Gawker - God save the queue

By Kelly Conaboy

A source says he still "wants to be a good husband and father"

Tom Brady, a 45-year-old football player for some reason, is rapidly advancing across the field of marriage and finds himself now about two yards from the goal line. His entrance into the end-zone is imminent, as we all know. But wait — an anonymous source has spoken to People magazine, and, what’s that? Oh my god. They say Tom Brady still likes his family, kind of, even though football is much better. This could change everything!

Despite being “incredibly focused” on his football career, says People, (true), their source claims Tom Brady still "wants to be a good husband and father.” Aww.

"Tom is a great guy, everyone thinks so, including Gisele [Bündchen],” the source continues, and of course we believe them implicitly, whoever they are, even though they sound almost exactly like Tom Brady doing a British accent and wearing a fake mustache even though he is just talking on the phone. “He doesn't mean to be so preoccupied," the source says. "He wants to be a good husband and father; he still gets excited when talking about Gisele and the kids."

OMG. :) Please keep in mind that he’s known Gisele and the kids for several years now, so the fact that he still gets excited when talking about them is pretty huge. Continue reading

By Claire Carusillo

It isn't even an open casket

Call me a washed-up 32-year-old GQ freelancer Rory Gilmore, because I’m gazing upon the concept of “long lines” with unremitting fascination. Which long line has caught my attention in particular? No other than the line to see the Queen’s casket on a pedestal called a “catafalque” at Westminster Hall in London, although over there they call it “the Queue.”

To check out the Queen’s closed casket and to get a load of the hunks that comprise the “vigil of units from the Sovereign's Bodyguard, the Household Division or Yeoman Warders of the Tower of London” watching over her body (as Time Out describes it), it’s gonna take some sweat equity. Queueing is open 24 hours a day until Sept. 19, the day of the funeral. Apparently, this is a very British thing: The most enduring British stereotype, besides them being weather-obsessed lushes, is that the Queen’s subjects love to queue!

As of press time, a livestream set up by the British Department for Digital, Culture, Media, and Sport is reporting that the Queue is 4.2 miles long and queueing time is “at least 9 hours.” According to the New York Times, the wait time could be expected to be up to 30 hours from start to finish. The Queue is constantly moving, reportedly at a pace of 0.5 miles per hour as of Thursday afternoon in London, and mourners are not allowed to leave under threat of being thrown in shackles and locked up in the Tower. One journalist at the BBC waited that long as 17th in line, and ultimately spent 90 seconds with the Queen’s coffin. Continue reading

By Olivia Craighead

It's certainly not the star of 'Dune'

I’m sure by now that you’ve heard the news from Britain. Women are OUT, men are IN. I am referring, of course, to the cover of British Vogue, which for the first time in its 106-year history is featuring a solo man on its cover. That man is… whoever this is.

I can see that the cover says “Timothée” in big letters, but they can’t possibly mean Chalamet. I saw the other photos from the story and they have a sort of grungy, Robert Mapplethorpe thing going on. Those ones are definitely Timothée Chalamet, star of Dune and Call Me By Your Name. The person on this cover must be someone different, Timothée Shalamay perhaps.

Chalamet opted to share a different version of the cover, one that makes him look less like Miss Slovakia 1993 and more like a Hollywood hotshot worthy of receiving advice from Leonardo DiCaprio (“No hard drugs and no superhero movies.”). Continue reading

By Allie Jones

It was Whitney Cummings

Chrissy Teigen is pregnant, this we know. The 36-year-old model and influencer announced she was expanding her family back in August while wearing a $520 pair of sheer Gucci underwear. She got a lot of attention then, but is she getting enough attention now? Possibly not, because People just published an “exclusive” about a podcast that Teigen was on over a week ago in which she asked the comedian Whitney Cummings to be the baby’s godmother.

According to People, Teigen surprised Cummings during a live episode of her “Good For You” podcast on September 6. Cummings was high on mushrooms and apparently both happy and scared to see Teigen. "I am literally gonna have a heart attack,” she said. Continue reading

By Olivia Craighead

It looks like Antoni has finally found the target audience for his recipes

No five people have ever been more addicted to the spotlight than the cast of Queer Eye. They will do anything for attention, and if it comes with a paycheck that is all the better. The latest manifestation of this desire comes in the form of Jonathan Van Ness and Antoni Porowski (hair and food, respectively) pretending to be in a sexual relationship in order to shill for pet food.

On their shared Instagram — which, to their credit, has existed since 2019 — the two posted a photo of Van Ness straddling Porowski, both of them staring deep into each other’s eyes. It has the same level of sensuality as the engagement photos of devout Christian couple that just can’t wait to bone. Continue reading