Hope your weekend was as thrilling as yesterday’s WNBA regular-season finale. Let’s catch up on all of it plus some not-so-thrilling (read: infuriating) news from men’s sports.

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My life is not basketball. It’s just something I do.

The GIST: In solidarity with procrastinators everywhere, the WNBA playoff picture was finalized yesterday, the last day of the regular season, as the final two squads punched their tickets ahead of Wednesday's postseason start. What a finish.

Who clinched: The No. 7 NY Liberty are headed to their second straight postseason after eliminating the Atlanta Dream with two clutch weekend wins, including yesterday’s 87–83 thriller.

• And the No. 8 Phoenix Mercury (notably without Diana Taurasi, Skylar Diggins-Smith and Brittney Griner) are the last team in thanks to a gutsy 86–74 victory over the Dallas Wings on Friday and a little help from the Connecticut Sun on Sunday. True resilience.

• As for the final seeding, the Las Vegas Aces nabbed No. 1 with yesterday’s 109–100 win against the Seattle Storm. Lucky for Storm fans, Seattle had already locked up No. 4 (and crucial home court advantage) after downing the Minnesota Lynx 96–69 on Friday.

Sylvia Fowles: Speaking of, with the Lynx eliminated, the aforementioned two-time Finals MVP and eight-time All-Star’s career has reached its end. Fowles added an exclamation point to her storied career yesterday, extending her double-doubles record and grabbing her 4,000th (!!!) career rebound, making her the first W player to reach the mark.

• The records speak for themselves, but what her peers have to say about her certainly speak the loudest. “Mama Syl,” “Sweet Syl,” “probably the kindest, nicest superstar that there’s ever been” — thanks for everything, legend.

Content warning: This section contains mention of sexual assault.

The GIST: A(nother) Friday night news dump brought eye-rolling, head-scratching moments in baseball and football, followed by some more WTF news from the soccer world. Buckle up.

⚾️ MLB: The San Diego Padres were the talk of the trade deadline when they acquired outfielder Juan Soto earlier this month, but their All-Star shortstop Fernando Tatís Jr. grabbed the headlines on Friday when he was suspended 80 games after testing positive for Clostebol, a performance enhancing drug (PED).

• Tatís Jr. claims the PED was in a medication he took to treat ringworm, but nobody’s really buying it. And this is just the latest in a series of unfortunate events for the superstar, who’s missed the entire 2022 campaign after an offseason motorcycle accident.

🏈 NFL: Conveniently just ahead of his preseason Cleveland Browns debut on Friday, quarterback Deshaun Watson publicly “apologized” to the women who have accused him of sexual misconduct. Watson then struggled during his first appearance since January 2021 and was met with hostile chants from the hometown Jacksonville Jaguars crowd.

• Meanwhile, we’re still waiting on a decision as to whether Watson’s suspension will be extended after the NFL appealed the ruling that handed him just six games. There’s no specific deadline, but the answer can’t come soon enough.

⚽️ Soccer: In a report published yesterday, former Portland Thorns and Timbers employees expressed concerns about the organizational culture, alleging a “toxic workplace environment.” This news comes after the organization dealt with misconduct allegations against former Thorns coach Paul Riley and former Timbers player Andy Polo in the past year. It just never ends.

🥎 Softball: Texas (team Southwest) took down Virginia 5–1 and Maryland (team Mid-Atlantic) defeated the Philippines 11–0 in yesterday’s semifinals to set up today’s 12 p.m. ET winner-take-all Little League Softball World Series final. These girls got game.

⚽ Soccer: American soccer continues to lead the way on and off the pitch as USWNT stars Alex Morgan, Catarina Macario and Trinity Rodman were all nominated for the coveted Ballon d’Or trophy (awarded to the world’s best men’s and women’s players) on Friday while NJ/NY Gotham FC hired the NWSL’s first Black coach, Hue Menzies, on Saturday. Literal goals.

🎾 Tennis: They may have exited the National Bank Open singles draw earlier than anticipated, but Americans Coco Gauff and Jessica Pegula swung their way to the women’s doubles title in Toronto, Canada, yesterday. The win notably launched Gauff into the doubles world No. 1 ranking. This girl is on fire.

• As for the singles, Romania’s Simona Halep earned her third career National Bank Open trophy while Spain’s Pablo Carreño Busta scored his first career Masters 1000 title. Aces.

⛳ Golf: American Will Zalatoris defeated Austrian Sepp Straka in a three-hole playoff yesterday to score the FedEx St. Jude Championship title, his first win on the PGA Tour. The victory pushes Zalatoris into first place for the overall FedEx Cup standings ahead of the next installment later this month. We’ll (politely) clap for that.

The bracket for the ongoing Western & Southern Open, the final tennis tuneup before the U.S. Open kicks off later this month. And the best news? It’s not too late to join the party. Snag your tickets to witness tennis history IRL. Smashing.*

Colorado Rockies center fielder Wynton Bernard, who, after 10 years in the minor leagues, finally made his major league debut on Friday, notching a hit, a stolen base and a run. More like Win-ton Bernard.

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*P.S. This is a sponsored post.