🎯 Neat. Judd Apatow (who directed the George Carlin doc) called the newsletter I wrote last week about Carlin great:

Judd Apatow 🇺🇦 @JuddApatow

Great article

🅼🅰🆃🆃 💎 🆁🆄🅱🆈 @mattruby

Carlin's writing process acc to @JuddApatow: "It was all memorization because he wrote it like a one man show. He was not the 'I write it onstage' guy. It was 'Can I get these words down perfectly?' You could tell it was a memorization nightmare." More: https://t.co/j7BEynx0TG

June 1st 2022

4 Retweets29 Likes

🗯 Dr. Ronald Stewart treated victims of the Uvalde shooting. He was asked, “What will you most remember from that day?”

To me, people working together to help another person, a child, when they need it the most is the most beautiful thing. I’m a photographer. And I consciously look for beauty in the world. But the most beautiful thing that I see is people working together to help somebody when they need it the most. It’s like watching a symphony that all the parts are different but all working together towards a common goal. That, I will remember. That’s the beauty. That’s the beauty. 

🎯 My fave Doc Dyer quote:

For Subscribers Only

Up ahead for subscribers: Will Smith saw his career disappear when he was on ayahuasca, my fave White Stripes lyric, Bruce Lee, pocopo, nerds, The Wire, the Heard-Depp trial, and more. ...