Gawker - Montecito nights

By Olivia Craighead

It's been nine years, and we're not getting any younger.

Perusing today’s multiplex and streaming offerings, no one in their right mind would ever say that we need more sequels. But as always, there is one exception to the rule, and in this case the exception is that we need another movie in the Before series as soon as possible. These collaborations between Richard Linklater, Ethan Hawke, and Julie Delpy have historically arrived about nine years apart from one another, and guess what was nine years ago? Before Midnight.

I need to know what Jesse and Celine are up to after their explosive vacation in Greece. Did they actually stay together or did they get a divorce? How is Jesse’s relationship with his first kid going? Which beautiful European city are they contemplating the meaning of life and love in now? Continue reading

By Claire Carusillo

Huff, huff, pass

Welcome to Consumerism Reports, a recurring series about all my devices and products. I’d like to clarify that it is NOT a tech column, a food column, or a wellness column — it’s about spending money to speed up self-transformation, and then buying more stuff when that doesn’t work. And so I have acquired an endless array of gadgets, tools, powders, and liquids: from products that promise to make my face look more triangular to tonics that make the skin around my eyes less purple. Do any of them work?

It might surprise you to learn that I, a glamorous, tweedy type whom you may think only sweats when inside a $499 sauna bag and sleeps only on the most $168est of pillows, have been trampling all over the Wasatch mountains for the last two weeks. I’ve been romping around in a hat, tripping over roots and brambles because said hat blocks my vision, wearing wet socks (always by accident), huffing, and above all, puffing. I lived in Utah at an elevation of 9,000 plus feet for two years between 2019-2021, but my lungs have become weak like a Victorian aristocrat since moving back to the big city.

It’s been disheartening to discover that a week away from turning 31, I can’t do things I was able to when I was 29, especially when I always thought I wouldn’t peak in terms of capability, fitness, or beauty until at least 42. That’s so long from now: will there be enough air for all of us then? If only there was an easy, expensive way to hoard it all now.

Luckily for me, most grocery stores and gas stations around these parts sell a canned air product that is supposed to help abate the headaches and breathlessness that comes with altitude sickness. Continue reading

By Kelly Conaboy

The ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ star will have to find a new “F” to give

God damnit. Sometimes it feels like we’re never going to get any good news ever again. After 10 years in business, Tamra Judge has closed CUT Fitness, the sexy cool gym she owned with her hunky stud husband Eddie.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The Real Housewives of Orange County star opened CUT (an acronym that stands for Cardio Unique Training) (which I know sounds like a humorous reference to the fact that SUR, the restaurant from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, stands for Sexy Unique Restaurant, but “Cardio Unique Training” is actually what CUT stands for) (I imagine it was inspired by SUR) in March of 2013, during the show’s eighth season. Continue reading

By Claire Carusillo

The singer's 2018 comments on Meghan's wedding dress are threatening to tear apart the community

We somehow all forgave Katy Perry when that nun who was suing her over property ownership dropped dead during her day in court, but we might not be so forgiving now that the singer’s bad neighborliness is affecting the entire fabulous town of Montecito. We may not be pwifes (that’s Montecitan for “polo wife”), nor were we imbued with the strength of the virgin vestal goddess who guides the Markles to a more perfect podcast, but we are Montecito strong.

According to the Daily Express, comments that Perry made four years ago about Meghan’s boat-necked, rayon-look wedding dress are threatening to tear apart the sleepy community. The tabloid reported: “Prince Harry, 37, is thought to be settling into his American surroundings well but it is claimed Meghan, 41, is upset with her neighbor Katy Perry over a comment made about the Duchess’s wedding dress in 2018.” Continue reading

By Allie Jones

Or wait that’s not it

Since he filed for divorce from his wife and the mother of his three children in 2017, Bill Hader has enjoyed a couple of high-profile relationships. He started dating Rachel Bilson in 2019, taking her to his hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma, for Christmas and to the Golden Globes a few months later. (They first met on the set of the comedy The To-Do List in 2013, which incidentally was written and directed by Hader’s then-wife Maggie Carey.)

But sometime early in the pandemic the two broke up, and Hader started dating another petite brunette, Anna Kendrick. He met her on the set of Noelle in 2019, which was not directed by his ex-wife but was really bad. Then they broke up, and now Kendrick is spending a lot of time with Desus Nice. In case Hader is sad about any of that, he should know that Bilson is still talking about him on her podcast, which is called “Broad Ideas,” which I think is almost a pun. Continue reading