Gawker - Why not get your Dad a bee?

Good afternoon, sweet angels. It's a scorcher out there, isn't it? Nothing better on a day like this than cracking open an ice-cold fizzy Coca-Cola. Or, second best, a glug of balsamic vinegar and some seltzer. ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

G’day mate and may I recommend doing a Harry off Australian Twitter, stop carrying on like a pork chop and she’ll be right (Just googled “Australian slang”). Today we have some breaking news: America sucks in yet another, completely novel way. This time we have victimized Australian Twitter — their thongs are all in a twist all before boggin in their brekkie! Father’s Day is coming up, folks and you know what that means: time to load up the Amazon shopping cart with bees. Forty bucks for a queen, but if you’re strapped for cash you can settle for a G.I. Jive: American Hits of WW2 CD at a smooth $16. Enough about dads, let’s hear it for remarried, working mothers of two. Britney Spears is laying down the law. Her ex-husband of 55 hours? Off to the Hague. Sister and Mother? You are gone too. Brother? More has yet to be revealed. Our other favorite starlet, dead Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, hath risen from beyond the grave in the form of a computer, because there is nothing her fans love more than empty symbolism and vain representation. RBG, ‘memba her? Another depraved ghost of the cruel past, monarchy’s underdog darling Andrew, who is allegedly raising awareness of pedophilia via his struggle with its light consequences, has whined to mommie dearest and you know? She sorta has a soft spot for the little lad. His brother and nephew? Not as much. Until tomorrow, after the sun sets and rises again upon the wretched, cursed soil.

I Should Be Able to Mute America

By Patrick Marlborough

The rest of the world should not have to know the name Bari Weiss

On June 2, Australian twitter account @parsface aka fungbunger (who has been referred to as Australia’s dril) tweeted out: “bloke at work who’s been here for like 6 years handed in 2 weeks notice last Friday & now he’s done the old Harold Holt. completely AWOL. managers goin off their heads. ghosting close work mates’ calls & texts. so fuckin good. the old scorched earth strategy for no fuckin reason.”

Australians joined fungbunger in celebration, a resounding chorus of you bloody ripper! and fucken oath, so good! and ol’ m8 livin the fucken dream! We were ecstatic, jubilant, and envious of what we recognized as a beautifully deft, and quintessentially Australian, act of get fukt dickheads, yeeeewwww!

If only we’d kept our joy private. If only we’d stayed humble! Instead, we caused the tweet to go viral and before we realized what was happening it drifted over to that foulest of places: American Twitter. Continue reading

10 Essential Gifts for Dad

By Claire Carusillo

The most important man in your life deserves a $40 bee

I love my rockin’ dad! Like all American fathers, he looks like every man in the state of Florida from the back, is good at math, salts his pizza, does pilates, had a mustache from 1989 to 2019, and once found an empty bottle of Silver Oak wine from the 1970s that I didn’t understand was expensive in my closet that I stole from the liquor cabinet ten years after I did it (he was clearing out the home he raised his children in). He was a little bit mad, but how much could I really apologize for something I did before my brain was fully developed? It seemed like both of us were being just a little performative in our anger over the situation. And that’s the Dad experience for you!

Almost every person on Earth should get to experience having a Dad and pamper him as such. But how? Look no further: here’s the Gawker gift guide for Father’s Day 2022, where you’ll fit bits, baubles, and babies. Continue Reding

Britney Spears Fires Security Team After Ex-Husband Jason Alexander Crashes Wedding

By Allie Jones

She's also mad at her brother (somewhat related)

Britney Spears is reorganizing her entire life, and we sure hope it all works out. Last week, she married Hacks extra Sam Asghari at her home in Los Angeles shortly after her ex-husband (of 55 hours) Jason Alexander breezed past security and walked into her home while broadcasting on Instagram Live. This week, Spears bought a new mansion in Calabasas (with a new foyer!) and fired her entire security team. She also slammed her brother on Instagram, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

TMZ reports that Spears “quickly” fired her security team and replaced them after the chaos on her wedding day. She also got a three-year restraining order against Alexander, who was arrested and charged with one felony count of stalking and three misdemeanors including trespassing, vandalism, and battery. He pleaded not guilty on Monday. Continue reading

An Exclusive Interview With Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Chat Bot

By Tarpley Hitt

She lives

For almost two years, fans of dead Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg have been brooding and moping, drinking old coffee from their “Male Tears” mug, wrought with grief at the thought of never hearing quotes from the notorious judge again. But relief is nigh: an Israeli AI company called AI21 Labs has made an RBG chat bot.

Per the Washington Post, the company input 27 years of Ginsburg’s legal writing into a language simulator to capture the Justice’s speech pattern and predict her responses to user questions of 150 characters or less. Anyone can give it a whirl at their website, ask-RBG.ai. Continue reading

Pervy Prince Andrew is Mounting a Comeback

By Claire Carusillo

And dry-humping a teddy bear, I’d bet

Reports indicate that Prince Andrew is currently on one: According to the Daily Beast, an imperial imbroglio on Monday led to the Duke of York’s latest botched grand attempt at re-entering the clown college (er… clown uni) known as the British royal family. The disgraced third-born had made preparations to rock the damp, molded red carpet at the Queen’s sexy, sultry Order of the Garter ceremony, but was banished at the last minute despite being the arrogant teddy-humper being a Mummy-made member of the sex club since 2006.

A long-time Sweet Babybaby of Mama Lili-B and nobody else in the world, Andrew is desperately trying to reintroduce himself into royal life in the “small window of opportunity to act” before the HBIC’s death, per the Beast. The Queen might think her littlest prince is worth a $12-million investment, but the heirs to the throne, brother Charles and nephew William, allegedly hate his flat, sorry ass, and also his bad personality. Continue reading

TODAY IN GAWKER HISTORY:

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Gawker - Why not get your Dad a bee?

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